Christmas 2011

So, I've decided to go back to my old Blogger template. I don't like the fresh art decco template I was using previously. Something about it is impersonal and screams literary snob.

I'd like to write about my Christmas. It was simply wonderful. I don't usually get too personal in my blog...so I won't. I'll recap on this holiday in broad terms and speak specifically about my gifts.

I received...

A. Space heater
B. Necklace

Okay...I won't list out all of my gifts. However, I'd like to say that this year was the best Christmas I've had in many years. I didn't have to finish finals and fly home. I had a boyfriend. Oh, I did not hate my job, or have to work in the mall, and had enough money to get something swell for most of the people I care about. Emphasis on "most". I'm no Rockefeller.

Some things I'd like to touch upon for the future...

1. Make a list of the gifts you're buying and who you're buying them for. This would've been really helpful.

2. Give others a list, or post something online. Don't let people go all hay wire on the gift giving unless you want footie PJ's of the adult variety. That being said...those people who gave me gifts without knowing what I wanted did an AMAZING job this year!

3. If you receive a gift...effing say THANK YOU! Doesn't matter if you're superior to that person in any way. A simple THANK YOU will mean quite a bit. Oh...yes...the phrase is THANK YOU! *This comment is not intended for any of my friends/roomie as they all did show ample gratitude for the items received*

4. Have some variety in your Christmas music selections. Might I suggest the Sister Hazel Christmas playlist on Pandora.com

5. Don't be like me and send a mass number of pre-designed Christmas cards with no special written message on them. As I received cards from my friends I felt like a scrooge for the card I sent them. For that I am sorry!!!! Also, I may have missed some of you as I created a FB event to send cards and if you didn't get your address to me on FB then you likely didn't get a card.

6. When will the entertainment industry come out with a Christmas movie that trumps National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation?

Happy New Year!

Blonde Technology

This photo is me. I am blonde. Do we have a bit of a reputation of being less than intelligent creatures? Yes. Now to my rant. Just because I am blonde does not mean that I am not understanding your technology properly.

I grew up with technology. My father and I even built a remote control car from scratch when I was a child. I picked up my first video camera before the age of 12, and have been what you would call "tech savvy" for most of my youth and adult life. I am not the one that can program your software, nor can I re-build your computer, however, I do expect to be taken seriously when I say a piece of software is NOT working properly.

Time and time again, if I mention to a male counterpart that something is broken...they look at me as if I'm just being a "dumb blonde" and rarely take me seriously. It isn't until the third time when it really isn't working that they finally believe me and fix said issue. This has happened to me in every job I've worked in.

You think I don't know how to Google a term to understand what you're talking about? I don't let technology take me over. We're supposed to be in control, not the other way around. If it doesn't work...I want it fixed. Otherwise, what is the point in using that program or equipment to begin with? Some could say the same about our government...but that's another post topic for a future time. 

How exactly are we occupying Vermont?

I've tried to ignore this movement. I've tried to move on with my life as a part of the 99% and not make a stink, or even make a point of trying to understand what I thought were the intricate details of this large and vast movement throughout the United States.

Now I'm annoyed. I was flipping through the channels on my basic digital cable and saw that one of the local government channels was airing a meeting from the Occupy Vermont movement from November 12th, just after one of the Occupy Vermont protesters committed suicide in Burlington's City Hall Park.

I was intrigued and began watching. Now let me be VERY clear. This post is not about what the "Occupy" movement is about, but rather how unbelievably disorganized and chaotic it has become.

The photo affixed to this post is of one of the moderators of this meeting. As you can see, he clearly believes that it's okay to make a physical public statement, nor does he feel proper grooming is necessary to be a productive member of society. He also really wants a hug. I kept watching and realized that there were a few other men that didn't feel shaving was a standard in society.

Grooming isn't my real concern however, the blatant redundant conversation and disorganization of their discussion was nonsense. The use of phrases and words like "friendly amendment" "resolution" "proposal" "clarifying question" along with different hand gestures to clarify statements created a room full of chaotic over-discussion and lack of real understanding among the parties involved.

After watching for about an hour, it seemed the only "resolution" they had made was to understand what the police were actually doing to the crime scene at City Hall Park, and where to move their tents. I realized that if our American government went to this form of policy creation...nothing would get accomplished. I've decided to give our Occupy Vermonter's a couple of tips.

1. Take a shower, shave, and match your clothes. Some of you look normal and thus will carry more weight among other constituents that don't understand your viewpoints. BUT if you look like a schizophrenic blues musician you're more unlikely to garner a response from the working class...AND the 1% whom you really need to convince.

2. Make a printed agenda beforehand. Give people the opportunity to submit their topic ideas, give them the option to vote online even, but have your plan ready ahead of time before you meet. This will reduce the time you spend simply voting on why you've even shown up to the meeting.

3. Write a bill. I still have no idea specifically what you want except more money. However, that surprises me considering most of the people protesting look like they wouldn't know what to do with money even if they had any!

4. Gather in places that make sense. Go to the media outlets and make clear and defined statements, plant yourself for the afternoon outside city offices, or companies that have been embezzling money.

5. Use your age gap. During this occupy airing I viewed, the only people speaking were young college aged individuals. Perhaps you should appeal to all age groups? I don't hear occupiers talking a lot about retirement, pensions, and home buyers. If you want to fulfill the American dream...you need to appeal to all demographics.

6. Finally, what is wrong with the terms that have already been coined in our government? Why is the word amendment cruel? Why does it now have to be called a "friendly amendment"? Was it previously unfriendly? From what I learned in school, many of our amendments to the constitution gave more freedom to the American people. I don't think that is very unfriendly.

That is my two and a half cents. Please comment. 

So Many Options

Something has been weighing on me quite a bit recently. OPTIONS.

Why do we need so many? I don't like making poor choices. I'm pretty calculated in everything I do. Even things that don't seem to be calculated...are. For example: I am most aware that if I bring cookies to the employees at the UPS Store in Middlebury for Christmas that they will give me more free stuff for the company. Or, they'll go above and beyond their call of duty as "print coordinator extraordinaires" (seriously...that's what their name tags say) to carry out some outlandish project I need completed because I'm too lazy to sit at a paper cutter for two hours.

So, I like to manipulate people, it's no different than the JC Penny's sales women who tells you that you'll save 10% if you open a store credit card, only to find out they will molest you in APR rates for the next 7-10 years.

But the choices that bother me are the choices that are just unnecessary. Choices like fruity toothpaste. Do you think I bite into a pomegranate and say to myself..."Gee I wish they'd mix this with mint and synthetic chemicals so I could lather my teeth with it". No, it's more like "UGH, I got another seed on my top. Why is it weird for adults to wear bibs in public?!".

Or what about suntan lotion. Is there really a difference between SPF 70 and SPF 90. If you're Irish you're going to look like a lobster no matter what you do. Also, once you've already been tanning for 27 years don't expect that bottle with the little girl baby bottom being attacked by a dog to protect you from skin cancer (see above photo for reference).

What are some choices that anger you? 

One Month Re-cap: The McDonalds Monster, or is it?

Well, my last post was about how I was going to go one month without eating McDonalds...and I did. Did I lose weight, no. I actually gained weight. Do I feel better? Yes, I don't crash as much during the afternoon. Did I save money? NO! I spent it buying food at other places.

What I did learn about myself and food in the last month is that I do enjoy cooking, and I'm good at it. I also need to eat healthier food that isn't processed by midgets in Jersey and infused with 10,000 chemicals I can't pronounce.

Interested in what I'm talking about? Watch this film: http://www.foodmatters.tv/

McDonalds Fasting

Well, McDonalds will hate me for posting this. Oh well. I've had enough. Today I cleaned out my car and to my disgust there were far too many McDonalds bags than I thought I had accumulated. So, as tomorrow is the beginning of the month, and my birthday, I think it's time at age 26 that I really take control of my health...and kiss the golden arches goodbye.

So you're aware, I can't do this alone. I've hired a team of consultants to ride in my car each time I pass said fast coronary establishment. These consultants will be taking my pulse, just to make sure I'm not having too severe a withdrawal. I paid them extra to slap me in the face each time I start humming "I'm lovin it'".

No, I won't be eating a surplus of tofu. You hippies can stand down. I don't want your hemp burgers. My desire is just to cut this one unhealthy tie to the underworld of food. Eventually I can remove others...but right now...we are at war Mr. Dollar Menu.

Should anyone feel the need to join me on this adventure, do so in the month of October. Post your findings below. I bet your findings will include: more money, less asphyxiation after eating, and joy.

Dating in Fiscal 2011'

I've come to realize that we as a North American dating race are picky and desperate at the same time. It's really quite fantastic. I enjoy dating, and I think it's fun to meet new people. I also enjoy biscuits and gravy, rock concerts, and Diet Coke. But I guess I can't marry biscuits.

Anyhow, the Onion summed it up this week...

Black Liquid Bliss

A while back I wrote a post about pudding. This time I'd like to write a post about Diet Coke, or Coke Zero.

I've recently discovered Coke Zero and am currently on a 'high', but I was a bit disturbed as I looked at the can. The can is black. I personally think this might be a poor marketing choice. Why the black can? My relevant memory goes to the concept that they were marketing towards men because women were the primary drinkers of Diet Coke.

So black is manly? I don't see many men drinking other black drinks. OJ is usually orange, and beer is often the color of urine, or tree bark.

I thought a little more about this can. I thought about the chemicals I was consuming in my body. I began to associate the color of the can with the chemicals I was putting in my body. My body began to associate the chemicals with the color black. It was really kind of a euphorically intense thought process.

My final thought lead me to believe that if I drank Coke Zero I would become an unhealthy man.


...I still haven't finished this can.

Passive Aggressive

pas·sive-ag·gres·sive

Adjective: Of or denoting a type of behavior or personality characterized by indirect resistance to the demands of others and an avoidance of direct confrontation, as in procrastinating, pouting, or misplacing important materials.

I would like to focus this post on the Passive Aggressive. Honestly, you people make me want to punch you in the solar plexus.  Not that I would ever actually determine the direct location of someones solar plexus and bunch them, but seriously, you really anger me.

Now I mean 'you' in a general and plural form. Passive aggressive behavior is not intelligent. You are not being 'patient' or 'kind' by being passive aggressive. You are wasting my TIME! What are some examples of passive aggressive you might ask?

Consider the following...

Blank stares without actually processing what the other person is saying, then immediately following their thought with your own two cents. Which turns out to be about $10 of conversation that is pointless.

Responding to an email and copying everyone and their mothers sisters daddies cousin.

That painful constipated expression you give when you know there is something that should be said but you do not want to say it.

Leaving sticky notes on food inside a fridge (literally happened to my friend)

Out doing someone in their job, leadership position, etc...even if it's not your place to be involved.


Now there are so many other ways in which people act out their passive aggressive tendencies. I just ask that you be honest, direct, and specific. Pull off the band-aid, for heavens sakes...my band-aid doesn't have care bears on it. 

How I feel About Rednecks

Social Networks Rot My Brain

Created by Oatmeal


So I took this quiz off of the funniest site I've found in years www.theoatmeal.com and by golly I feel like a loser. Worst of all I now have Google+ for which I will then utilize as my new social drug of choice.

One would say...Christal, this isn't healthy. However, I have found so many advantages to social networking. Let's discuss...

1. It helps me wake up in the morning. When I open my eyes and check the phone for the time I am also able to immediately check to see who's commented on that photo of food I posted exactly 7 hours prior.

3. Personal planner. Hey, when did I do that thing that I had to remember? According to my FB status it was 14 hours ago.

4. Family liason. I should communicate with my family more..."Dad, nice photo of your garden".

6. Telephone book. Hrrrmp, how am I going to get a hold of that perfect stranger I need to text right now. Oh, they were dumb enough to post their digits on FB...i'll sync them to my phone.

7. Resume.  Gee, this perspective employer is going to FB stalk me. I better post only pretty headshots and add jobs like "Administrative Toilet Brushing Supervisor"

8. Yearbook. All girls you ever wanted to get fat...did.

Camping

Who, after discovering they could build a house, decided it would be a good idea to put people back outside in the dirt on blankets inside giant nylon bags? To what am I referring?

...camping.

I like camping. I do. I like the fresh air, fires, outdoor activities, and ample sun. But there are some things about camping that make all those wonderful experiences seem like the perks to the products you by on an infomercial.

Drawbacks...

You might find yourself listening to a rabid racoon about to naw on your tent. That is until someone decides to wake up and chase it with the knife they most likely made in Boy Scouts.

Other drawbacks to camping include but are not limited to: eating rotten food because you didn't purchase enough ice for your cooler, swollen ankles due to mosquito bites, weight gain from s'mores, discovering that the word "s'mores" is utter nonsense, dealing with the elderly who spend all summer at the campsite, dirty feet, and hating the people you're with simply because you cannot stand to hear the same voice 24/7 through nylon or otherwise.

But yes, I love camping. I'll do it again. Then I'll recouperate and think of all the awkward moments shared with those who where so awfully too close to me for the short period of time I slept in that nylon bag.

Epic Company Email Fail

...I haven't even purchased anything from this company yet. TMI? I think yes...

Click on the photo to enlarge...

Selfish McSnarky Pants

So today I realized that I had left my keys at a local restaurant. It's horrible knowing that you can't get into anything. It's like when you go to the White House for a tour and you know you can only stay on that predetermined route with carpet and red ropes; and all you want to do is run off the path and find the president. Yeah...that kind of feeling.

Well, anyhow. It affected me probably more than it should've. I was being a super selfish mcsnarky pants and being whiny. I've noticed that I've been that way a lot lately. So...I'm going to list here the good things in my life. I hope you also have good thing in your life too, or you can at least find the good in what you have. If not, perhaps you should reevaluate. Life could always be worse. You could be dead. And who wants that? I mean is there fountain Diet Coke in heaven? I'll delay that progression so I can be on earth for longer, because gosh darn it I love my fountain Diet Coke.

So here are the things I like about my life. Call them blessings, positives, fortunes, whatever you want to call them. They make me happy so I'm going to list them to feel even better! ... Oh THESE ARE IN NO CERTAIN ORDER. So don't kill me if I put marriage after Mcgriddles.

=Spell check
-Kittens
-The smell in Vermont after it rains
-Shoes
-Family
-Blogging
-The ability to have faith in a religion and the freedom to practice it
-Good friends
-Good roommates
-Clementines
-My roomies cat who is super cute and nice
-Having a car
-My job
-Jeans that make my bum look good
-Guy friends I can just do nothing with
-Girl friends I can talk to about the guys I do more than nothing with ;)
-Food
-Graduating college
-Living in a safe community
-Losing 60lbs
-Being healthy and having the ability to walk, talk, see, and hear
-All the things I've learned from all the jobs I've had
-The ability to talk to anyone without fear of judgement
-The ability to forgive no matter what
-Belief in God and what he's done for me so many times
-Diet Coke
-Knowing talented people and learning from them
-Humor
-All the men I've dated and what I've learned from those experiences
-Cupcakes
-Knowing how to sing and doing it pretty well
-Gospel choirs - and the fact that they accepted this white girl into their choir
-Dance
-Warm weather
-The smell of wood stoves in the fall filing the air outside
-Learning quickly and adapting quickly in most situations
-A comfortable bed and quiet place to sleep
-Finding nice clothes for cheap! I hate spending too much money on clothes. They're all made by the same people overseas. Reduce and reuse!
-The ability to be thrifty when I need to, and enjoying it
-Having traveled all over the U.S. and all the people I've met
-My childhood which was seemingly not good but the experiences made me stronger than I'll ever know
-The sound of rain on a warm summer night
-Sunsets over the lake
-PB & J
-The internet and it being free from regulation
-The two rings I wear, especially the one from my parents.
-Living on my own
-Good smelling candles
-All the AMAZING experiences I had in college and over the last few years with people who have truly enriched my life more than they'll know

What makes you happy? What are you grateful for?

Ignorance Isn't Bliss

With age comes wisdom

BLAH BLAH BLAH

I'm going to take this concept a step back, and SCREAM at college students for just a moment. Are you about to go to college? Are you currently in college? Well you better know what the H-E-Double-Hockey-Bruins-Sticks you're doing there.

No, this post isn't about hockey, or the best teams in the NHL. It is about gaining enough knowledge for yourself in order to prevent you from working at Burger King as a "Shift Supervisor" and thinking you've gained some kind of status.

Today I finished two marketing pieces for my job. The work involved in creating these required me to design, proofread, draft, email, research, and understand the initial request given me. NEWSFLASH---this just in---I didn't major in advertising or graphic design in college. Nope, broadcasting.

But here's the glimmer of hope...I knew in college that I was going to need more than just the skills required to film a news story. So I took an advertising class, and thank heavens...also a course in graphic design. You bet your little orphan Annies bottom dollar it paid off.

You feel stupid? I'm not done. There are still millions of people out there who swear on their mothers grave they won't get Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and for some...a cell phone. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? It's like free marketing for yourself! I've been offered jobs more than once via Facebook and LinkedIn. In fact, I didn't even need to submit a paper resume for one employer, he just wanted to see my LinkedIn profile.

So I want you to go sit in the corner and think about what you've done, or haven't done. Oh and one other thing, the next time you ask me a stupid question I'm going to tell you to use Google.

Lady Men

I'm a bit concerned as of late the state of men in society. Namely, where are they? Ouch Christal, that's harsh!

...too bad Mr.! I've noticed that society is now producing what I like to call "Fem-e-Men" or FEM for short. What are FEMs? Pretty much any dude who has lost the will to act like a man. And who do I blame for FEMs?

Women.

Yes, that's right, you thought you would get some kind of feminine kick out of reading this post didn't you? Well it's your fault that men act like women. We've dumped so much of our lady chemicals all over society that it's ruining MAN-kind. We even created a new chemical called "testrigyn"...yea, I made that up too.

So what is a FEM? Simply put, any man that's put aside most traditional values to live a life devoid of women, power, and esteem. Do I want to see more pride soaked Donald Trumps in the world? Heavens no! But something has to be done about these sissy men.

So how do you break free of being a FEM?

1. Don't be afraid to ask women out, all kinds of women, and yes...if you can, pay for dinner! Otherwise be creative and do something cheap but fun.

2. Stop thinking you're a loser. No man is a loser. No one is a loser period. But men can easily break free of loserdom by just thinking they're not one. Esteem is hott.

3. For the love of all that is good in the world...get a job! So you want to be an artist? Do it on the side. Sorry buddy, but men need jobs. And one job leads to a better job, etc.

4. When a lady enters the room, offer her your chair. Don't sit on the couch like the lazy FEM you are and make her feel worthless because she has to squat on the ground like a dude.

5. Finally, don't wear women's pants. Just don't. Only on special occasions like concerts? Nope, not even then.

Ladies, you won't know you're surrounded by FEMs until you meet some good men. When you do, this post will really enlighten you! But I ask that you stop treating men like your equals to the point that they're afraid to speak to you.  

Things I've Learned...

So I'm about to start yet another new job. As I was driving back from replacing the recalled steering column in my Cobalt I was thinking about the things I wish I knew beforehand, and the things I've learned from my jobs, education, parents, strangers with money.

So here are some things I've learned from the places I've been and such.

Working in Fast Food

People will treat you like the gum on the bottom of their shoes when they are ordering. It doesn't matter, you will get out of that job eventually. Also, these jobs can pay more than office jobs. So, potentially it's your pride or your wallet which are the key factors.

Also, don't offer a Muslim a beef taco...it doesn't go over well.

Putting Together Concerts & Events in College

"The hardest thing you'll have to deal with as a leader isn't the job itself, it's the people." -Kris Powell

This is true, and people in bands can be snobs...but don't forget, they're talented, and often worked very hard to master this talent.

Working for a Printer Company

Don't pick up a box of toner and hold it over your new tan khakis. The toner could potential spill onto your clothing.

There is politics in ALL business, and business in ALL politics.

I can't keep food at my desk or I will eat it.

Don't ever think you don't have potential and don't let others dictate how you should feel. It's good to have evidence for your actions, but don't dwell on past experiences.

Charitable work is important and can make you feel good.

There are great people among you.

Working in TV News

Anchors are people who work jobs. Being in the entertainment industry is still work. It can be very stressful and for many it doesn't pay crap. Have some respect for these people, but don't fear them. They're just like you. The only difference is they don't break into hives when speaking in front of people.  

TV journalists work harder than print journalists (if they're good reporters). Sorry, it's true. Not only do they have to write the story...they have to film it, edit it, voice it, and look good doing it. They sacrifice their personal liberty far beyond any print journalist could.

Look where you're going with auto cameras or you may almost injure the 1st female governor of your state.


Teaching Religious Classes

People cling to basic concepts. Doctrine deep individuals you need  pay no mind to if they're simply flaunting their intelligence. Heck, pay no mind to anyone who flaunts their intelligence. That's called pride...and pride is stupid.

Working with Youth

They're mini adults, they listen and see your example. They're not yet old enough to make strong decisions but have strong opinions. They will absorb your ideals as a parent or a mentor so proceed with caution.

Having a Mentally Ill Mother

Don't judge people with disabilities. If you do, you are a douche. Some things are beyond our control, love can conquer even the worst circumstances.

Friends

Enjoy experiences, be kind, be giving, remember birthdays, send cards, don't share your drinks unless you want to get sick, always ask their opinion when shopping for shoes, their habits don't have to be your habits, send letters, travel to see them, don't judge them ever.

Image of our Nation

After the announcement that Osama Bin Ladin had been captured and killed. NYC

Okay, my blog posts are usually upbeat with a snarky twist. This one probably will be too...but I have to write about our current events. And the photo in this post. I stole this photo from www.cnn.com. It was given to them by Getty Images to be exact.

I want to pose a question with this photo: how many soldiers do you know that dress like this in their uniform? Isn't it a requirement that you be clean shaven in order to wear your camouflage/ACU?

Taking the issue even further. Did this kid realize he was representing his country when he put on this garment? I think perhaps he did. So I guess we're all hippies. I suppose I'm a bit extreme in my feelings about this photograph but it's unsettling, and I doubt I'm the only individual who feels this way. If the men at my private college had to trim their sideburns to take a test...this dude needs a hair cut.

Horn

I like to use the horn when I drive. I see no problem with it. I guess in Vermont the horn isn't used quite as much as other states. Why not? It's a vary valuable tool! Take for example the "tools" that roam around Burlington.

I take particular joy in scaring the pee out of a drunken college student trying to jay walk on Main St. (busy street) at night. Especially the ones dressed all in the black so you don't see them until they're in sight of your headlights.

Some say I'm rude, but I think I'm teaching them a lesson. When you walk when you're not supposed to, or cut me off, you should be reprimanded. Because you remember it. And if you remember it, you're likely to NOT make the same mistake again. Unless of course you're an idiot. The type of person who takes great pleasure in watching your recorded VHS tape of the cops chasing OJ's Ford Bronco over and over again. In that case I should probably just run you over.

Cupcakes

Cupcakes by Terri Wimble/Photo by Christal Collette

I will not lie when I say I have no self control over cupcakes. Who invented this joy in a paper wrapper? Actually you can click here to find out.

Anyhow, a co-workers wife has decided she wants to open a cupcake shop. Good for her! BAD for me. These delightful little creatures have showed up near my desk 3 TIMES in the past month or so. And they're amazing. She's made cherry, strawberry, mint, and today chocolate. 

So this is my call to cupcakes! If you're having a rough day, long week, horrible existence...try a cupcake! It's certain to brighten your spirits, and increase your sugar levels.

HAPPY MONDAY! 

Secret Lives

 

I think everyone more or less has some kind of secret life. With the advent of technology this is made pretty simple. It used to be that there were pen names. These were names that writers used to protect their identity. Oftentimes when they realized they could actually make a living they revealed their pen names.

My pen name would probably be Frisky McGriddles. Look for it on shelves in 2013...

So why the need for "secret identities"?

Simple. We are ALL weird. Every single last one of us. We all do weird things. Some people do more apparent weird things than others. I have to unplug many things before I leave the house. It's just something I do. Am I afraid of fire? Well yeah. But not all weird things stem from fears. Some people really really like the smell of goats, or making origami, or reading vampire fiction.

What are some of the weirdest things I've noticed about people? Most recently I found a photo on FB of someone posed behind a cardboard cutout of George W. Bush. But then I found it endearing. She likes George W. Bush enough to inform others...this is my cause that I am "literally" standing behind.

Granted, I'm not necessarily an aficionado of Mr. G-Dub-yah, but I respect what makes her happy. So I say embrace the weird in people. When they make strange comments...you can laugh, but laugh with joy. And remember, you ARE weird, dysfunctional, and somewhat awkward.

LOVE,

Frisky McGriddles 

The Popular Kid

If you're over the age of 19 then you probably don't care about being popular any longer. You're probably in college, or working, and just trying to figure yourself out. You most likely don't cry in your bed at night if you didn't get invited to "that party". Nor are you going to buy the best pair of Nike's so that one dude named Raul doesn't beat you up. Popularity is past you...right?

Wrong.

You still create "invites" and send them to particular individuals. When things happen, you discuss it, post it, splatter it on a ...wall. You "like" certain products, and heaven forbid someone likes you, you hope you both "like" the same things.

It isn't just social networking that has inflamed the desires of cliques among society. It's prevalent in in all aspects of life in the 21st Century. You can blame Snooki, Diet Coke, Calvin Klein, wait...

Marketing. Advertising. The people that know stuff. We must do whatever the people that know stuff are doing. Have you ever stopped to think who knows stuff? Let me open the door to their world. A person in marketing knows how to read people...they know what makes people jump and ask how high. But in the purest form, marketing is simple animal instinct. Whatever gets the person closer to a mate, food, safety, and heightened senses is what will drive that person to purchase, live in, or be involved in that "thing".

Um, I do remember someone once telling me in 2nd grade that I was a mammal. I guess they were right.

iPad or iBaby?

No, there is no new technology called the iBaby. However, I wouldn't be surprised if Apple released that in the next few years. Mostly, this post is about how…just like the iPad, babies are the new fad!

Fad? Who would have a baby just to be cool? The entire Midwest I say! Okay, perhaps that was an unnecessary dig on the Midwest. I mean there are a lot of good features about the Midwest…the arch, corn, tornadoes. But even the Midwest isn't the only region free of this epidemic.

No, I don't think having children is an epidemic like SARS. I do, however, think that the need to have a baby under the age of 18 is. What makes you think that because Sally Joe got knocked up that you will possibly enjoy a blissful motherhood if you do the same? I'll tell you who's given you that notion...it's mainstream TV, and the advent of said reality shows which I will not mention due to copy write infringement. But you know what I'm describing. In fact, in an interview on Nightline, one teen mom (the first televised one) admitted that her friends asked her if it would be easy to get on reality TV if they had a teen pregnancy as well.

This is infuriating to me. Did I mention I was infuriated? Well I AM! I don't care what kind of privileged home you hail from. You are not fit to raise a child if you’re under the age of 18. I don't care how rich, educated, or well mannered you are. This isn't Little House on the Prairie and we're not getting married at age 14, unless of course you're a polygamist in TX. In which case that's a whole other blog post that I can rant about.

So what do you do when you have this little creature? I suppose you'll have to live at home since it's hard to even find a livable wage these days. Oh, did you know they can puke on you? Well they can. And sometimes it's green. Are you prepared for that? Are you prepared for the green puke, green poop, and the green face you'll have when you realize the vile fluids you'll have to dispose of on a regular basis? Also, that baby won't stay a baby forever. Eventually it's going to grow up, go to college if it's intelligent enough, and it will bleed you dry financially.

Don't get me wrong. I'm pro-life. If you make a wrong choice on accident as a youth then I believe you should accept responsibility for that action and raise your child. But the teens that think it's "cool" to have a baby in high school are just plain stupid. Bottom of the barrel stupid. Parents please listen to your teens when they're talking. Make sure they aren't out to make such a rash decision. They probably won't realize the level of real rashes they'll have to deal with when they choose to be "preggers"

Gimmie Gimmie Want Want

I'm pretty sure if you wanted to buy a house, car, groceries, furniture, business, plastic surgery, and spouse in one day you could do it online. Perhaps even in half a day?

Our perception of reality in society is a bit off lately.

"What do you want to do today?"

"Uh, I have to run errands. But we could go out to eat and then shopping first"...

"Yes! But first I have to text six people and make sure they're all "checked in" to where we're going to eat. Then they must join us and fawn over us with compliments and humor"

Now I know that scenario sounds a bit "Sheen", but it's true! We must be plugged into the entire world before we take our next step. All our steps have to be evaluated by 4 "friends" and we don't really make goals anymore.

When I was a child you did things, on the weekends. It required planning. You had play dates or went to the movies. We called each other on our cell phones yes, but we didn't have to update the world every five minutes about our thoughts on the film, and whether Bobby would put his hand on my knee.

This post is pretty fluid. Mostly it's about how you can have and do whatever you want so rapidly that society has lost it's luster. I used to like going shopping but now I fear I could probably get something better online. What if my friend owns it too? What if I get sick of it? Thanks to online social networking I "like" and dislike things quickly.

Can our brains keep up with this rapid pace environment? These are the mental flying cars of our day. Go go go! Leave relationships behind. Do what you want, when you want, with no thought of it's effects until you've moved onto the more interesting venue in your life.

So how do we prevent it?

Invest.

Invest your time. Invest your money. Invest in good people. Invest in good jobs. Make some goals and invest in those.

Eventually you will be able to look back and say you lived a life of quality not quantity.

The 21st Century Man

I have yet to figure out who exactly is the 21st century man. I am perplexed at understanding men these days. I've heard talk of men being so simple. Guys like one thing right? Nope, they really don't. I feel that currently men have the attention span of a walnut. Women, on the other hand, are vastly becoming more educated, successful, and all that blady blah. As we women become a mixed bag of intelligence, beauty, and charisma...the 21st century man doesn't know how to deal with us!

These men now have questions...
Does she want a relationship? What is a modern relationship? Should I be a student, father, businessman? What if women don't want those things? Can I make a career out of what I really enjoy? Do hot chicks dig guys who play video games? Is "Just for Men" okay if you're in your twenties?

And the list goes on. Insecure isn't a word I throw around very often...but that's what so many 21st century men are becoming. Well I say grow a set...of nice cufflinks! Go for what you want. Jump into life! Date those women and work at those jobs that make you bald. Society will be a lot better off with a lot less pansys.

Where The Sun Shouldn't Shine

I think sometimes the sun shines in the wrong locations for people. Take for example the photo I took above. I took this photo in Wal-Mart a few weeks ago. I do not think Sarah Palin should be associated with the Bible. Just because she professes to read it doesn't mean they fall under the same caliber. Quite frankly I believe it acts as a very ostentatious paper weight on her coffee table.

Other places the sun should NOT shine...

Brides who want to compete for plastic surgery for their wedding. For copy write reasons I won't name the name of this show but it rhymes with vital-nasty. And nasty is what it is. Do woman really need to pull a Michael Myers hack job on their bodies for the sake of one over priced day of luxury?

The sun also shouldn't shine on parents who let their kids eat whatever they want. I am so sick of this. YOUR KID IS GETTING FAT. Did you know this? Do you not watch Maury Povich? OBESE BABIES!!!! They are ridiculously interesting to watch on reality TV but not something you should cultivate for the neighborhood side show.

Oprah. The sun should dim a little over Oprah. A co-worker of mine brought up a good point the other day. Does Oprah really need her face on EVERY cover of her own magazine? Do you think perhaps we're sick of staring at her air-brushed bleached teeth?

I also believe the sun shouldn't shine on douche bags. Men that are just jerks. The one's that don't quite care about your reaction to their hairy grunts and ignorant disgusting comments. Men who spend 90% of their time at the gym for the soul purpose of being able to say to promiscuous woman that they spend 90% of their time at the gym. The men who text you at 2:30am thinking you'll actually respond to their request to "hang out". DB's need not exist.


Please post below other places where you feel the sun shouldn't shine (excluding anatomy please)

The Greatest Anthropological Experiment

You're probably wondering where this experiment happens. It is in fact the greatest anthropological experiment known to man. This place is a wonderland of cultures melted and forced into one atmosphere.

Where?

...the gym.


I've been studying the "Gym" for quite some time now. Watching how the mammals ebb and flow amongst each other. I would like to classify some of these creatures for you in this post. I'm sure you will have seen these species before. Perhaps you are one?

Bro

No, he's not your brother. He's your "bro". This is what he's called by his male friends in his species. Bro wears a sleeveless shirt to the gym. It's not appropriate for him to hide is gigantic upper arms. Don't be concerned about his muscle mass though. It's only in his biceps and triceps. The rest is normal. Bro is tall. He's too good to work out so much that be becomes square and his height compensates for him looking like a cyborg. Bro can't be confused with the run of the mill body builders because he has made sure to tattoo himself sufficiently to escape that niche of muscle beasts. To seem inconspicuous he wears a baseball hat of a team from the Midwest that he's never seen play in person. Bro has other bros that he speaks with on occasion. But this bro is a regular and even the gym staff can define him from the pack.

Lashes

This is the lady in the kingdom who likes to wear an unnecessary amount of makeup to the gym. Her hair is pin straight and long. Gently pulled back into a soft wispy pony tail. If she has bangs they fall gently to one side of her face and never seem to look like they've been involved in a deeply heated relationship with sweat. Lashes takes care to make sure she is always wearing brand new sneakers and tight fitting gym apparel. Usually black on the bottom to be slimming and some kind of neon pink top so she'll be noticed. If her hair isn't fake blond it's dark brown. Never an edgy color will you see Lashes attempt. Lashes rigor at the gym involves 20 minutes brisk run on the treadmill, trip to the bathroom, lift 5lbs weights for 20 reps, trip to the bathroom, crunches, trip to the bathroom, attempt at using the dumbbell but then get lost in a conversation with a bro, trip to the bathroom.

Humbly Handsome

This guy is trying not to let anyone know he's kind of a catch. He wears sweats he bought from the college bookstore, baseball cap so no one notices him, and a long sleeve shirt to hide his actual good looking physic. He doesn't want the women in the gym to know he's checking them out so as soon as they make eye contact he looks away. Often he goes to the gym with friends because he doesn't enjoy being alone. He plays college sports but won't go pro and doesn't mind that. The drawback; he'll be there for another 10 years doing the same thing.

Old Man/Young Man

The OMYM is extremely fun to watch. His hair sticks out long under his ball cap from 1984. The same locks are slightly graying. Did I mention this hat was worn backwards? No? Well, it is. He also wears a cut off polyester shirt to mask the gut that is forming from excessive consumption of Pabst Blue Light or any other cheap beer on tap. Shorts, very hairy 50 year old man legs, and white sneakers complete the ensemble. OMYM loves the ladies. Unfortunately for him, hey don't love him back. Something about the giant headphones, scruffy 8am shadow, and the 70's pick up lines just don't make the OMYM sparkle like Edward Cullen.

PS-Geek

This is the guy that's addicted to his PS3, WOW, D&D, and pretty much any game that detracts from normal social interaction in society. The PS-Geek wears really big glasses because he's afraid of contacts. Something about dirt in his eyes turning into syphilis. The PS-Geek doesn't cut his hair and just plain doesn't care. His hope is that if he exercises that someday he'll meet a girl there, or anywhere.

Grams

Grams really doesn't need to go to the gym. She's set. She has kids, family, and a husband who in a million years wouldn't set foot in the gym. Grams was told by her doctor that she should be more physically fit. She has also been reading a lot of O Magazine and feels that she must boost her confidence or at least heart rate. Grams doesn't make eye contact with anyone at the gym and reads romance novels on the treadmill while listening to Josh Groban and REM.

Love Me Love Me

This is the lady in her 20's that hopes beyond everything that she won't give in to that pint of ice cream that she's about to buy after she leaves the gym. LMLM has super low self esteem and changes in the bathroom stalls. She stares at the handsome men in the gym periodically until they notice she's started to drool at which point she drinks from her over-sized water bottle to detract from the moisture on her face. LMLM wears headgear at night and has created atomic wedgies for herself more powerful that Hiroshima.




Well those are just some of the species I've found roaming the gym. Post some species you've seen below this. After all, new species are discovered every day!