Thursday, May 21, 2009


Thanks to the 21st century there have been new developments in conversation.

One of these new developments is texting. No one really talks on the phone anymore. What's the point? You could do so much more during a text conversation then you could on the phone.

For example, on the phone you're not able to use the bathroom. Or do anything else that may be deemed foul background noise.

You also can't do other things on the phone. Things like making a quilt, seeding a garden, writing a novel, darning socks, teaching English as a second language, searching the night sky for UFO's, fulfilling your Phoenix online masters degree. Ya know, those things that every normal person does in their free time.

The only unfortunate problem with texting is "Textiquette". The understanding of how to have a proper texting conversation. There are some things you need to remember when holding a lengthy discussion with text messages.

1. The other person needs to understand the acronyms you're using. Things like LOL and ROFL or BRB are common place. Things like WHDELYABYFN which stand for "whatever, he doesn't even like you anymore because you're fat now" or WDWLMWRHLAPF "why don't women like men with receding hair lines and pet ferrets" are not acceptable acronyms.

2. Texting too fast. Just because they call you lightning in homeroom doesn't mean that grandma can keep up with your super human texty thumbs.

3. Don't leave the conversation hanging. I understand you can get side tracked. But did you die? Why can't you just answer my question? How do you expect me to speak to you in real life when you can't formulate a response? That's like going to a drive thru and never getting the food you ordered.

So there you go. Follow those three easy steps to texting and you're on your way to more great and meaningful relationships in your inbox.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Parody Songs

I love to write parody songs. I will probably write one soon and post it here. Until then, enjoy this wonderful parody not written by me but seriously amazing!

Also read this!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

My Kind of Eggs

Have you seen the movie Runaway Bride?

In this film Julia Roberts is put in front of many plates of eggs. She realizes that she has no idea what kind of eggs she likes.

I like my eggs sunny side up. I like to dip my toast in them. I don't like other types of eggs. I will eat other types if I'm hungry but I don't like them.

The moral of the eggs isn't really about eggs at all. It's about knowing who you really are. What would you do in a certain situation? What would you say? What do you really enjoy or love about life?

These last few months I've really been trying to get to know myself. What I really want. But now I think that you don't find out what you want until you're given what you don't want. Or, until you are truly and utterly bored with yourself or your circumstance.

Here's something I recently discovered about myself thanks to boredom and nightmares.

I don't like genetically modified food. I think it's nonsense. We had hundreds of varieties of apples in the 19th century. Now we have a handful. The earth was created to grow things. We don't need scientific lab oriented corn to eat. We need hard working men and women with little tact for the urban life but a great understanding of farming.

Also, scary films are not my forte. I recently watched some old scary Spielberg film. I had nightmares 2 days later. I will stick to chick flicks about teenage girls with eating disorders and attitudes bigger than the calories they consume.