Monday, December 28, 2009

Postgrad


They even made a movie about it. Starring that girl from the Gilmore Girls.

This is the decade of the "Postgrad".

People are so interested in what we're doing now. And, quite frankly, there are few things for us to do.

The job market is somewhat geared towards us for the time being. Since most of us are work-o-holics with no families and an endless supply of caffeine we're the prime employees to fill the cubicles of society.

Generally "Postgrad" only lasts for a couple years. Why? Because after a while we will fall into one of two categories.

The ones who understand what's important or crucial in their life, and the ones who don't.

Now you probably think it can't be that simple. But it can. You will eventually be the one to decide if you're a "Susie Homemaker", a true businessman or woman, a lover not a fighter, a world traveler or a suburban SUV owner. Whatever you decide...it happens post grad. Just make sure you know for sure before you make rash and unwise decisions. Weigh the pros and cons. And make this one question the premise of everything you decide...

What will truly make me happy?

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Since this blog is still somewhat about me. An update...

I still work at Taco Bell. I've been there for...uh...we won't discuss that. I am the Assistant Manager and my job there consists of many things the least of which is actually making food.

I also work at WCAX-TV. I love it! I love working in news. I eventually want to report and produce. But since the market here is terrible I am working in production instead. The crew is fantastic. The image that they create is not a facade. They're good people to work for. My job there consists of running cameras, prompter, and tapes so far. If you watch any of the newscasts on the weekend evenings you'll see my name in the credits ;-)

I moved out of the perentals home in July and live in a condo in Essex. It's a great place to live and it's nice to have a place of your own to come home to. I have one roommate and she's pretty awesome.

I'm blogging because my boss sent me home from work because I was sick. I have a total life full of friends, work, and things to do yet I still find time to be on the internet way too much.

Oh, and I'm Mormon.

Peace,

The Postgrad Chris"TAL"

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The Strength of Their Smiles


Why did I become a journalist? Why does news intrigue me? It's the strength behind the smile.

I am recently realizing how much effort many young people put into showing their smile. There is a part of my life in which I see youth on a regular basis who are going through very tough times in their lives. These people are mostly teenagers or in their early twenties. They are dealing with death, illness, poverty, sadness, and the list goes on.

Yet, each day they smile. Often I never even know what is going on in their lives unless they outright tell me.

And I am astonished.

Astonished that they can muster the courage to get up every morning and start it all over again. They are the parents, role models, providers, friends, and heroes in their own worlds.

This isn't to say that I did not have my own trials growing up. I did the same thing and garnered the same reaction out of people when they found out about my personal life. But I would also answer with a smile.

As I grow up I realize that the most courageous people don't wear capes, adopt ten babies from a foreign country, or stop global warming. They are those young souls who keep going even when they don't know what they're going for. They keep going and they keep others going too. And, eventually, they too will grow up and find out that everything is going to be okay...

And they will smile.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Done with the Me Monster



Tonight I realized what really makes me happy and why I have been so unhappy recently.

It was a small thing really. My roommate invited me to hand out condoms for AIDS awareness week.

Yes, I'm Mormon and I handed out condoms. If you'd like to debate that then you can talk to me personally or leave a comment under this post and I'll comment back.

But what happened to me tonight was fantastic. There were only five of us, armed with shirts, red ribbons, and condoms. But we were able to hand out hundreds of protection in less than an hour. It made me realize what good even one person can do.

And...it ignited the feeling of happiness I get when I serve. So, I then decided to transfer these feelings to a cause I feel very strong about. Homelessness and hunger. I realized that there are a lot of ways you can volunteer to help the homeless in the Vermont area. I also realized that I felt genuinely happy for the first time in a long time tonight.

Call me a freak. That's okay. I'm proud to say that it's true when they say that if you're unhappy then you should serve. If everyone could feel this way all the time there wouldn't be so many selfish problems in society.

Below is a great link to some things you can do in Vermont to help COTS. Please look up ways you can volunteer in your community and do something nice for someone this week. Please!

I love you all. To all my faithful readers...I wish you the best this Christmas and holiday season and I hope you can find it in your heart to give even if you yourself don't have a lot.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Did you learn the hard way?


Why must we grow up? Think about how great things were when we were young. We could poop anywhere. Literally, we had portable soft plush synthetic pottys with us all the time. We were also able to eat all the time. And take naps.

But eventually a teenager in a diaper eating creamy spinach looks a bit strange.

So we take the SAT's. We attempt to stay in the right lane. We learn that putting chemicals under your arms on a daily basis will allow you to continue to have friends. And some of us even get our first job picking up someone's dirty fork or asking them if they would like to upsize their Diet Coke with their large fries and triple artery clogging patty melt.

But it isn't enough. We get to a point where we realize that patty melts won't get us the things that mainstream media dreams of in life. Namely an SUV. So we go to a larger version of the institution that taught us how to count those dirty forks. We shell out tens of thousands of hard earned cash so that we can someday sit in a leather chair and have an intern who also one day dreams of his own leather chair.

Finally, we get the leather chair. The fake nails, fake hair, fake hopes and real fears. So what did we do all this for?

The feeling of being accomplished. And so we could learn the hard way.

Yes, oh yes. Most of us will learn the hard way.

Some things I've recently learned the hard way...

1. Be aware of your credit. Know what it is. Know how to keep it in good standing.

2. Stay away from national banks. Go with local banks and credit unions.

3. All car salesman are liars and greedy. That is their job.

4. Too much caffeine isn't good for you. It messes with your sleeping habits and it's bad for your heart.

5. Value your friends and relationships. Buy some stamps and write letters instead of emails.

6. Prices will go up. Stop asking why something costs so much when you go out to eat. The price is posted for a reason.

7. Never do anything for free that you can get paid for.

8. Quality is better than quantity. That is why I own a MAC.

9. Swearing makes you sound stupid.

10. I must make preparations to have pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving or I will personally consume an entire pint of ice cream and half a pumpkin loaf.

"A muffin is a bald cupcake" -Jim Gaffigan

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Pocket Full of Posers



What happen to identity? The true original self.

There used to be a time in which you said you liked something and someone might have disagreed with you because they had previously tried that thing and decided they didn't like it.

Nowadays we all do the same things. And if we haven't then we're indecisive in making a decision. We have become a "pocket full of posers".

The worst pockets are those that can't make a decision when it comes to dating or relationships. These specific posers come in all types. Many of them get hung up on the phrase dating or the even more terrifying phrases of boyfriend and girlfriend.

I'm not sure if you know this...but dating someone is not marriage. Nope, you're not married if you're dating someone. You don't have a prenuptial agreement. You don't have to wear a distinguishing piece of jewelry so you know you're eternally attached to another being. You're just dating. And when you don't feel as though it's going anywhere, there's no red tape. No awkward term of divorce lingering over your head. You just simply stop dating.

The pockets of posers also like to wear the same skinny jeans, drink the same energy drinks, and listen to the same anti-melodic music.

Sometimes I dip my hand into a pocket now and then. Sometimes I do enjoy the things that everyone else does. Namely Mcdonalds chicken nuggets. But I truly hope that I can keep my individuality separate from another persons individuality and truly become the very best phrase, "uniquely original".

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

What are you a product of?


This may be something that every human encounters as they grow older. The realization that something is going wrong with society and the further realization that you can do nothing about it.

For example, your paycheck. Whether you're liberal or conservative you know who will end up with at least a small percentage of your money.

It's "Those People". You know them. And if you don't, then I would like to tell you how they start their day.


8:00am: still sleeping

10:05am: woke up because the sunlight managed to peer through the Grateful Dead blanket that covers the window of the master bedroom in the 3 bedroom subsidized apartment.

10:17am: moved arm and knocked over diet soda cans that were lining nightstand.

And the beat goes on...


The worst part about "Those People" is that they weren't born with any distinguishing feature that would make them into something that preys on society. Yet, over time, they evolve.

Then the story complicates as your tax dollars flow through a tube. From your bosses bank account, to the government, to the welfare checks, to the pockets of "Those People", to the counter at your local big box department store, to the bosses pocket of the big box department store.

Then when the employees at the the big box department store can't afford healthcare...they will try to form a union. But the union won't pass. So the government will change their policies so that those employees can have healthcare.

So more of your money will go to "Those People"'s healthcare. And then...after a few years, they'll be able to form a union.

Then, "Those People" will have unionized jobs with good healthcare and cheap affordable housing. While "you" will still be struggling to pay your bills and student loans off, and, searching for a second job. But you can't find one because you have a B.A. or MBA but no union certificate.

So forgive me when I don't like to engage in less than intellectually stimulating conversation with "Those People".

Sunday, September 6, 2009

The Evolution of Duh



I have found that growing up is really understanding the "Evolution of Duh".

As you get older you realize things that others simply don't comprehend or understand, even though it's obvious and as blatantly ridiculous as Britney Spears having children.

Below I've outlined some things that would fall under the "EOD".

1. Britney Spears having children. Where did she get the idea that this was a good decision? Honestly, just because you get drunk and watch the Disney Channel doesn't give you the right to be parental.

2. Diabetes. I am not discounting the disease. I am discounting the millions of Americans who think one more Mcdouble-dribble-cheesy-potato-patty melt-fried-doodle is not going to hurt them. Sorry...YOU ARE WRONG. You are fat. Yes. You are unhealthy. Heck, I lost weight and I am STILL unhealthy. There was a time when men and women worked on farms. If they happened to be the lucky ones to work in offices then they still played ball with their kids. Now the kids play ball on their game console and the parents decide which take-out menu to use. Thus...creating an influx of diabetes.

3. Prescription drug commercials. If you didn't know...one drug causes a side effect which creates the need for another drug. They feed off of each other and their advertisers are then better able to feed their children from the more expensive take-out restaurants. Please stop over drugging yourself. Maybe if you stopped eating so much mono-gluta-eat-a-mate you wouldn't need the cholesterol medication that causes you to be impotent.

4. Bottle sized powder drinks. You are not saving money or calories when it comes in a smaller pouch.

5. Get your higher education from a college not a computer. I don't care who you are and how many online PhD's you have. If I were an employer of any type of business other than food service I would laugh at your desire to educate yourself via podcasts. Sorry, there is nothing that can replace the classroom and traditional, stressful, sleep deprived, hard back desk sitting, university education.

6. Don't major in something stupid at that real university you should attend. You can learn how to sew, cook, play the trumpet, and run without a college degree. Please stop wasting my tax dollars so you can go to keggers or meet your future eternal companion.

7. When you go to a fast food restaurant and they ask you if "you'd like to add" ANYTHING...it means you WILL pay more money. Don't expect things to be free. According to some people even "freedom isn't free" so why would the cheese on your burger be?

8. Energy drinks, coffee houses, and diet soda are of the devil. You are addicted. Regular society can't keep up with the caffeinated society. Try to go a day without caffeine and you'll see how unproductive you are. Unless, of course, you understood the "Evolution of Duh" a long time ago and refrained from all the packaged frothy nonsense.

9. If you're fat and sweaty and over 40 then you should not be in a mosh pit. I recently encountered this. I think moshing is some mentally challenged reason to fight without getting arrested. I want to find whoever invented it and push them over onto wet cement.

10. Water is water. But I prefer Aquavista.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

iPhone Illness


I just purchased an iphone and switched to AT&T. I am fully sure that cocaine is a bad substance that should never enter the human body. However, if I were to be involved in something comparable to cocaine I would have to say it is the "Apps" for the iphone.

In addition to the normal addictive apps like Facebook and Twitter I have other ones. Some of them include digital bubble wrap and an app that tells you the most recent seismic activity (earthquakes) around the world.

Why do I need such things? Why does anyone need virtual bubble wrap? I suppose I can understand if I were sending virtual gifts (like the ones purchased on Facebook which usually end up being thongs sent by a person named "private").

But alas I have them. And they are fantastic. Yet, it made me think, how pathetic is the average Americans attention span?

Answer: uber pathetic

It wasn't enough that people had to engage in conversation in coffee houses. Now, most of them come with wifi and no one talks to each other. The soothing sound of typing has infiltrated every metropolis in the U.S.

Children are the worst victims in what I would like to call the "Attention Famine". They have their PS 1, 2, 3, and 40. If that doesn't appease them then they can play their Game Cube immediately following their Wii for exercise and then, heaven forbid, mom makes you go to the store...along comes the DS!

I really feel bad for newspapers. Those lonely things just sit in the racks day after day. They know they're going to be used in some rich kids bonfire but only after that same rich kid could get away from his intense game of Halo.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The Definition of Creepy


Recently I've really found a new understanding of the definition of creepy.

A lot of people don't know how to recognize creepy. Sometimes they are the creepy ones themselves. Sometimes they are the innocent victims. Please understand that if the feeling is mutual then you won't be considered creepy.

I would like to define for you some ways in which someone can be labeled creepy. Later I will define ways in which you can learn how to "take a hint".

1. If you can't start a conversation but try to jump in using random stories about yourself that don't pertain to the conversation currently happening.

Example Conversation Topic: the Red Sox and how awesome they are.

Creepy Person: "I once had a cat with white on his feet and I named him socks. But I only made him wear kitty socks once because my grandma knit them. It was sad though because my grandma just died. She was a nice lady. She used to let me stay at the farm house when I was a child because no one would play with me in the summertime"

2. You text, email, or call someone you don't know for no reason. You weren't planning on spending time with this person. You have no topic for the text message or no reason to text them. You aren't really friends with this person and you just want them to know you exist really really badly.

3. You show up at their work more than once. You don't usually go there but for some reason you happened to have a reason to purchase nails twice in one week.

4. You refer to someone of the opposite sex as being just like your "sister" or "brother" more than once in a conversation. You say that you could never (dot dot dot) because they're just like your "sister" or "brother". Yet your body language towards that person would clearly be incest if they were in fact your sister or brother.

5. You stand within close proximity to someone the entire time a group of you are hanging out but you don't talk to the person and the person doesn't talk to you. However, you make certain sure that they can feel your breath on their neck.

6. You memorize someones work schedule who is not your boyfriend or girlfriend.

7. You have Facebook stalked them to the point that you know which High School they attended, their birthdate, their job, their favorite music, and their current status...by memory.

8. You make friends with their mutual friends so you can be at mutual gatherings.

9. You have their phone number in your phone even though you would never in a million years have the courage to call them.

10. You run across the room, leap over a chair, push someone aside, and trip over your own feet, just to pick up the cocktail napkin they dropped on the floor.

HOW TO KNOW IF THEY DON'T LIKE YOU

One way.

They don't acknowledge any of the above communication between you and them more than the phrase "thanks".

Saturday, July 25, 2009

What Do You Mean?



People are funny. So many people have things they want to say and never say them. Other people say too many things that no one wants to hear. Often people think they're being "honest" when they're really being rude. And some are truly being honest but they think they're being rude.

As I was walking home from the bus stop the other day I saw a bumper sticker that read
My Son Is In The US Army
I'm sorry, but what is that sticker saying? Is is supposed to be in the form of a question? Like a possible plea for release? Maybe it's sheer pride. My son is and your son isn't. Or, are they asking for pity? Maybe they're saying "please listen to me exclaim my sadness". Now please don't misunderstand this blog. I am not against the troops. I am not making a statement about the war in any way at all. I am not talking about politics. Just the way people express themselves.

Generally I like to be an honest person. But I also know when to keep my mouth shut as to not hurt someone's fragile, and possibly vain, feeling of oneself. Typically I will tell a girl that she has makeup smudged on her face, or, that her "scrunchie" makes her look like she walked out of an episode of Blossom. But if someone honestly believes that they look amazing, or are completely convinced to commit a stupid life decision, I shut down. I don't have the heart to tell them. I step back and decide that they will learn through life. And I listen to their comments and internally feel joy for the education I've received and the wisdom I have inherited.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

The Type of Person I Am



This is not a terrible "Do You Know Me" quiz. This post is going to be about me. It's about some things I've realized about myself in the last few months.

First you must know why I felt the need to write this. It's more of a current self-reflection. And it's also spurred by a conversation I've had with a few people recently. These people (plural meaning if you think it's you you're probably wrong. And if you're right then know that I discussed this with even more people than you think) are struggling with life and their perception of life. I would call it "life boredom". They don't know what they want, like, care for, enjoy, do as a hobby, etc. I use to be one of these people but over the years changed to a point at which I can realize when I do have "life boredom". I have told all these people that they need to find out what kind of eggs they like. This means they need to know what they enjoy. I've taken this reference from Runaway Bride. But it's true...and important.

So, below are some things I've realized and things I enjoy.

1. I love to travel. Anywhere. Seriously. Big cities, small towns, even exploring my own town. I like to go to new stores I haven't been in. Meet new kinds of people I never knew. I love it. But when the trip is over I also like to have a good place to call home. I don't like to move, just travel.

2. I want to try things other people have tried. I guess it's a need to place myself in other peoples shoes. This could be why I love the news so much. You learn about new things and new or different circumstances around the world. If someone says they're reading a new series of books...i'll look into it. I think this is a general psychological principal, if you hear about it enough you'll want to investigate it and you might find interest in it. Some might say I'm a "poser" but I think of it more as "when in Rome".

3. I can't stand when parents feed their children crap. I watch this happen everyday at work and it makes me so angry. The children aren't being taught the proper tenants of nutrition and the parents are giving them heart disease and diabetes (or potentially) if they don't stop.

4. I don't like when people complain. I can't stand complainers. Granted we all need to vent. But lately I've noticed that a negative attitude is putrid to yourself, your friends, and society. You're wasting your time telling everyone about your problems and dwelling on things you have no, little, or full control over. And if you have full control then do something about it. Especially if it's living a healthier lifestyle. Don't call yourself "big boned" "bigger girl" "full figured" "sturdy" "pleasantly plump" or any other affectionate term for your lazy lifestyle. Sorry, you can do something about it. Only a small percentage of society suffer from a thyroid problem as their reason for gaining weight.

5. I don't like makeup but I like the way I look with it and I love to buy it. MAC is the best makeup I've found so far.

6. I love to sing. I will sing at work, home, in choirs. I also play guitar. I'm not that good but I eventually want to be.

7. Broadcasting, journalism, and event planning corse through my veins. I use to record myself on tape reading books when I was a child. I love being in a TV studio. I also love planning events. Large or small and any type. I suppose I like leadership opportunities as well.

8. I am a technology freak. I cannot go into Best Buy without spending money. I can't go into the electronics section of any department store without finding a reason to need something technical.

9. I like to run. I really do. I don't like running on treadmills. The good outdoors does it for me. When I run I tend to explore the parts of my town I haven't seen yet which goes along with my traveling bug.

10. I am sentimental. I take photos and save photos. I save ticket stubs. I write in a journal. I love getting awards so I can frame them and put them on my wall. I love traditions and must have pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving and Ham on Christmas. That is the honest truth. And it doesn't matter where I eat these things they just must be there.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Don't Mess With MY King

I am sick and tired of hearing about Michael Jackson. I was sick and tired of hearing about Anna Nicole Smith. But this is beyond awful and hit a new low yesterday during the memorial. That's right. I am going to rag on someone's funeral.

I am beyond disturbed by the blatant misuse of the gospel choir that performed so gracefully in the Staples Center. The gospel choir was singing a song that was written about the Savior Jesus Christ. The poor choice of venue and happenstance for this particular song is what made me angry. the "king" spoken of in this song is NOT the king of pop...it is Jesus. Please do not confuse yourself. Thanks to CNN I can show you how wrongfully sung this song was during the MJ spectaco-thon warp tour jazz fest...I mean memorial.

Friday, June 26, 2009

R.I.P My Money


I was wondering if any of you remembered that dude who went to court for lewd acts against young boys. He was also in excessive debt and changed his face because he was really self absorbed and thought that it would be good to look like a pre-pubescent woman?

Oh yea. All of you remember. CNN remembers. Fox News remembers. TMZ really remembers. All local newspapers remember. All local TV networks remember. All reporters remember to run to all the local record stores and interview all the hippie employees that work in the record stores and who aren't old enough to even remember this strange man who would climb up trees and avoid the public eye while doing everything to get the public eye directly involved in his life. In fact I think he even tried to purchase the public eye from Sotheby's but it wasn't on sale. He was going to place the "public eye" in his ranch.

Well anyhow, that's going to be old news soon. What will hopefully hit the news soon are the things that are going on in the world. Pay attention to your paychecks. They're going to get a bit smaller. The positive side is that you might be able to breathe better in America. But probably not. Mostly because our pollution is circulated towards another country and thanks to the earth moving we get some other countries pollution. So in effect...it doesn't really matter what we do to lower our own pollution. We're just helping someone else.

Oh and foreign oil. Have we tried looking for some on the vast amounts of land we own? I heard South Dakota doesn't have a national park. I think they should find oil in their state and then declare it a national park. Just so I can pay more money.

Just some thoughts.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Tweet Impatience


Have you been tweeting? Surely you've heard of blogging since you're here. You probably heard of blogging from Facebooking. If you don't have a Facebook you're not an integral part of society. If you do than you're better than those who have Myspace, right?

How dare you forget to RSVP to that event. I have also been following your tweets and noticed that you might be near me in real life sometime this week.

After I learned this I proceeded to use an "app" from iTunes on my iPod Touch to follow you down the road. When I saw you in that mass produced coffee lounge I took a photo of you on my overpriced 45 pixel camera phone. Thankfully you didn't see me so I didn't have to add you as a friend on one of my ten social networking sites. I waved and proceeded to search for a port in another mass produced coffee house to upload that photo of you that you didn't know I took of you so that all your friends could see that I have a photo of you which in theory would mean that we were friends even though we weren't and I must misuse my privilege of technology in society.

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Ok. Back to reality. I'm not quite sure what is happening to communication and civil decency but it's decaying at a rapid rate. The news is only news for ten minutes before it's old. Unless, of course, it's Britney Spears...then it'll run for a couple days.

I've also noticed that people are increasingly more impatient. Nightline even discussed a study that said that more Americans survived the Titanic because they refused to be polite and wait in line for the life boats.

I hate to break it to you America...but the line for fast food is not going to save your life. If it's not your turn to place your order then you must wait. Also, the longer you wait the less calories you'll be consuming. But of course you're not concerned with that because you'll be drinking Diet soda and that solves all of life's woes.

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And finally, on a lighter note. I cracked my iPod Touch today...but I still had a great day. I didn't let one bad moment ruin the rest of my day. I dropped the iPod in the morning, shrugged it off, and went about my life. What would be the point in dwelling on it? Take it from me, spend your time producing joy rather than clinging on misery. It will lower your cholesterol better than Cheerios.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Pillow Fight


I bet you were hoping a funny video came with this post. Wrong. But I commend you for your effort!

The above photo is something I've found fascinating within the most fascinating website to hit the web since the new millennium. The "requests" that I get on Facebook are so beyond the ideal of human behavior.

Don't you have ANYTHING constructive to do on the internet besides throwing sheep at me? I'm sorry if I don't want to become a member of your mafia, pirate, count chocola brigade. I'm also sorry I let your digital tulips die. It's just that they require much more sunlight and water then any regular plant I've ever had in existence.

And please don't be offended if I don't join your "Cause". I just don't think that saving newts in the arctic is my supreme calling in life.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

American Priorities



I've come to realize recently that we have, as Americans, set our priorities in the wrong places.

The other night I was in the mood to watch a chick flick. Why do women do this to themselves? I decided that instead of feeding the unrealistic expectations of love I would rent an honest chick flick. Yes, I know my effort was in vain and a bit diluted.

I wandered over to the "New Releases" section of the store. I also think "New Release" movies are a bogus concept. The sign should probably read "These movies will be here for the next 15 years but if you'd like to pay more to watch it now then we'd be more than happy to take your money"

Anyhow, I succumbed to the stupidity of the new release and found myself standing in front of a wall of empty cases for the film "He's Just Not That Into You". There was one left. Fate perhaps. But while I was there I scanned the other rows of DVD's to see what else was in such high demand. Nothing. This film had been rented more than any other film.

What is happening with men, women, relationships, and their notions of what's correct? I can only believe that so many of these films were rented because too many women either can't take a hint and need to learn how, or, they're just depressed on a rainy day. I guess I'll assume the latter.

The second thing that I've found troubling is the fact that I've received more compliments on my weight loss than on finishing my college education. I didn't know it was harder to put down a Ho-Ho than it is to take six final exams in four days.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Textiquette



Thanks to the 21st century there have been new developments in conversation.

One of these new developments is texting. No one really talks on the phone anymore. What's the point? You could do so much more during a text conversation then you could on the phone.

For example, on the phone you're not able to use the bathroom. Or do anything else that may be deemed foul background noise.

You also can't do other things on the phone. Things like making a quilt, seeding a garden, writing a novel, darning socks, teaching English as a second language, searching the night sky for UFO's, fulfilling your Phoenix online masters degree. Ya know, those things that every normal person does in their free time.

The only unfortunate problem with texting is "Textiquette". The understanding of how to have a proper texting conversation. There are some things you need to remember when holding a lengthy discussion with text messages.

1. The other person needs to understand the acronyms you're using. Things like LOL and ROFL or BRB are common place. Things like WHDELYABYFN which stand for "whatever, he doesn't even like you anymore because you're fat now" or WDWLMWRHLAPF "why don't women like men with receding hair lines and pet ferrets" are not acceptable acronyms.

2. Texting too fast. Just because they call you lightning in homeroom doesn't mean that grandma can keep up with your super human texty thumbs.

3. Don't leave the conversation hanging. I understand you can get side tracked. But did you die? Why can't you just answer my question? How do you expect me to speak to you in real life when you can't formulate a response? That's like going to a drive thru and never getting the food you ordered.

So there you go. Follow those three easy steps to texting and you're on your way to more great and meaningful relationships in your inbox.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Parody Songs

I love to write parody songs. I will probably write one soon and post it here. Until then, enjoy this wonderful parody not written by me but seriously amazing!




Also read this!

http://averageadvice.blogspot.com/

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

My Kind of Eggs


Have you seen the movie Runaway Bride?

In this film Julia Roberts is put in front of many plates of eggs. She realizes that she has no idea what kind of eggs she likes.

I like my eggs sunny side up. I like to dip my toast in them. I don't like other types of eggs. I will eat other types if I'm hungry but I don't like them.

The moral of the eggs isn't really about eggs at all. It's about knowing who you really are. What would you do in a certain situation? What would you say? What do you really enjoy or love about life?

These last few months I've really been trying to get to know myself. What I really want. But now I think that you don't find out what you want until you're given what you don't want. Or, until you are truly and utterly bored with yourself or your circumstance.

Here's something I recently discovered about myself thanks to boredom and nightmares.

I don't like genetically modified food. I think it's nonsense. We had hundreds of varieties of apples in the 19th century. Now we have a handful. The earth was created to grow things. We don't need scientific lab oriented corn to eat. We need hard working men and women with little tact for the urban life but a great understanding of farming.

Also, scary films are not my forte. I recently watched some old scary Spielberg film. I had nightmares 2 days later. I will stick to chick flicks about teenage girls with eating disorders and attitudes bigger than the calories they consume.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Muffin Tops, Moms, and Migratory Birds


I haven't been posting very often. I will explain why by using the three topics in the title of this blog.

Muffin Tops

I've been working quite a bit. I like my job. I believe the best part of my job is people watching. Since I work in a mall food court I get to see all types of individuals. My favorites are the muffin tops.

Muffin tops are girls with muffin tops that seem to have no understanding of the way in which their bakers dozen is falling over their waist. I'm sorry if this is too graphic for you. It's too graphic for me to watch on a daily basis.

Now please don't be offended by my comments. I have topped the muffin too. I just conceal it in a humane way. Not only do they wear these muffin tops in all glory but they adorn them with neon green lettering on their shirts. Sometimes they add a bit of tacky necklaces to enhance the already obvious belly button region.

As these muffin tops walk they seem to sway in a very forward and aggressive fashion. I can almost hear what they're thinking. "I look so good in these jeans. It looks like I've lost 10 pounds. I bet that guy working at Subway thinks I'm hott! He probably does because I am. And this shirt is so cute."

Moms

I also haven't been writing much because my computer is at home and I have been avoiding home. It's not a bad place I'm just a private person. Mothers have a way of asking a simple question such as "how's the weather outside?" and expecting an answer such as "Great. I think I need to reevaluate my life goals. Could you help me mom? Also, could you tell me who to date? Where to live? And what to think?".

Migratory Birds

Since the mom situation is on the ups I am realizing that I must be an adult now and move out of my parents house. I am looking for an apt with my friend. I am migrating out of the ghetto.

I've often thought that migratory birds are the most intelligent species on the planet. Why haven't we realized that it's not fun to live in freezing weather. That possibly if we're uncomfortable with a situation that maybe we should leave? I bet the birds had a great laugh at cavemen.

Sally Bird: "Did you see him cowering in that cave? That's so dawning of evolution. Let's keep it B.C. and fly south"

Fonsie Bird: "All riiight. I'm in!"

Friday, April 17, 2009

Relationship Status



What is this? Are you kidding me? It use to be an actual challenge to find out whether someone was dating or single. Whether they had previously been married or were "players".

Now, with a click of a button you can discover whether you truly want to venture into the unknown world of someone's romantic life. It's called the Facebook Relationship Status.

I've found that this little "buddy" is fundamentally false. I would like to tell you what each "status" truly means so you don't get confused in the future.


Single

This means you want people to know that you're single. You want every other available and somewhat attractive male to see this status and keep your name in his mental little black book. You want it out there so that when you accidently end up at his work at the Jiffy Lube that he will find a strange way to hit on you.

This status might also be for the desperate. It should really say "Single, balding, owner of 6 cats, drives a station wagon, watches your facebook status's to see what you're doing, is too scared to ask you out so he/she will be "just friends" forever but will still keep he/she's status single just so you can know that they want you real bad". Yup, that's what it should really say. But that's too long to fit in a short form box.

In a Relationship

This means that you want EVERYONE to know that you don't have the "single" status anymore. That somehow you were able to crawl out from under that pathetic rock of loneliness and find someone else to listen to your terrible story about Vegas over and over again. Good for you. Everyone really cares. They really really do. Really. Seriously. You're relationship is the main topic of their conversations. They think about it all the time. They think it's great. Really. Really it's so great. Really it is. Really.

It's Complicated

Wait, what is complicated? You're head? Yeah, that's what I thought. Either you're in a relationship or you're not. Those that put this just want the other person to make a decision about the relationship. If you're the person with whom put "it's complicated", I'm sorry. MAKE A DECISION for the other person. They're NOT going to do it. Or, maybe they don't really like you. Sorry. It's too complicated to explain to you.

Engaged

Really they still care. Really they do. Really.

Married

Don't worry, we won't go after your spouse. We don't like them anyways. They smell kind of strange and they keep telling us that annoying story about when they went to Vegas. You just keep reading deep introspective books while your spouse is at work. The rest of us will be stalking people on Facebook.



There it is my friends. The real status behind the Relationship Status. Happy hunting!

Sunday, April 5, 2009

The President of the World


I like to keep this blog humorous for the most part, however, it is still MY blog. So I can say what I want.

I recently just changed my political views on Facebook.com to "It's none of your business".

Why did I do that?

Well as you can see from the photo above, U.S. politics is completely out of hand. Our view of our current president is beyond simple "holder of office". I have heard references to him even being something of a "savior" for our country.

If you remember who the "Savior" is then you'll remember that the only savior that exists is Jesus Christ. I will not nor will I ever equate Barack Obama to being like The Savior. Ever.

I haven't seen a major news magazine without a photo of him issued for months. I am also very irritated every time I walk by the FYE record store in the mall and see a CARDBOARD CUTOUT of him. On the opposite side of the store window is one of Kristen Stewart from Twilight. Seriously? I think that alone is why the word "seriously" was invented.

And what's with the world travel? I saw an interview with Hillary Clinton recently. She looked annoyed and bored. Why is that? Because President Obama is doing HER job! She should be the one traveling the globe and making solutions for peace and telling the world what we will or won't give, create, or do for them. It beckons an interesting question...what if the offices were opposite?

Now I'm sure you have come to a conclusion about my political standing by reading this. Sorry, you're wrong. Since all of the Bush nonsense, election of 2004 and 2008, global warming, gay marriage, bank downfalls, and the creation of Wal-Mart I cannot deem any political party viable. And if I do choose one it's going to be my business.

Let's bring our country back to basics. Not back to the anti-technology doldrums. But back to an era where we were a strong and independent country. You do remember why we came here right? To escape Europe. Now Europe needs us to survive. It's funny how things work isn't it?

Friday, March 27, 2009

Fanny Packs


I've come to find out that there is a certain fashion fad coming back to the surface. They are fanny packs.

I've realized that these are increasingly more and more convenient as the years go by.

Back when fanny packs were first created we didn't have enough things to put in them. People were confused by their creation. Back then we had something called "paper money" or "dollars". Our cell phones (if you were lucky enough to procure one) were about the size of a mens size 13 shoe. Finally, we had not yet fallen into the dismal belief that carrying a miniature bottle of sanitizer would cure you of cancer, ebola, or other strange viral and non-viral diseases. So what was there to put into your fanny pack? Back then some would store their Ray-Bans in them. Others would use their nifty waistline storage device to store the packages of saltines that you would get with your soup at fast food restaurants.

Now, it's the 21st century and the need for a fanny pack is on the rise. We can put smaller cell phones in them, protein bars, miniature hair brushes that fold into mirrors which fold into a tray of makeup which folds into a bottle of botox and a needle for simple at home applications. The possibilities of the fanny pack are endless. So don't disrespect the fanny pack or those that wear one. Don't assume that beyond that fanny pack that all there is is a neon scrunchy, illiterate conversation, and bad teeth. there is more to the fanny pack...and there is more to you!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Things People Don't Know About



So, I'm a very personal person. I do talk, or joke, about many personal things but people never know what is actually going on because it is usually none of their business.

I thought I would clear some things up that seem to be confusing people. Or, so people will stop making assumptions and asking me about my personal life. Hopefully, I can still be humorous about this otherwise this blog will fall into the depth of boredom that most blogs do.

1. Work...

I work at Taco Bell. I am currently a shift manager working towards a better position there. I am in charge of being in charge of everything. Okay...not really. But I am one of the few people that the employees actually listen to. I think it is because I use a motherly tone and have an education. On a regular basis I deal with their emotional, physical, mental, and anger issues. Furthermore, I also get called "bitch" by customers in front of their children. No, it is not a glamorous job.

So why am I still there? Why haven't I run for the nearest bus stop, cab depot, or corner to sell myself? Because they treat me well, I have a very good boss, and the money is good. Also, because I am good at what I do. I don't just make the food. I make sure the restaurant is working well, I do a bunch of paperwork so we don't run out of things like tacos, and I prevent the restaurant from being plastered all over Dateline NBC by teaching my co-workers how to properly prepare food in a sanitized environment. (fyi...there are other places in the umall you may not want to eat at. Subway, Taco Bell, and Mcdonalds are very clean).

So that is work. Don't ask me about again please. And don't try to tell me I should get a different job. In case you forgot...this is my life. And I'm obviously VERY stubborn.

2. My Family...

Weekly I get the same question at church. "How is your family?" I would like to remind humanity that filler family questions are not sincere. A more sincere question might be the following...

"How do you make your hair look so good everyday?"

Or,

"How far are you in the Twilight Series?"

Those are the questions that pertain to me and that I would feel okay discussing with strangers. Just because you have been to my house does not mean we are BFF's and that I want to discuss my personal family issues with you. Sorry, I'm a private person. For those of you who don't understand this family section of this post, here is some background info: my mom has schizophrenia. She's an amazing women but also a private person with whom I don't discuss with people whom I don't know any better than the anchors on the Fox News Channel.


Wow, that was extremely therapeutic and now I think I may clean my room. I will also be finishing up my bottle of the best drink ever created...

Diet Dr. Pepper

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Obama Says: "You can have whatever you didn't vote for"


Okay, so he didn't really say that. But it seems as though every major social issue coming our way can be fixed and overruled by President Obama.

Don't get me wrong...some things I support. Things like a random check for 1,000 that I am supposed to get, or was told I might get, or the news mentioned something about me getting.

But some things seem to have been overridden and pushed through office without debate.

Things like...

1. Stem Cell Research

2. Marriage

3. The creation of 50 more buildings in the U.S. dedicated to printing only the stimulus money and new dresses for Michelle Obama.

Okay, the last one was a lie. Seriously though, what's next? Legalized looting? You mean to tell me that I will be able to go over to the Jones place and take their TV from them? That would be wonderful because I always wanted to keep up with them.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

The Sober Drunk



Recently I've been exploring Burlington's bar scene sober. Why? Because I don't drink. It's a personal and religious choice and I'm glad I made it. The following are reasons why I'm glad I don't consume the real "CrysTAL" on a regular basis...

1. Close talkers. I've noticed that the more alcohol is consumed the closer people start to speak to you. So close, in fact, that you hope that their "spit-talking" doesn't fly your way because you're afraid of the newly renovated cold sore boarding the express train to the corner of their mouth. And if you didn't think you could get an STD without sleeping with someone, you're wrong. Cold sores are a form of Herpies.

2. Everything is funny. Seriously...everything. You could be the most unattractive awkward person in the room but if you give a drunk person a thumbs up you're friends forever. You have suddenly become the most hilarious person in their circle of new drunk friends that they won't remember tomorrow.

3. Bad dancing. Ellane on Seinfield had nothing on some of the moves I've seen recently. High end back thrusts that end in circular gyrations with overturned toe twitches. What did I just say? It doesn't matter, because what they can do with their body drunk is something that should be studied by psychiatrists and choreographers for national geographic.

4. Karaoke. We cannot spell the work Karaoke but we can throw back a few and spin in circles while chanting the words to "Love Shack" so loud that the only thing you can really comprehend is "Shum back, macks bere meez tat".

5. The high school reunion. It happens to me weekly. "Omg! How are you! I haven't seen you in years! What are you up to?" My response: "oh just having fun and figuring out what I want to do with my life" Translation: I don't want to tell you that I still work at Taco Bell.

Monday, February 23, 2009

The Dalai Lama



I just watched a great documentary about the Dalai Lama. The quote below I feel encompasses the reasoning behind why we should learn about other religions.

"I believe all religions pursue the same goals, that of cultivating human goodness and bringing happiness to all human beings. Though the means might appear different the ends are the same."
-His Holiness The Dalai Lama

Monday, February 16, 2009

Quote of the Week

"It's been a great ride. But I know how quickly these fads can pass. You all remember the pet rock, the mood ring, Howard Dean." -Barack Obama

Above is my favorite quote for this week. It's funny how fast things, time, people, and experiences pass by. I have graduated high school and college. I am now in that awkward phase of life. I am suffering from post graduation sydrome.

I've been going to Karaoke with some friends in my city. There are many people my age suffering from PGS. You see, PGS is only reserved for single people working dead end jobs. One's who don't currently live in their own apartment or have something in their life that keeps things from being ideal to the cultural standard of post college youth.

After seeing all these young people suffering from PGS I felt a little better about myself. I am not alone. However, I am alone in the fact that I don't drown it out with alcohol or the excessive use of Mary Jane.

Speaking of Mary Jane and booze. Today I ran into a friend who works in the mall. This guy works at a hat store. Selling over priced Red Sox caps to middle class middle school wannabe gangsters. I asked him how he was. He said that he "smoked himself to sleep". He went on to tell me that he woke up that morning and started drinking. He then managed to get himself downtown to purchase a movie. Afterwards he planned on going home and getting stoned and drunk even more.

Here's the really sick part. He didn't act any different than when I usually saw him at work.

How long does it take to smoke yourself into a constant stoner coma?

This guy doesn't have PGS. He just has S.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Fame or Lame?

Tonight I watched a segment on Nightline about celebrity stalkers. The best part was the profile they did on Morgan Fairchild. Seriously? What is her stalker thinking? Morgan Fairchild is a very nice woman. I've met her before. But of all the celebrities to stalk, why Morgan?

This got me to thinking past celebrity stalkers into real life. Unlike these stalkers (who usually have some form of mental illness), what is our obsession with fame? With money?

I narrowed it down to one evening. One single solitude moment when all the sleep deprivation, multiple births, social networking, and debt are worth it.

It's the high school reunion.

Yup. It will closely walk behind you like Peter Pans shadow until ten years post graduation hits and you go into a week long early-life crisis.

Your inner thoughts might go something like this...

"What have I done with my life? Does Sally Stetson have more children than me? I bet Joey is fat? Oh I hope he's fat. What if he's not? What if Mary isn't fat? Someone told me she was fat...or was it thin? Maybe she's thin because she does coke? I drink too much Coke. I need to stop or my teeth might not be white enough for the reunion. White teeth...Lucy had really nice teeth. And nice shoes, accessories, jewelry. Oh gosh! Ok...well at least she isn't married. I've got that one on her. Or do I? It has been ten years. But Sally Stetson said she's still meeting men in Barbados? But she could still be married? Ah. What should I say? Do? Wear? And most importantly...who's car am I going to borrow?"

Let's put it this way. It's been 5 years for me. I don't plan on putting on a show and I don't really care if I'm famous. But I will wear a nice pair of heels.

Below is a photo of me and Morgan Fairchild. In case you care about those things.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Silence Isn't Golden

I've decided that America has a problem with communication.

It isn't that we don't communicate. It's that we communicate too much. In fact, our over communication has made silence painful.

I cannot live in silence. There must always be something. A radio, TV, or even my iPod when I'm indoors. I am constantly surrounded by speaking or listening of some kind.

Today I noticed how it became a problem. A friend was trying to talk to me. Trying to get his point across. I couldn't stand long enough for him to keep the conversation going. There was a moment of silence and I used it as an excuse to escape, just in case another moment of silence came back to strangle me.

There was nothing wrong with what we were discussing. It was a pretty simple conversation. But it was taking too long for me so I shut him down. I suppose you could call it a form of conversation A.D.D on my part.

Below is a photo of me during conversation lulls.



An opposite situation happened this weekend. I met a lot of great people. Some friends and some people I hadn't met before. There was no lull in conversation and I could keep it flowing for a long time. It was fun. So to wrap up this post I guess I have to say that there truly are introspective and more passive people. I am not one of those. I am active. And talkative. And Loud. And funny. And I won't apologize for it. Because when it comes down to it. The best thinkers in the world had to learn how to talk so they could convey their thoughts. And those thoughts created history.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

The World Revolves Around Me. Right?

I've encountered some interesting people in my life. The ones that make me giggle the most are the ones who truly believe they're the center of the universe.

I've created a visual representation in case you are one of those people and cannot understand.





The thing about these unique people is that their self-infatuation is an art form. They can sneak in overly personal information into any conversation.

Me: "Hey how are you today?"

Judy Universe: "I'm great. I actually just got a ticket. I got a pulled over last week too, but I got off because I knew the cop. He was my grandfathers cousins brother. His name is Earl. Earl and I use to go to High School together. That was before I got kicked out for possetion of 15oz of pot. But that's okay because Dale got me a job over at the gas station. I'm working with Terri now. She's a pretty good boss except she doesn't give me any time off. That's alright though because the kids are moving out soon. But they still both have car payments. They got their cars up at that Ford dealership near the Jiffy Lube. It's right next to where my grandfathers cousins brother lives".

Me: "Wow. I'm sorry. Have a great day!"

Monday, February 2, 2009

25 Random Things You Didn't Know About Me And Probably Don't Really Care About But Will Continue To Read Because You Think I'll Reveal A Life Secret


1. I just watched three episodes of "The City" and am still wondering who actually believes people our age live like that.

2. I want to be a cast member of SNL.

3. I am a good singer but I hide it because I am scared to put myself out there and I can't play an instrument.

4. I can't get through "New Moon". It's terribly boring.

5. I like my job at Taco Bell because I love people watching. What better place to people watch then in a mall food court?

6. Boyfriend? What boyfriend? Oh, I'm sorry...did you see him? Could you give him my number?

7. I am not a good driver.

8. I absolutely love granola.

9. I have a sister. Her name is Erin and she is AMAZING! A lot of people think I was raised as an only child because they've never met her and don't pay attention when I mention her. Which I do. Often. For good reasons.

10. My entire family is from Massachusetts. Everyone back as far as the early mid 1800's. My parents broke the mold. (oops, except my sister)

11. I break the mold.

12. I shop too much for things I don't need. I recently bought a Red Sox hat because I thought I would wear it but realized that I don't really wear hats.

13. I am pissed that Jewel started singing country music and I think she is a sell out.

14. I don't like country music.

15. One of my favorite things to do is discover a new restaurant.

16. I could spend my life traveling and living in hotel rooms. I would be perfectly happy. Please find me that job.

17. I believe that real musicians write their own music. The ones who don't are merely singers.

18. I think if I actually spent some time writing material I could be a fairly good stand-up comedian.

19. The one time I actually did stand-up was when I wrote my material in an hour. I also only tried out because no other girls had tried out.

20. I am terribly loyal and feel awful when I let friends or anyone down. Sometimes I even distance myself from them because I feel so bad.

21. I could live on chicken lo mein.

22. Rexburg Idaho does not have good pizza anywhere in the entire town.

23. I felt trapped at BYUI but I still think it's an amazing school and would recommend it to anyone!

24. I contradict myself often.

25. Sometimes I say I do or don't like something because I don't want to be the same as the person I'm talking to.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Locks of Blagojevich

This post is a tribute to all of those messed up celebrities and politicians who could or possibly should, but probably not, donate their hair.

1. Blago-vago-play dough-which-tick-veech-something or other.

You look at him and you yern for all those 20 somethings suffering from male pattern baldness. If only they could share in his synthetic pleasures, they would be so fulfilled!

Not to mention you could hide the key to your safety deposit box under those luscious locks. A must for anyone getting paid under the table.




2. Britney Spears



Britney can donate because Britney is a giver. She really cares. Not only did she shave her head for no good reason. She helped the future failing economy by doing it herself. Also, in an act of selflessness, she decided not to donate her hair because it had been colored too many times and soaked in gin.

Currently she is re-growing for her next caring gesture. And also so she can cover herself up on the next nude magazine cover she shoots.


3. Richard Simmons

Finally, I believe many birds could be saved through the aid of Richard Simmons. In fact I think the World Wildlife Federation is going to push a bill to make Richards "Fro" a nationally recognized nature refuge.

The only problem...the birds would have to fly south for the winter once Richard started shooting his next "Sweatin' to the 80's" video. Their habitat would turn into a wetland by the time they heard Karma Chemeleon.

Fruit at the Bottom

Some things seem to baffle me. Seriously, I sit there and cannot contemplate the purpose of certain things.

One of these things is "Fruit at the Bottom" yogurt.

What is the purpose in this? Isn't yogurt meant to be easy to eat? I wasn't under the assumption that it was supposed to be a treasure hunt. And what were the creators of FATB yogurt thinking? They must've been sitting in their corner office and all of a sudden had an epiphany!


Stan: "Hey man, I got it!"

Joey: "I'm sorry, did you say something? I was too busy eating a Hot Pocket"

Stan: "Yea man, I figured out how we can make money with our yogurt and screw with peoples heads at the same time!"

Joey: "You mean put weed in the yogurt?"

Stan: "No you idiot! We'll just put the fruit at the bottom"

Joey: "At the bottom? What if they don't make it that far?"

Stan: "Well, we'll tell them where the fruit is on the cover of the container. Ya know, so they don't get confused and all"

Joey: "Sweet! Let's do it!"

Stan: "Great. I'm glad you're on board. Say....do you have another Hot Pocket?"




Yup, I'm pretty sure that's how the conversation went. It was all a genius scheme by a couple of corporate stoners.

But seriously what is the point is shoveling through that buttery bitter cover surface till you get to the fruit? Not to mention how annoying it is to have to stir. Here's the best part...you can even buy yogurt that comes with a spoon. So now they've saved you all the time it takes to get a spoon...but you still have to tunnel to the bottom for your fruity goodness.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Jimmy Fallon and My Dreams

As I may have mentioned before, I want to be involved with sketch comedy someday. I would love to write and act for SNL! Until then I must just share funny videos of others who've made it. This is Jimmy Fallon. He used to be on SNL. He was pretty funny but I think he does better at stand-up. He's taking over the evening slot on NBC that Conan currently has. Here's a funny video I'd like to share.

Also, if you are on SNL...give me a job. If you know someone who works for SNL...have them give me a job. I will promise you good karma for years to come!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Sexually Transmitted Dilemmas



Have you ever had an answer to a question make too much sense? You know those times when someone says "Sure, they could do that but it would make too much sense".

This thought came to me when I was listening to a commercial for Planned Parenthood. The commercial talked about how birth control doesn't protect you against STD's. The commercial went on to invite young listeners to come on down to planned parenthood and learn other ways to protect yourself against STD's.

I'm sorry. I'm confused. I'm pretty sure there is only ONE way to effectivly protect yourself against STD's. Don't become a whore. Seriously, it's simple. Only sleep with a steady partner who has been tested and is faithful to you. Futheremore, when I say "steady" I mean more than two weeks.

Here's another idea. Don't have sex till you have a shiny thing on your left hand. And no I don't mean Michael Jackson's rinestone glove. I mean A RING. A wedding ring.

Do I make sense or shall I type slower? Now this isn't to say that everyone needs to have a purity ball, become Mormon, or join a monastary. It means that we need to be vigilant and intelligent about sex. I believe sex is very important to humanity, marriage, and life. But at what cost is a few hours of pleasure? Is it worth the many years of child rearing? How about the agonizing pain of those pussing pollups? Sorry for being so graphic but maybe what the world needs is graphic.

I remember seeing photos of blackened lungs on the walls of my classroom for health class. It was sickening what these posters portrayed to get the point across about smoking. couldn't the same be said of STD's. The posters could read "Friends Don't Let Friends Become Whores". It could picture two teenage girls standing side by side. One holding a dirty diaper and the other with her arms full of various ointments.

I think that might get the point across. If not, go to Planned Parenthood.

Monday, January 19, 2009

My Moody Rant



I have had some things lately that are bothering me. I'm pretty moody today so I'll just let them out through writing because that's what I do.

1. How much money are we spending on this inauguration? It saddens me that we didn't give the same respect to past presidents as we are Barack Obama. Please don't misunderstand my notions. I support Barack Obama. I would've voted for him if the state of Vermont had actually sent me my absentee ballot. But what I don't understand is how we can spend so much money on balls, galas, ect...when that money could pay off thousands of foreclosed mortgages. If you can find an article that says that all of that money was from private donations then I will rest my opinion of this subject.

2. Also on the subject of this historic event. Why don't American schools get inauguration day off every four years? I think it should be a mandatory holiday. We should move presidents day to inauguration day and then call it inauguration day every four years instead of presidents day.

3. The F word. This is not an important part of the English language. It is not a useful verb and even less useful as a noun. Aren't there other verbs you could use? Maybe verbs like "forget" or even the more vulgar but less humiliating "screw". I don't like being on the bus and hearing a couple of degenerates talk about their life and the weather immediately followed by F, or preceding F. Could it be possible for you to read a book and understand that there are other words? Maybe you could pick up a copy of Dr. Seuss. Even the book Everybody Poops is likely not to use the malicious F.

4. Drugs. It's simple. Stop doing them and you'll be a better person. I won't expound on this because if you do drugs then you know it's wrong. I consider drinking beyond socially a drug. I don't drink personally but outside of religious values I believe social drinking is okay. The problem are those that think it's okay to keep going. Get completely sloshed. Come to work hungover and then complain. Not okay.

5. Radio top 40 songs. THE TOP FORTY CONSISTS OF MORE THAN TEN SONGS. 95.5FM in Burlington Vermont is the worst and most redundant radio station I've ever heard. I've worked in radio for four years. We never repeated our top 40 as much as this station. I've NEVER heard another station do this like Triple X does. Not in NYC, Idaho, California, Montana, Washington State, Virginia, or Utah. Nor has it been that bad on any online radio stations that I've listened to. I think they're subject to modern day payola. If you don't know what payola is then look it up.

6. I sent a very professional email in regards to a service opportunity in the community. I have great credentials and experience for the area of service I want to do. SERVICE=NO PAY. I wasn't applying for a job. They still haven't emailed me back. It would at least be professional to respond to someone who's interested in helping the community and trying to give back. It's too bad we live in a community where it's easier to live off the government then it is to serve someone.

All right. That's all I have for now. I'm sure I'll go on one of these rants again. But for now...that is all I have to say.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

He's So Articulate

This makes me sad on two levels. 1. That we elected this man to run our country for eight full years. 2. To watch such a broken man speak on national television. I know I sound contradictory but I think even he has realized the measure of his mistakes.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

No Nuttin News

Well if you know me well then you know that my dream job is to write and perform sketch comedy. Below is my final mock newscast written and edited by me! Also starring me as Anchor Woman and Sharmaine! Much thanks to all those who helped me out! This memory is worth the effort.

Enjoy!

Friday, January 16, 2009

Service

So today I have the day off and boredom is mounting. I went from spending 14 hour days on campus to working 40 hours a week and thinking that it's not enough to fill my time.

I decided I should do some service in the community. I really want to get involved with helping kids get ready for college. I recently had a conversation with one of my co-workers about his plans post H.S. graduation. He said he wanted to go into something particular but wasn't sure if he could get there because of his life circumstances. It made me sad and angry to think that someone has given him the notion that he can't accomplish what he wants. So..I encouraged him. I think others have too. Recently he seems to have a plan for school and it looks like he's going to get to do what he wants. Please understand this didn't really have anything to do with me but I'm glad I could encourage nonetheless.

I think it's important to serve and my parents have been good examples of this. My mother would teach craft classes to the elderly and my father helps coordinate the childrens community gardens in Burlington.

Below are some links that you can use to help get involved yourself, or, get inspired to serve!

United Way

http://www.liveunited.org/

CNN Heroes

http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2008/cnn.heroes/


Here are some videos of CNN Heroes





Sunday, January 11, 2009

What is a Bum?

Today in church someone told me I was "bumming it".

I was a bit put off by her blatant lack of filter for conversation. Why did she assume I was a bum? I said I wasn't looking for a job...but that didn't mean I didn't have one. I do have one. Granted...it's far from glamorous...but it's employment nonetheless. Which is more than I can say for the other 7% of unemployed people in this country.

Also...after four 1/2 years of stressing out, freaking out, lack of eating, too much eating, lack of sleep, all nighters, lack of money, lack of time, makeup-less face, too much makeup for performances, singing to big crowds, standing in front of little crowds, producing, editing, writing, reading, reading more, textbooks, good books, sleeping in nooks, campus dances, campus concerts, construction on campus, the overuse of the word campus, planning, forgetting to plan, using a planner, bills, cheap thrills without the fun of frills or pills, full clothing, no flip flops, wearing flip flops without getting caught, overuse of the letter I, remembering that there is no I in team, being a part of I-Team, I-comm, I can....

I can chose to take a break. A nice long break. Maybe a year. Trust me...in a short amount of time I'll go insane of my current circumstances. Then once again you'll read of a new place. But for now...it's this place, and I'm a bum.


Thursday, January 8, 2009

I'm ESFP

Here is my personality type according to Myer Briggs...

"Extraverted sensing types are pragmatic and realistic with a zest for living life to the fullest by way of multiplying experiences. Always on the alert for what needs immediate attention or what might provide a bit of action, excitement or entertainment, they engage quickly with their environment. They seek and enjoy freedom, are good-natured, direct, and tolerant and are often the ones who provide levity.

They have a way with dealing with people on a very equal platform and are not easily star struck. Rank, celebrity and status mean little when they are face to face with another individual.

On the job, they appreciate having the right tools and are quite ingenious at finding ways to fix and repair things with dexterity. They love variety and are curious and adventurous, enjoying the unexpected. Their brand of extraversion is one of deeds rather than words. As long as things are moving along, they are happy. They like to keep things simple and immediate, going with the flow. They are helpful in very concrete ways, providing the correct tools or specific service the person requires. They often have an uncanny ability to respond appropriately in cases of emergencies, often having excellent reflexes. They act without thinking. They also tend to have natural mediating skills.

They are attuned to the environment and the myriad colours, textures, sounds, beauty and the sensuousness of it all. They are quite graceful and agile while moving through their environment. They love having fun and if things are too quiet they may provide the entertainment or distraction. They learn by imitation and are keen observers. They teach through example. Their attention will always go towards whatever provides the keenest impression on their senses. "

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Popular Belief

So apparently there is a popular belief that I'm not doing anything with my life right now.

Apparently I am too good to be working in a restaurant. Apparently only skum work there and I have too much education to make the high pay rate that I currently make rolling burritos.

I am not upset at those who ask me what I'm doing at home working at Taco Bell. They have a valid reason to ask. Honestly, I just need a break. I don't think it's a smart time to jump in to Broadcasting and I need to save some money.

My eventual plans will probably push me towards NYC or someplace else that has a good paying news job...but for now I'm put. I have some immediate goals. One of them being to get a car ASAP.

It's true that we reject the unfamiliar. I'm just taking some time to figure out what direction of unfamiliar I want to go.