Thursday, December 30, 2010


All right. Before you read this post you should read the link below...

Now that you've read the above article, I would like to give eight reasons why OCTO mother should not have her children in her custody. And quite frankly, I mean all 14 of them.

1. She doesn't have a home. Actually she hasn't for some time according to that article. Perhaps she owns some grocery bags to put her belongings in, but certainly not a home.

2. She will impose her skewed and Angelina Jolie oriented self image upon her daughters and feminine sons.

3. She's insane

4. When her sons begin boy scouts the other parents will be afraid that "Mama Sule" will try to be the den mother.

5. She consistently smells like baby powder and urine.

6, Gerber only has so much formula and once the pumps have broken it will take an entire staff at McDonalds to feed her family. Of course, that is if she can manage to get an advertising deal with the company in order to pay for food. HGH worked on octomom and it can work on your burger too!

7. There aren't enough hours in the day to teach 14 children how to read.

8. Heaven forbid one of those kids makes it to the White House. Where would they all stay? You better believe mom moves in first!

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Drink The Better Water

This morning I had one of those things everyone hopes of having when they work in an office. Yes, it was an epiphany. This happened when I went to fill my two water bottles for the day.

You see recently I've been hung up on the quality of life. More dating, more money, more clothes, more time, more tweets. And such is the case with most in their mid twenties. But it really shouldn't be, this is the time for quality.

Which brings me back to the water bottles. There are two options for filtered water in my office building. One is a regular fountain which takes too long to run and the water quality is a bit poor. The other is farther from my desk, it's a little bit harder to fill the bottles since there's no drain below said spout which is hooked to the a refrigerator. However, when walking farther to this refrigerator the quality of the water is much better.

So this is a small example of quality. But quality is so overlooked nowadays. I mean have you seen Jersey Shore? That cast walked out of an online ad for www.genericcrapwestillcan' which by the way is a free domain if you want it.

And so I go upon my life journey. I will begin to save my money once again. I will buy expensive shoes, and that coat that will take me a year to pay off but last me five. I will take care of my car and eat good food so the warranty on my body doesn't run out as fast as those smokers in the trailer park. And one day when I have the financial means to afford Burberry and $12 a plate is an afterthought I will look back and say to myself, boy...I'm glad I chose the better water.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Hey! I'm Mormon...whoops...

Recently I haven't cared about what people think when I say I'm Mormon. Gosh golly gee, I have something to believe in! Thank goodness I don't think I'm a waste of space in society. I (personally) know why I'm on this earth. Which, by the way, is pretty freaking cool.

Earthquakes? Yeah, they'll happen. Am I scared? Well, a little. But honestly, I'm glad I have faith and I'm not afraid to share my beliefs.

But...I do want you to be aware, if you don't agree, that is OKAY WITH ME! If you're happy, then you're happy. I won't push my religion on you. I really won't. But I will surely answer your questions.

Anyhow, this is a bit of a rant since it is 3:00am and I decided to pull an all nighter to take my very awesome friend to the airport after her original flight was canceled. That friend sparked the writing of this post, because she was been so patient as I rambled on about my religion, and not because I wanted to convert her, mostly because I just like to talk. Perhaps I even talk too much in my blog? I digress.

Well, after reading this...if you're wondering what I believe, there's a linky you can click on, or not. It is your decision.

Have a great day! I will spend mine in a sleep deprived stupor with an IV of Diet Coke hooked to my arm.

I'm a Mormon.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Christmas Cards and Getting Fat

I have two qualms about the holiday season...Christmas cards and getting fat.

Christmas cards will be my first qualm. Why do we send these generic pieces of cardboard crap? With awful sayings like "may your holiday season be joyous and your heart be filled". Filled with what? Artery clogging fruitcake, cookies, and ham? I think not. So, instead of sending stupid generic wastes of space in the society of cards, I took matters into my own hands. My card has a photo of me dressed as character from MadTV. Granted, it does say happy holidays but that's about as close as I get to generic in this card. Additionally, I've filled it with sparkles and sequins just to piss my friends off and have a constant reminder during the week that I care.

For those of you who read my blog and get my card, I'm sorry to ruin the surprise!

The second qualm that gets me is getting fat during Christmas. Freaking get fat! Eat everything! Heck, I'm using Christmas as an excuse to eat other foods that aren't Christmas oriented. I mean I'm sure I could ask McDonalds to cut my McDouble into a Christmas star but that would be somewhat sacrilegious now wouldn't it?

So above all. Enjoy this time. Relish in the screaming kool-aid mouth ringed children and the seasonal ex-cons working in the mall. Enjoy the grandmother who runs over your foot with her automatic wheel chair in WalMart and the clients who call you on December 23rd demanding a refund for something they've damaged. Give joy to the world of Warcraft that your boyfriend would rather play than spend time with you, and come all ye faithful mothers who don't want to bake one more gosh darn cookie for her child's teacher who has already made fun of said mothers kankles.

Peace on nog good will to figgy pudding (or whatever that substance is called).

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Popular "Tweeps"

So I've recently taken a liking to Twitter. I think it's a great and novel Idea. It's true, no one gives a crap about anything past 140 characters. We don't have time for 150 characters. We just don't. There are other more important things we could be doing instead of reading 150+ characters. Things like doing the tutorials for your online banking, darning socks, calling your cousin from Jersey you knew would never amount to anything, purchasing something from the home shopping network, pondering other careers for The Rock, joining internet dating sites, and watching Bernie Sanders talk for 8 and a half hours. All of those things take priority over 150 characters.

Unfortunately, there are some people who think they're too good to respond to someone's 140 characters. Now I'm not talking about the verified celebrities we follow in order to get their daily nuggets of wisdom. I'm talking about local celebrities, or businesses that don't respond to you when you clearly tweet AT them. When you even use the "@" symbol and their Twitter name.

Let me inform you crazy narcissistic fools, you are not too good for any TWEEP! You just aren't. You must respond. That is the point of Twitter. For people who don't know each other to talk freely and about utter nonsense with one another without feeling as though they will be judged for their thought of less than 141 characters.

As I said before, the worst ones are the ones that aren't even famous. Typically the one's that don't respond don't want to hurt their image, but they don't have an image at all. They think that heaven forbid they respond to this Tweep that the Tweep might actually think that they're formulating a relationship. Nope, wrong, they're probably mentioning you in their tweet because they think you're somewhat ignorant and they want the world to know. For which case you should probably respond otherwise you look like a jerk bag. That's right, I said jerk bag. And now, I will coin that phrase and put it on Twitter.

So don't be a jerk bag. Respond to me when I @ you on Twitter. Because when I'm famous, you'll want to follow me, you'll want to @ me, and I won't sink to your level, because I know now that I am better than you and your generic background and 17 friends.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Airport Body Scans

Gosh darn it I love them there airport body scans. Can I just tell you how wonderful it's going to be when I don't have to get groped by some smelly overweight cuban TSA agent with an awful sense of humor; even to the point that he convinces me I might possibly have a concealed nail clipper in my pocket.

So what if they get to see all my incidentals. I lost 50 pounds in the last year and I have to show it off somewhere. It'll be so wonderful to know that when a terrorist walks through one of those contraptions he'll be laughed at before he's arrested. We all know how those eastern men overcompensate. Not to mention their terrible flair for the dramatic when it comes to hiding bombs.

TSA: "why does that man have a copy of George Bush's memoir?"

TSA 2: "No silly, that's the bomb"

Terrorist: "What? Can't a middle eastern man learn of upstanding politics and enjoy a grammatically well written discourse?"

TSA: "You can, which is how we know that's the bomb"

Friday, November 5, 2010

Lil' Shame and Other Famous Sensations

Sometimes you just can't force stupid. And sometimes stupid propels you into fame and fortune and you wonder how some people went from cleaning June bugs off windshields to instantaneous media popularity. Now I'm not implying that all celebrities once worked at gas stations. Quite the contrary. Most of them studied science until they realized even the guy can have his own mitochondria of fame and models at his beck and call.

But how does one concoct the recipe of fame? I've decided to break it down into three simple categories. Surface embarrassment, substance hoarding, and raw janitorial talent.

1. Surface Embarrassment

These are the celebrities that make it big by outward idiocy. They surface in the public media streams like the little boy who went poo in the local swimming pool. You don't necessarily want to be near it, but you can't look away, you're just in awe that it actually happened and is visible. Usually these celebrities are also the color of poo. Brought about by too much fake tanning and metallic fashion accessories. The greatest enjoyment these celebrities give does not come from their appearance but rather the verbal diarrhea they omit upon each public and sometimes private appearance. They tend to leave out "t and h" in many words and pretty soon you've learned that their really excited for "everyfring" they're getting on their "birfday".

2. Substance Hoarding

This group of individuals has somehow used a serious physical and social problem to their advantage. I am not trying to make light of drug use. That is not a humorous issue. However, some celebrities seem to turn it into one. For example Lil' Shame is way too excited to be running around on probation. So excited that his probation documents were released online. Since when has a celebrities PO documents been online? You know he was hanging out in that courtroom hollering "yo man, anyone got a scanner? I can make a cool 10 G's from my boys at TMZ in ten minutes if you help a brotha out".

3. Raw Janitorial Talent

Yeah, I had to make a category for real talent. But the sick thing is, much of the real talent doesn't get discovered. Or, is discovered too late. You know Tu Pac is chillin upstairs with Aliyah and that chick with the eye from TLC. Their conversation probably follows something like...

Aliyah: "I think they had T-Shirts with my face on it before I died"

Left Eye: "PA-leeeeze! You think I wanted to go chasing these waterfalls? I was about to have a duel freestyle war with Eminem. Showin up that skinny white boy was the only thing on my mind"

Tu Pac: "Pishaw. I aint complaining. Those stupid people think I'm still alive. The other day some latino chick from Miami called 911 and said she saw me buy a pack of cigarettes at 7 Eleven. And I don't even smoke!" "Well...didn't"

There you have it my friends. Famous sensations. Well, by golly, someone needs to be spending frivolous cash to strengthen out economy. And if that means Snookie has to by bronzer and 15 more hats with the phrase "Princess" on it, then by all means, go wild!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Merch Dizzle

So, I discovered that I can put my funny sayings on items and sell them. So buy this for Christmas. I think your friends will love you for it.

create & buy custom products at Zazzle

Me, Myself, and More of Me!

So I decided to make a Facebook fan pages for myself! That's right. I deserve it! This is my gift to myself. If a midget who lip syncs can make it big then so can I.

So like my page! Do it! Do it!

Here's the link!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Pride Wants You

Yes, Uncle Sam wants you, but pride wants you more. I am so sick of everyone encompassed about themselves. I am sick of the greedy "me want" attitudes from children. I am sick of the parents that teach their children it's okay to hold grudges. I am sick of people not forgiving each other. I am sick of women thinking $65,000 weddings are necessary. I find it disgusting that shows like Jersey Shore actually exist. Shows about over tan materialistic morons who spend their days partying and attempting to boil water.

Society needs to take a sharp right turn. We need to start looking in the mirror. Who is the person you're becoming? Are you going out of your way to help people on a daily basis? Are you trying to progress yourself for the better? Or, are you squandering the resources God and humanity have given you?

I would also like to speak of the worst side of pride. Being unable to forgive. You're not hurting the other person when you don't forgive them. They will go on and live their life. You will continue to hold a grudge for the rest of yours. It can eat away at your heart and waste good moments in your life. In a job interview I was once asked the question "what would your enemies say about you?". This should be hard to answer. You shouldn't have enemies. Or, very few. Sometimes it's even feasible to ask forgiveness even when you're not at fault. You're asking forgiveness for holding hard thoughts towards the other party. Even if that other person was the root cause of the problem.

But what if you're already part of the problem and not the solution? Make friends. What? What do you mean make friends? Get to know everyone. The single mother, the popular woman, the intelligent friend, the youthful co-worker, the businessman, the grandparent. Get to know them all. Learn about them and their challenges. This will help you better sympathize with others. You will then be able to forgive them more easily. And your prideful comments will turn into moments of gratitude for the people that make this world what it aught to be.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Next, Turn Right

I have finally figured out the way I learn. How did I figure this out? One new job, two trips to Palmyra, NY, and many mistakes in the past few months.

Starting a new job can be challenging. Starting a new job twice in a year is a bit annoying. I was frustrated with myself on so many levels recently. Why? Because I was making mistakes and then was explained how to solve said mistakes even though I already knew what I did and how to resolve it.

Why did this happen to me? I follow the "Next, turn right" skill set for learning. I don't learn by watching someone else. I don't learn from listening persay. I learn from straightforward directions. In my mind all things are taught like a mapquest map. Next, turn right 100 miles.

So why did I write this? Why am I telling you this? Who cares if Christal gets lost, that's what her phone GPS is for.

Well, I write this because it's important that we all know how we best learn. If we can convey that to an employer, spouse, roommate, or friend, we instantly become more productive.

So, next time you venture to do something...think about how you learn. You might avoid asking the smelly gas station attendant with a name patch that reads "earl" how to get back to Vermont.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Stupid Is As Smoker Does

The title of this post is not from a sequel to Forrest Gump. Sorry, I hate to get your hopes up.

Today I decided I was going to be healthy and get a salad for dinner at the supermarket. When I got to the checkout lane I was behind two women. I shall describe them to you so you can get the picture of this situation in your mind.

Lady one, we'll call her Sally.

Sally was wearing a tight black skirt, black nylons, white hooped earrings, and a haircut from the 1980's. She was well put together but you could tell she possibly had had too many evenings down at the bar singing karaoke.

Lady two, we'll call her Tammy.

Tammy was wearing some jeans hiked up to her belly button. Sneakers with no socks. A baseball cap with jean material and a beige rim, glasses, and a striped blue and white quarter sleeve shirt. Her midriff decided the shirt was unnecessary. Underneath the dollar store baseball cap she had wispy gray hair that seemingly hadn't been brushed or washed for a day or so. Tammy's voice was somewhat corse.


Tammy is at the end of the line checking out. She has just bought a carton of cigarettes. Tammy looks towards Sally after the cigarettes are rung in and says "they say cigarettes make you stupid....". But she DIDN'T finish her sentence. She just turned back around and slid her credit/debit card.

Sally looked at me with that bewildered look. A look that said, boy I thought I had it bad in 1980.

My reaction was to place this moment in my mind to later write about it.

Then it got better....

Tammy's card didn't work. The portly young teenager that looks like the son on Family Guy couldn't read her card. A manager had to come over and "authorize". However, it turns out that Tammy had told portly cashier boy that she was running an EBT card instead of her credit/debit card. If you're unaware, an EBT card is what is given to you when you're using funds from welfare and other government assistance programs.

Well, ultimately everything was figured out. Tammy "the intellectual" got her CARTON of cigarettes. Sally got her whole rotisserie chicken, and box of wine. And I got the pleasure of witnessing the humor of simply daily moments in society.

Friday, September 3, 2010

You Decide Cool

I realized that the phrase and use of the term "cool" is so fluid. So many things can be deemed "cool". Seriously, depending on who you are and your social setting. literally, gum on the wall of a building could be considered cool.

Gum on a wall? Naw.

Yep! Check it out...

But beyond gum there is a deeper problem with our notion of good, bad, and awesome. Take for example your apartment in New York City. The smaller it is the better the experience becomes. The "cooler" you are. Even if it's a 10x10 closet on a 15 floor walk-up with no AC and a neighbor that always billows the smell of curry into your hallway. Even then, you are cool.

But say you just graduated college, and moved into your suburban apartment in a little town outside of Topeka Kansas. You better believe that no one wants to see your futon next to your bed. That is if in fact you aren't using the futon as your bed.

And what about gamers? Gamers use to be the most outcast groups in society. In high school you would wonder if they had multiple mouse pads in their rolling backpacks. But when you become older it's okay. Once you've dated and obtained a real adult job, gaming is like that super cool hobby that makes you look a bit more intelligent than the people that spend their nights with a beer and a baseball game. If you're a gamer you can start to speak another language that no one understands. And since they're unable to enter into your conversation they feel like outcasts. Which, in turn, means they aren't "cool".

Even moms can still be cool. Yep, you heard me. Moms. Mothers can do things like join the PTA or other local community organizations. They start to plan things and get other "ladies" involved. Pretty soon they say things like..."I'm going to lunch with the ladies". This then implies that they have also created a "cool" standing amongst their social PTA sub-culture.

But what about poor lowly you? I know what you're thinking. Christal, you're ridiculous. How can you think everyone can be cool?

Well they didn't make the movie Never Been Kissed for popular kids. Trust me. When you officially grow up you will see what I'm talking about. Until then, keep your head down, and try to realize which groups you could potentially gain the ranking of "cool" in.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Knowledge Matters. Sometimes...

I have a fervent annoyance for arrogant behavior. I think knowledge is pretty basic. Either you cultivate your mind or you don't. But don't underestimate those that might not appear to be cultivating. They'll surprise you.

I think, no...I know, that intelligence flows and ebbs based on your current circumstances. You don't often know how to be the best parent until you become one, right? And even then parents still falter, but they're considered better experts on the subject than those that haven't yet reared children.

I was pretty savvy about social issues and news oriented terms when I was amongst the news world and interning during the democratic primaries. Now, I couldn't tell you who stands for what if my second cousins life depended on it (I personally don't think my life would depend on a question of that nature). But what could I tell you about? I could tell you how to program a register. How to organize an event. How to film a news story. And, probably a myriad of other useless things. That is because that is the knowledge I'm currently working towards obtaining.

So please, don't give someone a strange look because they're unaware of who Vladimir Putin is. All they have to do is spend .003 seconds searching his name and they'll know. Now it's more about how you utilize the ways in which you find knowledge than how much you can retain. Street smarts are becoming more valuable than the card catalogue of useless information that you think is useful. And communication, that is the travelers check in the world of business and entrepreneurship.

So good luck out there. Remember, ingenuity is just a lazy persons form of intelligence. And quite frankly, if you're smart, you should keep up with the lazy people. After-all, America is one of the most consumer based and obese nations in the world.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010


We all need to stop standing around. If there is something we want to go for we should. We should enjoy our lives and not dwell. We should forgive everyone over everything all the time until we are in the position of not being hurt but still fully free of all animosity.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Pop-Tarts Theory

I will coin a phrase. Granted, it might involve the use of a major brand name, but it will be coined nonetheless.

This, my friend, is the "Pop-Tarts Theory". Pop-Tarts are easy to eat. They don't involve forethought and you can quickly absorb the delicious (in my case cinnamon) goodness that you desire without any effort involved. Except to purchase and open the packaging of course.

Well, people are becoming accustom to this Pop-Tart phenomenon within society. They're equating everything in their life with the same effort it takes to open a package of Pop-Tarts.

But how does this effect us? Well, employers have to enact more and more rules to make sure that employees are comfortable. That one is not doing more work than another. Government creates laws on top of laws until there are so many laws for Pop-Tarts to live amongst that they don't have to think anymore and the thinking is done for them.

Finally, education is simplified to learning of only texting, blogging, and other forms of online communication. Which is so helpful because we will need to communicate about all the things we're not creating while we are wasting our time communicating.

Heaven forbid Kellogg's forgets how to produce...Pop-Tarts.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Freedom of Bias vs. Freedom of Religion

Please read the link below. It is a story on whether a mosque should be built next to ground zero.

Personally, I think if we gave in to requests to not allow the mosque then we are generalizing that Muslims were to blame for 9/11 which is a falsity. I very much dislike this situation and feel the mosque should be built.

On the other hand. Should anyone that attends the mosque patronize those who are at ground zero to pay should be closed down. We must learn to live in a somewhat understanding world with freedom of relgion but not to the point that we distress a large populus.

Click here to read the article.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Easy Sociality

I used to be shy. Really, utterly, shy. I was afraid of what people would think of me. I wanted to be cool. I wanted to be accepted by some kind of social subset group of people that would wear neon bracelets and get backstage at MTV, or play lacrosse.

Then, at some point in college, I realized it didn't matter what you wanted to become. No one cares about what you want to become. They only care about who you are. Furthermore, once I stopped caring about how many friends I had, wanted, or needed...I flourished.

I love people. I love hearing their stories. I see the value in everyone. Perhaps that is how I went from having nothing to do on the weekends to literally always enjoying a new adventure with a new amigo. I stopped wishing my freckles would melt into a tan and started asking people questions about their lives. Occasionally I would toss in a witty joke or two. Finally, the stone to the soup of friendship...loyalty. Once you're my friend you will always be my friend unless you do something hedonistic to truly offend me.

Now don't get me wrong. This is not to say that I can be friends with everyone. I tend to steer clear of flakes (even though sometimes I fall into that category), and drug addicts. But for the most part I like you. I want to know about you. And if you meet me, my beginning remarks might even be the simple question: what's your story?

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Night Hours

The post below was originally written at night at a bus stop in Denver, CO in September 2009...

I am a night person. I workout at night. I hangout at night. I do most of my eating at night. I would venture to say that if I believed in reincarnation I was most likely a bat. Except I would've smelt much better.

I certainly think we are a night generation. Movies are held at night. There are nightclubs. And mothers say "night night" to their children. You never hear them say "morning morning". They must say night twice because it's more important.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Life Gives You Limes

It's been a while since I've posted about my life on here. Mostly because I was busy living it. If you're reading this then chances are you're doing either one of two things in your life...

1. Living it.

2. Eating snacks, watching re-runs of Saved by the Bell, and skimming my blog.

Either way, I'd like to touch upon a cool principle I stumbled across while trying to tread the waters of my life since I graduated college.


What's a goal? It's that net that Ghana scored in twice to win the World Cup, right? ...wrong. It's something you need to do in order to showcase your true abilities to yourself. And man, I have sure showcased. A year ago I was working about 40 hours a week in fast food. I had no car and I lived with my parents. I was overweight, underpaid, and frankly all my friends were out west and I was lonely. A reminder, that was one year ago. Over the course of the last year I worked my way up to a promotion at said job. Realized I didn't want to run a restaurant and found a fantastic desk job that I enjoy. I also got a part-time gig doing what I love which is television. Additionally, I lost 50 pounds and bought a shiny red car that I'm afraid to drive for fear that some redneck with spill their Budwiser on it.

You see, achieving your goals isn't rocket science. It's not even physical science, earth science, or any other science you didn't want to take in High School. It's just a mixture of faith, planning, and good hard work. I personally believe that the God I believe in had a very big impact. However, God doesn't help those who don't help themselves...unless of course they're helpless. So I ask that you discontinue your discourse of whining and get out there and work towards what you want. Then, when all is said and done, make sure you're very grateful for the accomplishments you've received.

And don't forget. We don't all want the same thing. So don't assume that Joe Bob on Sycamore Ave. took the last good job, car, house, or soulmate in the area. You still have a fighting chance, without even fighting.

Monday, May 31, 2010

Cash Money

All right youngsters. It's time to pay attention to your finances. But it isn't easy is it? It's so much easier to ignore the fact that you incurred debt.


Joe Bill-Collector finds you. And good ole' Joe won't back down. But how did you get yourself in this predicament? I'll tell you some sure fire ways to avoid Joe calling you at your work and threatening to kidnap your first born if you don't pay your credit card bill.

1. Don't get in debt. Just don't. Unless it's for something useful. What's a useful debt?

-Reasonable/useful automobile (not that new Audi you want)
-A house
-A college education

But be careful...there are traps in these debts mentioned above. Truly think about whether you can afford a car payment. Also, don't incur extra student debt unless you're planning on using if after college as a low interest loan to pay for a home. In which case, you probably don't want to tell your loan counselor that you really don't need $20,000 for college but only $2,000.

2. Stop eating fast food. It's SUCH a waste of money. And I'm of course a hypocrite on this subject. I signed up for a account and realized that in the month of May alone I spent $122.00 on fast food. That's ridiculous!

3. Avoid ATM Fees. I've also accrued $33.00 in those fees in the past five months.

4. Invest, but invest smart. I haven't yet walked down this path but I will soon enough. It's good to have a little money in the market and know how it works.

5. Finally, don't ignore what is going on with your finances. Don't intentionally not pay a bill. Work with the company to figure something out so you can INCREASE YOUR CREDIT!


Visit for some good ideas on how to manage your finances and see trends in your spending.

Good luck!

Sunday, May 16, 2010


Okay. This is probably going to be the post I'm most proud of. I've successfully quit drinking caffeinated soda. I was addicted to Diet Coke. If you look back you will even see a post in which I talk about how caffeine is taking over society and how I can't live without Diet Coke.

It was true. My morning would start with a 32oz Diet Pepsi. If it was a really long day I would reach for a "Venom" which is a low carb energy drink. Energy drinks are also extremely bad for you. I would/have used these drinks to get me through all nighters in college and 60+ hour work weeks.

What have I learned since I quit the habit?'s a habit for sure. Two, you don't know how your body actually feels if you're sedated with caffeine. One of the active ingredients in Exedrin is caffeine. It helps in lessening the amount of pain you feel because it spikes your energy levels. Beyond that, diet drinks can also mess with your metabolism and make you feel more hungry than you really are.

Regardless of all the articles and voicing of Oprah, I feel better. But please don't do it cold turkey. You will have the most unimaginable headache in your life if you just simply quit caffeine. Ween your way off of it. Drink more water and eat more vegetables to outweigh the affects of a caffeine free lifestyle.

Good luck!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Zombie City

Have you walked by someone laying dead in the street today? Probably not. But there were more than a handful that did. If you haven't heard this story in the news then please visit this link...

I must say I am truly disturbed by this sad story. Now, I'm sure so many who hear this story are also upset, think it's wrong, wish they could've helped, etc...

But why did it happen? Anderson Cooper 360 claims that people didn't want to help because they didn't want to be the only one to help. That they would possibly stand out if they helped. I believe that's very possible. However, in my opinion, it's much deeper than "bystander syndrome".

I lived in New York City. It's a beautiful place. It's rich in culture, art, music, great food, architecture, and many other fabulous tourist worthy attributes. However, the people that live there permanently aren't the best thing about The Big Apple. Now if you're reading this and you're from NYC, I apologize. And perhaps I'm talking about those that have transplanted to the city. Anyhow, what I noticed while living there is that people aren't personable there. You don't look at other people on the subway. You don't hold doors for people. You don't ever have a public conversation with anyone who is a stranger. Typically you're there to excel at some career. Because you're driven enough to move to NYC you might tend to be a bit selfish and possibly cold.

I am not a cold person, but NYC didn't make me more outgoing. If anything I left more introspective and quiet. I feel that because of this self absorbed, self driven, fiercely introspective attitude...people don't pay attention to one another. Yes, they donate to good causes. They get out there and run the NYC marathon so they can raise money for charity. But do they ever look into the eyes of someone they don't know and ask if they can help them with anything? Do they ever help the young man who has dropped his groceries in the grimy puddle on 14th Street? Do they call the police when a man lay dying?

Probably not.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Salad Boy

If you're single then chances are you've used nicknames. No, I'm not talking about the whimsical names you give your friends you've known for years. Not names like "bop it" because at your 16th birthday party your best friend walked into a tree. The names I'm talking about are nicknames you give those crushes that you hope will work out, but often never do.

Some of the names I've had in the past include "sweater boy", "piano man", "bouncer", "sports guy", and most recently "salad boy". Why do we use these nicknames? Usually because unless your crush has a defining characteristic, your friends don't care enough to keep the men you talk about inside their already cluttered mind. Heck, they have their own romances to be worrying about. So...we nickname them.

But what, might you ask, is the story behind "salad boy"? Why call him that? Because..."salad boy" represents a growing trend among men. A sad trend. And the by product of a lost art. This lost art is chivalry. The reason this man is called "salad boy" is because he went on a (non defined but quite obvious) double date with me and my roommate and her boyfriend and he didn't pay for my $7.00 salad.

Whoa. Don't freak out now. It's not that I can't afford a $7.00 salad. In fact, I can afford a few salads. I try to budget my money quite well. It's "salad boy" saying things like "man, your salad was $7.00" that really burns my butter. Then hitting on me and expecting that I will reciprocate the feeling when you don't want to show you care enough to purchase a cheap, and very tasteless, salad.

To end the fantastic evening, "salad boy" doesn't walk me to my car. So, I put "salad boy" aside. Why? Why not give salad boy a chance? Because women deserve better. Women should NOT let men get away with treating them poorly. Men need to man up and learn how to be the men they use to be.

How? Open doors. Ask women on real dates instead of "hanging out". Ask women out the beginning of the week for a date that is later in the week. Send them a thoughtful message once and a while. Don't argue over petty things. Pay for things (but don't expect to pay for everything all the time. If a woman bleeds you dry then don't date her. Good women will offer to pay). But also know that good women will NEVER offer to pay on the 1st date. That means they're either pushovers, too "strong" of a woman, or don't like you romantically.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Bored Easy?

I have found that everyone, no matter who you are, will get bored with something easy. We are cyclical creatures that can't go on doing the mundane for too long.

You might think you're doing the same things everyday...but you're not. Something is always developing. Either you're doing better at your job. Or, your personal relationships are progressing. It's when you aren't changing in any point in your life that you should start to worry.

I heard once that it's good to always be learning. Apparently if you stop learning then you're not continuing to exercise your brain and thus are more apt to get mentally "mushy" as you get older.

On that note...


I am sick of what they're doing to society. It saddens me to see the goons that continually walk though the mall without a sense of perspective or priorities. They lost their true physical appearance and the worst of them somehow garnered a child in the process. A child they can barely take care of and one who will grow up thinking addiction is normal.

Who is going to stop this problem?

I'm glad that our government is trying to do something about healthcare. I'm glad that children are now given breakfast in elementary school, and more reality shows are geared towards physical fitness.

But let's make a better change.

Start telling youth that it's NOT okay to do drugs or get addicted.

Otherwise you'll end up like the man with the sunken eyes who can't decide if he wants a taco or a burrito.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Kids Are Fat Without A "PH"

I recently read an article about Michelle Obama and how she discovered her daughter was considered "overweight".

Ok, no it may not have been the brightest idea to publicize what her doctor said about her daughter. On the contrary, parents need to stop force feeding chemical ridden-sugar surged-genetically modified-starchy-salty-junk to their children.

Maury Povich should never be able to find that many fat babies in this nation. Good for Michelle Obama for finally telling parents the cold hard news. No you shouldn't feed your child soda, Mcdonalds, or doughnuts on a regular basis. How can you ever justify giving your six year old a burger with more than one patty?

Children are growing beings. They need nutritional food. Furthermore, agriculture in the U.S. has geared itself towards producing this awful food so parents are not only uninformed but can't afford good food once they know what to purchase.

So send your children OUTSIDE to play. Give them an apple instead of a bag of chips. Don't assume just because it says "Whole Grain" on the box of Fruit Loops that it's good for your child. And please become an example to your children by eating better yourself. They emulate you and your habits.

Below is the link to the article and a video of Michelle talking candidly about being the 1st Lady. I think she's doing a swell job so far despite what her husbands plate entails.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

GPS-Guiding Perfect Stupidity

I've decided that if you're purchasing a GPS during this current technological age, you're an idiot.

You're probably asking...why?

Well now you're a double idiot.

A run of the mill GPS system costs around $200.00. I found one that was upwards of $500.00

Are you kidding me? One of the specs on this overpriced talking junk actually read "built in GPS antenna". I sure hope there's some kind of built in antenna so some rude british woman can mock me as I turn right.

The biggest reason why you're not intelligent a person if you buy a GPS is because it's offered or "built in" to most cell phones.
And here's a kicker...if you buy an iPhone with a new plan you're only paying roughly $200.00. But instead of just having the coolest GPS (with a little blue dot that follows you as you drive), you also get a camera, phone, ipod, and other useful apps.

Oh, you're not an iPhone person? Ok. Chances are if you own a cell phone then you can have cheap/free GPS.

But by all means, please pay hundreds of dollars just so that brit can call you a wanker.

Saturday, January 30, 2010


So, the genius Gov. of Idaho has decided that it would be intelligent to get rid of PBS in Idaho. Right, let's remove something educational from a nation that is already failing at intelligence daily. Below is the link to the article. Below that is what I said in response online. I want to also thank Nate, the person who wrote this story, for letting the public know how truly greedy Gov. Otter is.

Enjoy the article!

-My Comment-

I can't believe Gov. Otter would even consider phasing out such an important part of local media.

There is a quality to public television that cannot be found in mainstream media. A quality of higher intellect and the rich art of well produced programming.

Public TV isn't cookie cutter nonsense media created purely for ratings and cash flow. PBS is a place where artisans of media can showcase their talent.

I watched public television as a child. My grandmother, my mother, and myself all watched the Lawrence Welk Show. My preface was to tune into Reading Rainbow rather than other popular cartoons. And as an aspiring reporter, I looked to Charlie Rose to teach me the art of a good interview.

Don't deprive the community of healthy programming geared towards an educated society.

Furthermore, local fundraising is a viable option for garnering money for the affiliates. Research VPT (Vermont Public Television) as a good model.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Diet Soda & Twitter

Over the course of the last year I have decreased my attention span to nothing. There was a time in which reading was a much loved past time. Now I only do it in airports. I've also become excessively addicted to diet soda.

All kinds of diet soda.

Diet Coke.

Diet Sprite.

Diet Dr. Pepper.

Diet Cherry Coke.

Diet cranberry seasonal Fresca.

And so on....

It takes until 1pm in the afternoon for the affine to kick in and by then I become wired until 2am at which point I go to bed and think about how I am supposed to start my diet day back up again.

I have become a zombie. Society is filled with living diet zombies. Living diet zombies who are addicted to things like Twitter.

Yep. I really like Twitter. I really do. Why? Because its minimal. It's controllable. You only have to see updates from the people you want to see them from. There are no games, gadgets, widgets, popups, pop-outs, popovers, scroll-overs, do-overs, friend requests, relationship (I don't care if you really don't love me you need to tell everyone you do anyways) requests.

Seriously. It's just quick and simple and available for those that have self-induced "CDHD".

What's CDHD you ask?

Caffeine Deficit Hyperactive Disorder

So, please stop depriving me of knowing your inner most thoughts. Sign up for Twitter and we can be "Tweeps".

Tuesday, January 5, 2010


Today one of my co-workers responded with the best quote I've ever heard at work.

Me: "why don't you go kill some time after work by checking out some books at Barnes and Noble or something?"

Employee: "the only books I read are comics and porn magazines"

My Boss: "those aren't even books..."

This man is a father.


I was recently talking with someone about how no one has manners anymore. Furthermore, many men don't practice chivalry either.

This then made me think about where and how we lost the art of manners. I watched a news show recently which talked about eating disorders in Fiji. Apparently as soon as TV was introduced to Fiji anorexia skyrocketed from .1% to 11% (or something close to those numbers).

So is it possible that TV and the media are to blame?

I say no. Why don't I blame the media? Because I am a soul media fiend. I had a TV in my room most of my young life. Granted...I didn't have MTV until I was 12, but still...TV didn't teach me manners nor did it "un"-teach me manners.

My parents taught me manners. My mother really. And she would remind me constantly until it was instilled in my head that certain things you just don't do in public.

So...if you meet me, here are some things that I find annoying due to lack of manners.

Burping in public without saying excuse me.

Coughing in my face without covering your mouth.

Talking with your mouth full ( ;-p )

Walking into someone's house and acting as though it's yours when you're not particularly good friends.

Insulting yourself after someone had complimented you. (This isn't a big one but you should care enough about yourself to accept the compliment).

And the list does go on but I'll leave that to your parents to teach you.

Also, I really like pie.

The end.