Friday, November 27, 2009

Did you learn the hard way?

Why must we grow up? Think about how great things were when we were young. We could poop anywhere. Literally, we had portable soft plush synthetic pottys with us all the time. We were also able to eat all the time. And take naps.

But eventually a teenager in a diaper eating creamy spinach looks a bit strange.

So we take the SAT's. We attempt to stay in the right lane. We learn that putting chemicals under your arms on a daily basis will allow you to continue to have friends. And some of us even get our first job picking up someone's dirty fork or asking them if they would like to upsize their Diet Coke with their large fries and triple artery clogging patty melt.

But it isn't enough. We get to a point where we realize that patty melts won't get us the things that mainstream media dreams of in life. Namely an SUV. So we go to a larger version of the institution that taught us how to count those dirty forks. We shell out tens of thousands of hard earned cash so that we can someday sit in a leather chair and have an intern who also one day dreams of his own leather chair.

Finally, we get the leather chair. The fake nails, fake hair, fake hopes and real fears. So what did we do all this for?

The feeling of being accomplished. And so we could learn the hard way.

Yes, oh yes. Most of us will learn the hard way.

Some things I've recently learned the hard way...

1. Be aware of your credit. Know what it is. Know how to keep it in good standing.

2. Stay away from national banks. Go with local banks and credit unions.

3. All car salesman are liars and greedy. That is their job.

4. Too much caffeine isn't good for you. It messes with your sleeping habits and it's bad for your heart.

5. Value your friends and relationships. Buy some stamps and write letters instead of emails.

6. Prices will go up. Stop asking why something costs so much when you go out to eat. The price is posted for a reason.

7. Never do anything for free that you can get paid for.

8. Quality is better than quantity. That is why I own a MAC.

9. Swearing makes you sound stupid.

10. I must make preparations to have pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving or I will personally consume an entire pint of ice cream and half a pumpkin loaf.

"A muffin is a bald cupcake" -Jim Gaffigan

1 comment:

Neener54 said...

I disagree on the mac part. I mean, I really really disagree. Every mac I've ever messed with has been a crash prone nightmare. Safari is the least secure browser available. The hardware isn't particularly high quality, in fact you can buy the same hardware for half the price and install the mac os on it just fine (doing so however is against the terms of use of Mac OS). Don't get me started on the Mac os. If you want a good operating system I recommend ubuntu or Fedora 12. They are amazing. Mac OS is nice if you don't want any control. Remember, the idea behind that operating system is that the computer controls you. Not to mention that Apple, as a company, is one of the biggest monopolies in the market (something that's starting to come under legal scrutiny). And their business model is 10 times worse than Microsoft's which is saying something. And with the launch of Windows 7 (which has actually convinced me to stop using linux for the time being) there's no added benefit to the graphic niceties that OSX offers over Windows 7. And let's not even get into datalink layer of network protocols that macs use. Appletalk is a pain in the butt protocol.