Friday, June 26, 2009

R.I.P My Money

I was wondering if any of you remembered that dude who went to court for lewd acts against young boys. He was also in excessive debt and changed his face because he was really self absorbed and thought that it would be good to look like a pre-pubescent woman?

Oh yea. All of you remember. CNN remembers. Fox News remembers. TMZ really remembers. All local newspapers remember. All local TV networks remember. All reporters remember to run to all the local record stores and interview all the hippie employees that work in the record stores and who aren't old enough to even remember this strange man who would climb up trees and avoid the public eye while doing everything to get the public eye directly involved in his life. In fact I think he even tried to purchase the public eye from Sotheby's but it wasn't on sale. He was going to place the "public eye" in his ranch.

Well anyhow, that's going to be old news soon. What will hopefully hit the news soon are the things that are going on in the world. Pay attention to your paychecks. They're going to get a bit smaller. The positive side is that you might be able to breathe better in America. But probably not. Mostly because our pollution is circulated towards another country and thanks to the earth moving we get some other countries pollution. So in doesn't really matter what we do to lower our own pollution. We're just helping someone else.

Oh and foreign oil. Have we tried looking for some on the vast amounts of land we own? I heard South Dakota doesn't have a national park. I think they should find oil in their state and then declare it a national park. Just so I can pay more money.

Just some thoughts.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Tweet Impatience

Have you been tweeting? Surely you've heard of blogging since you're here. You probably heard of blogging from Facebooking. If you don't have a Facebook you're not an integral part of society. If you do than you're better than those who have Myspace, right?

How dare you forget to RSVP to that event. I have also been following your tweets and noticed that you might be near me in real life sometime this week.

After I learned this I proceeded to use an "app" from iTunes on my iPod Touch to follow you down the road. When I saw you in that mass produced coffee lounge I took a photo of you on my overpriced 45 pixel camera phone. Thankfully you didn't see me so I didn't have to add you as a friend on one of my ten social networking sites. I waved and proceeded to search for a port in another mass produced coffee house to upload that photo of you that you didn't know I took of you so that all your friends could see that I have a photo of you which in theory would mean that we were friends even though we weren't and I must misuse my privilege of technology in society.


Ok. Back to reality. I'm not quite sure what is happening to communication and civil decency but it's decaying at a rapid rate. The news is only news for ten minutes before it's old. Unless, of course, it's Britney Spears...then it'll run for a couple days.

I've also noticed that people are increasingly more impatient. Nightline even discussed a study that said that more Americans survived the Titanic because they refused to be polite and wait in line for the life boats.

I hate to break it to you America...but the line for fast food is not going to save your life. If it's not your turn to place your order then you must wait. Also, the longer you wait the less calories you'll be consuming. But of course you're not concerned with that because you'll be drinking Diet soda and that solves all of life's woes.


And finally, on a lighter note. I cracked my iPod Touch today...but I still had a great day. I didn't let one bad moment ruin the rest of my day. I dropped the iPod in the morning, shrugged it off, and went about my life. What would be the point in dwelling on it? Take it from me, spend your time producing joy rather than clinging on misery. It will lower your cholesterol better than Cheerios.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Pillow Fight

I bet you were hoping a funny video came with this post. Wrong. But I commend you for your effort!

The above photo is something I've found fascinating within the most fascinating website to hit the web since the new millennium. The "requests" that I get on Facebook are so beyond the ideal of human behavior.

Don't you have ANYTHING constructive to do on the internet besides throwing sheep at me? I'm sorry if I don't want to become a member of your mafia, pirate, count chocola brigade. I'm also sorry I let your digital tulips die. It's just that they require much more sunlight and water then any regular plant I've ever had in existence.

And please don't be offended if I don't join your "Cause". I just don't think that saving newts in the arctic is my supreme calling in life.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

American Priorities

I've come to realize recently that we have, as Americans, set our priorities in the wrong places.

The other night I was in the mood to watch a chick flick. Why do women do this to themselves? I decided that instead of feeding the unrealistic expectations of love I would rent an honest chick flick. Yes, I know my effort was in vain and a bit diluted.

I wandered over to the "New Releases" section of the store. I also think "New Release" movies are a bogus concept. The sign should probably read "These movies will be here for the next 15 years but if you'd like to pay more to watch it now then we'd be more than happy to take your money"

Anyhow, I succumbed to the stupidity of the new release and found myself standing in front of a wall of empty cases for the film "He's Just Not That Into You". There was one left. Fate perhaps. But while I was there I scanned the other rows of DVD's to see what else was in such high demand. Nothing. This film had been rented more than any other film.

What is happening with men, women, relationships, and their notions of what's correct? I can only believe that so many of these films were rented because too many women either can't take a hint and need to learn how, or, they're just depressed on a rainy day. I guess I'll assume the latter.

The second thing that I've found troubling is the fact that I've received more compliments on my weight loss than on finishing my college education. I didn't know it was harder to put down a Ho-Ho than it is to take six final exams in four days.