Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Muffin Tops, Moms, and Migratory Birds

I haven't been posting very often. I will explain why by using the three topics in the title of this blog.

Muffin Tops

I've been working quite a bit. I like my job. I believe the best part of my job is people watching. Since I work in a mall food court I get to see all types of individuals. My favorites are the muffin tops.

Muffin tops are girls with muffin tops that seem to have no understanding of the way in which their bakers dozen is falling over their waist. I'm sorry if this is too graphic for you. It's too graphic for me to watch on a daily basis.

Now please don't be offended by my comments. I have topped the muffin too. I just conceal it in a humane way. Not only do they wear these muffin tops in all glory but they adorn them with neon green lettering on their shirts. Sometimes they add a bit of tacky necklaces to enhance the already obvious belly button region.

As these muffin tops walk they seem to sway in a very forward and aggressive fashion. I can almost hear what they're thinking. "I look so good in these jeans. It looks like I've lost 10 pounds. I bet that guy working at Subway thinks I'm hott! He probably does because I am. And this shirt is so cute."


I also haven't been writing much because my computer is at home and I have been avoiding home. It's not a bad place I'm just a private person. Mothers have a way of asking a simple question such as "how's the weather outside?" and expecting an answer such as "Great. I think I need to reevaluate my life goals. Could you help me mom? Also, could you tell me who to date? Where to live? And what to think?".

Migratory Birds

Since the mom situation is on the ups I am realizing that I must be an adult now and move out of my parents house. I am looking for an apt with my friend. I am migrating out of the ghetto.

I've often thought that migratory birds are the most intelligent species on the planet. Why haven't we realized that it's not fun to live in freezing weather. That possibly if we're uncomfortable with a situation that maybe we should leave? I bet the birds had a great laugh at cavemen.

Sally Bird: "Did you see him cowering in that cave? That's so dawning of evolution. Let's keep it B.C. and fly south"

Fonsie Bird: "All riiight. I'm in!"


The Muffin Man and Ajax Report said...

first off, as a dude that previously worked at subway i guarantee that i wasn't think the "muffin top" was hott. guarantee. i might add, in fact i will, that clothes that look like they feel comfortable are more attractive. in a lot of ways.

secondly, i love my mom and she doesn't ask me leading questions. if she does i don't get it so i only answer what she asks. we have a good understanding i guess.

thirdly, i don't remember what else you typed, it's been a while, a minute or so, since i clicked over to this comment page...oh, right, migratory birds, i agree more than you know. seriously, birds aren't as dumb as they smell. why do we diss them by calling numbo's "bird brained?" of course, they did try to kill us off with that bird flu, we see how well that worked out. stupid birds. now if we can just outsmart the swine...

~tiffany said...

I enjoyed your post about the muffin tops. *shudder* Don't forget the belly button ring, to draw the eye in. It's the female equivilant of the plumber's crack. As for looking 10 pounds's not the smaller pants that do it, it's the pants that fit. If they would suck up their ego's and go up a size in pants (or two), then they'd look like they had lost those 10 pounds...and they would be the only one to know their pants size.

and if the guy at subway finds out the pants size...then that means' you've already bagged him, so who cares. ;)