"It's been a great ride. But I know how quickly these fads can pass. You all remember the pet rock, the mood ring, Howard Dean." -Barack Obama
Above is my favorite quote for this week. It's funny how fast things, time, people, and experiences pass by. I have graduated high school and college. I am now in that awkward phase of life. I am suffering from post graduation sydrome.
I've been going to Karaoke with some friends in my city. There are many people my age suffering from PGS. You see, PGS is only reserved for single people working dead end jobs. One's who don't currently live in their own apartment or have something in their life that keeps things from being ideal to the cultural standard of post college youth.
After seeing all these young people suffering from PGS I felt a little better about myself. I am not alone. However, I am alone in the fact that I don't drown it out with alcohol or the excessive use of Mary Jane.
Speaking of Mary Jane and booze. Today I ran into a friend who works in the mall. This guy works at a hat store. Selling over priced Red Sox caps to middle class middle school wannabe gangsters. I asked him how he was. He said that he "smoked himself to sleep". He went on to tell me that he woke up that morning and started drinking. He then managed to get himself downtown to purchase a movie. Afterwards he planned on going home and getting stoned and drunk even more.
Here's the really sick part. He didn't act any different than when I usually saw him at work.
How long does it take to smoke yourself into a constant stoner coma?
This guy doesn't have PGS. He just has S.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Fame or Lame?
Tonight I watched a segment on Nightline about celebrity stalkers. The best part was the profile they did on Morgan Fairchild. Seriously? What is her stalker thinking? Morgan Fairchild is a very nice woman. I've met her before. But of all the celebrities to stalk, why Morgan?
This got me to thinking past celebrity stalkers into real life. Unlike these stalkers (who usually have some form of mental illness), what is our obsession with fame? With money?
I narrowed it down to one evening. One single solitude moment when all the sleep deprivation, multiple births, social networking, and debt are worth it.
It's the high school reunion.
Yup. It will closely walk behind you like Peter Pans shadow until ten years post graduation hits and you go into a week long early-life crisis.
Your inner thoughts might go something like this...
"What have I done with my life? Does Sally Stetson have more children than me? I bet Joey is fat? Oh I hope he's fat. What if he's not? What if Mary isn't fat? Someone told me she was fat...or was it thin? Maybe she's thin because she does coke? I drink too much Coke. I need to stop or my teeth might not be white enough for the reunion. White teeth...Lucy had really nice teeth. And nice shoes, accessories, jewelry. Oh gosh! Ok...well at least she isn't married. I've got that one on her. Or do I? It has been ten years. But Sally Stetson said she's still meeting men in Barbados? But she could still be married? Ah. What should I say? Do? Wear? And most importantly...who's car am I going to borrow?"
Let's put it this way. It's been 5 years for me. I don't plan on putting on a show and I don't really care if I'm famous. But I will wear a nice pair of heels.
Below is a photo of me and Morgan Fairchild. In case you care about those things.
This got me to thinking past celebrity stalkers into real life. Unlike these stalkers (who usually have some form of mental illness), what is our obsession with fame? With money?
I narrowed it down to one evening. One single solitude moment when all the sleep deprivation, multiple births, social networking, and debt are worth it.
It's the high school reunion.
Yup. It will closely walk behind you like Peter Pans shadow until ten years post graduation hits and you go into a week long early-life crisis.
Your inner thoughts might go something like this...
"What have I done with my life? Does Sally Stetson have more children than me? I bet Joey is fat? Oh I hope he's fat. What if he's not? What if Mary isn't fat? Someone told me she was fat...or was it thin? Maybe she's thin because she does coke? I drink too much Coke. I need to stop or my teeth might not be white enough for the reunion. White teeth...Lucy had really nice teeth. And nice shoes, accessories, jewelry. Oh gosh! Ok...well at least she isn't married. I've got that one on her. Or do I? It has been ten years. But Sally Stetson said she's still meeting men in Barbados? But she could still be married? Ah. What should I say? Do? Wear? And most importantly...who's car am I going to borrow?"
Let's put it this way. It's been 5 years for me. I don't plan on putting on a show and I don't really care if I'm famous. But I will wear a nice pair of heels.
Below is a photo of me and Morgan Fairchild. In case you care about those things.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Silence Isn't Golden
I've decided that America has a problem with communication.
It isn't that we don't communicate. It's that we communicate too much. In fact, our over communication has made silence painful.
I cannot live in silence. There must always be something. A radio, TV, or even my iPod when I'm indoors. I am constantly surrounded by speaking or listening of some kind.
Today I noticed how it became a problem. A friend was trying to talk to me. Trying to get his point across. I couldn't stand long enough for him to keep the conversation going. There was a moment of silence and I used it as an excuse to escape, just in case another moment of silence came back to strangle me.
There was nothing wrong with what we were discussing. It was a pretty simple conversation. But it was taking too long for me so I shut him down. I suppose you could call it a form of conversation A.D.D on my part.
Below is a photo of me during conversation lulls.
An opposite situation happened this weekend. I met a lot of great people. Some friends and some people I hadn't met before. There was no lull in conversation and I could keep it flowing for a long time. It was fun. So to wrap up this post I guess I have to say that there truly are introspective and more passive people. I am not one of those. I am active. And talkative. And Loud. And funny. And I won't apologize for it. Because when it comes down to it. The best thinkers in the world had to learn how to talk so they could convey their thoughts. And those thoughts created history.
It isn't that we don't communicate. It's that we communicate too much. In fact, our over communication has made silence painful.
I cannot live in silence. There must always be something. A radio, TV, or even my iPod when I'm indoors. I am constantly surrounded by speaking or listening of some kind.
Today I noticed how it became a problem. A friend was trying to talk to me. Trying to get his point across. I couldn't stand long enough for him to keep the conversation going. There was a moment of silence and I used it as an excuse to escape, just in case another moment of silence came back to strangle me.
There was nothing wrong with what we were discussing. It was a pretty simple conversation. But it was taking too long for me so I shut him down. I suppose you could call it a form of conversation A.D.D on my part.
Below is a photo of me during conversation lulls.
An opposite situation happened this weekend. I met a lot of great people. Some friends and some people I hadn't met before. There was no lull in conversation and I could keep it flowing for a long time. It was fun. So to wrap up this post I guess I have to say that there truly are introspective and more passive people. I am not one of those. I am active. And talkative. And Loud. And funny. And I won't apologize for it. Because when it comes down to it. The best thinkers in the world had to learn how to talk so they could convey their thoughts. And those thoughts created history.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
The World Revolves Around Me. Right?
I've encountered some interesting people in my life. The ones that make me giggle the most are the ones who truly believe they're the center of the universe.
I've created a visual representation in case you are one of those people and cannot understand.
The thing about these unique people is that their self-infatuation is an art form. They can sneak in overly personal information into any conversation.
Me: "Hey how are you today?"
Judy Universe: "I'm great. I actually just got a ticket. I got a pulled over last week too, but I got off because I knew the cop. He was my grandfathers cousins brother. His name is Earl. Earl and I use to go to High School together. That was before I got kicked out for possetion of 15oz of pot. But that's okay because Dale got me a job over at the gas station. I'm working with Terri now. She's a pretty good boss except she doesn't give me any time off. That's alright though because the kids are moving out soon. But they still both have car payments. They got their cars up at that Ford dealership near the Jiffy Lube. It's right next to where my grandfathers cousins brother lives".
Me: "Wow. I'm sorry. Have a great day!"
I've created a visual representation in case you are one of those people and cannot understand.
The thing about these unique people is that their self-infatuation is an art form. They can sneak in overly personal information into any conversation.
Me: "Hey how are you today?"
Judy Universe: "I'm great. I actually just got a ticket. I got a pulled over last week too, but I got off because I knew the cop. He was my grandfathers cousins brother. His name is Earl. Earl and I use to go to High School together. That was before I got kicked out for possetion of 15oz of pot. But that's okay because Dale got me a job over at the gas station. I'm working with Terri now. She's a pretty good boss except she doesn't give me any time off. That's alright though because the kids are moving out soon. But they still both have car payments. They got their cars up at that Ford dealership near the Jiffy Lube. It's right next to where my grandfathers cousins brother lives".
Me: "Wow. I'm sorry. Have a great day!"
Monday, February 2, 2009
25 Random Things You Didn't Know About Me And Probably Don't Really Care About But Will Continue To Read Because You Think I'll Reveal A Life Secret
1. I just watched three episodes of "The City" and am still wondering who actually believes people our age live like that.
2. I want to be a cast member of SNL.
3. I am a good singer but I hide it because I am scared to put myself out there and I can't play an instrument.
4. I can't get through "New Moon". It's terribly boring.
5. I like my job at Taco Bell because I love people watching. What better place to people watch then in a mall food court?
6. Boyfriend? What boyfriend? Oh, I'm sorry...did you see him? Could you give him my number?
7. I am not a good driver.
8. I absolutely love granola.
9. I have a sister. Her name is Erin and she is AMAZING! A lot of people think I was raised as an only child because they've never met her and don't pay attention when I mention her. Which I do. Often. For good reasons.
10. My entire family is from Massachusetts. Everyone back as far as the early mid 1800's. My parents broke the mold. (oops, except my sister)
11. I break the mold.
12. I shop too much for things I don't need. I recently bought a Red Sox hat because I thought I would wear it but realized that I don't really wear hats.
13. I am pissed that Jewel started singing country music and I think she is a sell out.
14. I don't like country music.
15. One of my favorite things to do is discover a new restaurant.
16. I could spend my life traveling and living in hotel rooms. I would be perfectly happy. Please find me that job.
17. I believe that real musicians write their own music. The ones who don't are merely singers.
18. I think if I actually spent some time writing material I could be a fairly good stand-up comedian.
19. The one time I actually did stand-up was when I wrote my material in an hour. I also only tried out because no other girls had tried out.
20. I am terribly loyal and feel awful when I let friends or anyone down. Sometimes I even distance myself from them because I feel so bad.
21. I could live on chicken lo mein.
22. Rexburg Idaho does not have good pizza anywhere in the entire town.
23. I felt trapped at BYUI but I still think it's an amazing school and would recommend it to anyone!
24. I contradict myself often.
25. Sometimes I say I do or don't like something because I don't want to be the same as the person I'm talking to.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Locks of Blagojevich
This post is a tribute to all of those messed up celebrities and politicians who could or possibly should, but probably not, donate their hair.
1. Blago-vago-play dough-which-tick-veech-something or other.
You look at him and you yern for all those 20 somethings suffering from male pattern baldness. If only they could share in his synthetic pleasures, they would be so fulfilled!
Not to mention you could hide the key to your safety deposit box under those luscious locks. A must for anyone getting paid under the table.
2. Britney Spears
Britney can donate because Britney is a giver. She really cares. Not only did she shave her head for no good reason. She helped the future failing economy by doing it herself. Also, in an act of selflessness, she decided not to donate her hair because it had been colored too many times and soaked in gin.
Currently she is re-growing for her next caring gesture. And also so she can cover herself up on the next nude magazine cover she shoots.
3. Richard Simmons
Finally, I believe many birds could be saved through the aid of Richard Simmons. In fact I think the World Wildlife Federation is going to push a bill to make Richards "Fro" a nationally recognized nature refuge.
The only problem...the birds would have to fly south for the winter once Richard started shooting his next "Sweatin' to the 80's" video. Their habitat would turn into a wetland by the time they heard Karma Chemeleon.
1. Blago-vago-play dough-which-tick-veech-something or other.
You look at him and you yern for all those 20 somethings suffering from male pattern baldness. If only they could share in his synthetic pleasures, they would be so fulfilled!
Not to mention you could hide the key to your safety deposit box under those luscious locks. A must for anyone getting paid under the table.
2. Britney Spears
Britney can donate because Britney is a giver. She really cares. Not only did she shave her head for no good reason. She helped the future failing economy by doing it herself. Also, in an act of selflessness, she decided not to donate her hair because it had been colored too many times and soaked in gin.
Currently she is re-growing for her next caring gesture. And also so she can cover herself up on the next nude magazine cover she shoots.
3. Richard Simmons
Finally, I believe many birds could be saved through the aid of Richard Simmons. In fact I think the World Wildlife Federation is going to push a bill to make Richards "Fro" a nationally recognized nature refuge.
The only problem...the birds would have to fly south for the winter once Richard started shooting his next "Sweatin' to the 80's" video. Their habitat would turn into a wetland by the time they heard Karma Chemeleon.
Fruit at the Bottom
Some things seem to baffle me. Seriously, I sit there and cannot contemplate the purpose of certain things.
One of these things is "Fruit at the Bottom" yogurt.
What is the purpose in this? Isn't yogurt meant to be easy to eat? I wasn't under the assumption that it was supposed to be a treasure hunt. And what were the creators of FATB yogurt thinking? They must've been sitting in their corner office and all of a sudden had an epiphany!
Stan: "Hey man, I got it!"
Joey: "I'm sorry, did you say something? I was too busy eating a Hot Pocket"
Stan: "Yea man, I figured out how we can make money with our yogurt and screw with peoples heads at the same time!"
Joey: "You mean put weed in the yogurt?"
Stan: "No you idiot! We'll just put the fruit at the bottom"
Joey: "At the bottom? What if they don't make it that far?"
Stan: "Well, we'll tell them where the fruit is on the cover of the container. Ya know, so they don't get confused and all"
Joey: "Sweet! Let's do it!"
Stan: "Great. I'm glad you're on board. Say....do you have another Hot Pocket?"
Yup, I'm pretty sure that's how the conversation went. It was all a genius scheme by a couple of corporate stoners.
But seriously what is the point is shoveling through that buttery bitter cover surface till you get to the fruit? Not to mention how annoying it is to have to stir. Here's the best part...you can even buy yogurt that comes with a spoon. So now they've saved you all the time it takes to get a spoon...but you still have to tunnel to the bottom for your fruity goodness.
One of these things is "Fruit at the Bottom" yogurt.
What is the purpose in this? Isn't yogurt meant to be easy to eat? I wasn't under the assumption that it was supposed to be a treasure hunt. And what were the creators of FATB yogurt thinking? They must've been sitting in their corner office and all of a sudden had an epiphany!
Stan: "Hey man, I got it!"
Joey: "I'm sorry, did you say something? I was too busy eating a Hot Pocket"
Stan: "Yea man, I figured out how we can make money with our yogurt and screw with peoples heads at the same time!"
Joey: "You mean put weed in the yogurt?"
Stan: "No you idiot! We'll just put the fruit at the bottom"
Joey: "At the bottom? What if they don't make it that far?"
Stan: "Well, we'll tell them where the fruit is on the cover of the container. Ya know, so they don't get confused and all"
Joey: "Sweet! Let's do it!"
Stan: "Great. I'm glad you're on board. Say....do you have another Hot Pocket?"
Yup, I'm pretty sure that's how the conversation went. It was all a genius scheme by a couple of corporate stoners.
But seriously what is the point is shoveling through that buttery bitter cover surface till you get to the fruit? Not to mention how annoying it is to have to stir. Here's the best part...you can even buy yogurt that comes with a spoon. So now they've saved you all the time it takes to get a spoon...but you still have to tunnel to the bottom for your fruity goodness.
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