Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Christmas Cards and Getting Fat

I have two qualms about the holiday season...Christmas cards and getting fat.

Christmas cards will be my first qualm. Why do we send these generic pieces of cardboard crap? With awful sayings like "may your holiday season be joyous and your heart be filled". Filled with what? Artery clogging fruitcake, cookies, and ham? I think not. So, instead of sending stupid generic wastes of space in the society of cards, I took matters into my own hands. My card has a photo of me dressed as character from MadTV. Granted, it does say happy holidays but that's about as close as I get to generic in this card. Additionally, I've filled it with sparkles and sequins just to piss my friends off and have a constant reminder during the week that I care.

For those of you who read my blog and get my card, I'm sorry to ruin the surprise!

The second qualm that gets me is getting fat during Christmas. Freaking get fat! Eat everything! Heck, I'm using Christmas as an excuse to eat other foods that aren't Christmas oriented. I mean I'm sure I could ask McDonalds to cut my McDouble into a Christmas star but that would be somewhat sacrilegious now wouldn't it?

So above all. Enjoy this time. Relish in the screaming kool-aid mouth ringed children and the seasonal ex-cons working in the mall. Enjoy the grandmother who runs over your foot with her automatic wheel chair in WalMart and the clients who call you on December 23rd demanding a refund for something they've damaged. Give joy to the world of Warcraft that your boyfriend would rather play than spend time with you, and come all ye faithful mothers who don't want to bake one more gosh darn cookie for her child's teacher who has already made fun of said mothers kankles.

Peace on nog good will to figgy pudding (or whatever that substance is called).


Joram said...

haha so brilliant, i wish i'd get such a card xD

Ajax's Whimsical Revolution said...

I'm not worried about this ruining the card surprise, I'm thankful that it has warned me of the glitter and sequence ambush. Now I know to open the card in a decontamination chamber while wearing a hazmat suit.
Secondly, it isn't World of Warcraft that I'd rather be playing, it is Entropia Universe, but since I have no girlfriend to feel neglected, I suppose I am alright. Merry Christmas to Malls and to Malls a good night!