The Evolution of Duh

I have found that growing up is really understanding the "Evolution of Duh".

As you get older you realize things that others simply don't comprehend or understand, even though it's obvious and as blatantly ridiculous as Britney Spears having children.

Below I've outlined some things that would fall under the "EOD".

1. Britney Spears having children. Where did she get the idea that this was a good decision? Honestly, just because you get drunk and watch the Disney Channel doesn't give you the right to be parental.

2. Diabetes. I am not discounting the disease. I am discounting the millions of Americans who think one more Mcdouble-dribble-cheesy-potato-patty melt-fried-doodle is not going to hurt them. Sorry...YOU ARE WRONG. You are fat. Yes. You are unhealthy. Heck, I lost weight and I am STILL unhealthy. There was a time when men and women worked on farms. If they happened to be the lucky ones to work in offices then they still played ball with their kids. Now the kids play ball on their game console and the parents decide which take-out menu to use. Thus...creating an influx of diabetes.

3. Prescription drug commercials. If you didn't know...one drug causes a side effect which creates the need for another drug. They feed off of each other and their advertisers are then better able to feed their children from the more expensive take-out restaurants. Please stop over drugging yourself. Maybe if you stopped eating so much mono-gluta-eat-a-mate you wouldn't need the cholesterol medication that causes you to be impotent.

4. Bottle sized powder drinks. You are not saving money or calories when it comes in a smaller pouch.

5. Get your higher education from a college not a computer. I don't care who you are and how many online PhD's you have. If I were an employer of any type of business other than food service I would laugh at your desire to educate yourself via podcasts. Sorry, there is nothing that can replace the classroom and traditional, stressful, sleep deprived, hard back desk sitting, university education.

6. Don't major in something stupid at that real university you should attend. You can learn how to sew, cook, play the trumpet, and run without a college degree. Please stop wasting my tax dollars so you can go to keggers or meet your future eternal companion.

7. When you go to a fast food restaurant and they ask you if "you'd like to add" ANYTHING...it means you WILL pay more money. Don't expect things to be free. According to some people even "freedom isn't free" so why would the cheese on your burger be?

8. Energy drinks, coffee houses, and diet soda are of the devil. You are addicted. Regular society can't keep up with the caffeinated society. Try to go a day without caffeine and you'll see how unproductive you are. Unless, of course, you understood the "Evolution of Duh" a long time ago and refrained from all the packaged frothy nonsense.

9. If you're fat and sweaty and over 40 then you should not be in a mosh pit. I recently encountered this. I think moshing is some mentally challenged reason to fight without getting arrested. I want to find whoever invented it and push them over onto wet cement.

10. Water is water. But I prefer Aquavista.

iPhone Illness

I just purchased an iphone and switched to AT&T. I am fully sure that cocaine is a bad substance that should never enter the human body. However, if I were to be involved in something comparable to cocaine I would have to say it is the "Apps" for the iphone.

In addition to the normal addictive apps like Facebook and Twitter I have other ones. Some of them include digital bubble wrap and an app that tells you the most recent seismic activity (earthquakes) around the world.

Why do I need such things? Why does anyone need virtual bubble wrap? I suppose I can understand if I were sending virtual gifts (like the ones purchased on Facebook which usually end up being thongs sent by a person named "private").

But alas I have them. And they are fantastic. Yet, it made me think, how pathetic is the average Americans attention span?

Answer: uber pathetic

It wasn't enough that people had to engage in conversation in coffee houses. Now, most of them come with wifi and no one talks to each other. The soothing sound of typing has infiltrated every metropolis in the U.S.

Children are the worst victims in what I would like to call the "Attention Famine". They have their PS 1, 2, 3, and 40. If that doesn't appease them then they can play their Game Cube immediately following their Wii for exercise and then, heaven forbid, mom makes you go to the store...along comes the DS!

I really feel bad for newspapers. Those lonely things just sit in the racks day after day. They know they're going to be used in some rich kids bonfire but only after that same rich kid could get away from his intense game of Halo.

The Definition of Creepy

Recently I've really found a new understanding of the definition of creepy.

A lot of people don't know how to recognize creepy. Sometimes they are the creepy ones themselves. Sometimes they are the innocent victims. Please understand that if the feeling is mutual then you won't be considered creepy.

I would like to define for you some ways in which someone can be labeled creepy. Later I will define ways in which you can learn how to "take a hint".

1. If you can't start a conversation but try to jump in using random stories about yourself that don't pertain to the conversation currently happening.

Example Conversation Topic: the Red Sox and how awesome they are.

Creepy Person: "I once had a cat with white on his feet and I named him socks. But I only made him wear kitty socks once because my grandma knit them. It was sad though because my grandma just died. She was a nice lady. She used to let me stay at the farm house when I was a child because no one would play with me in the summertime"

2. You text, email, or call someone you don't know for no reason. You weren't planning on spending time with this person. You have no topic for the text message or no reason to text them. You aren't really friends with this person and you just want them to know you exist really really badly.

3. You show up at their work more than once. You don't usually go there but for some reason you happened to have a reason to purchase nails twice in one week.

4. You refer to someone of the opposite sex as being just like your "sister" or "brother" more than once in a conversation. You say that you could never (dot dot dot) because they're just like your "sister" or "brother". Yet your body language towards that person would clearly be incest if they were in fact your sister or brother.

5. You stand within close proximity to someone the entire time a group of you are hanging out but you don't talk to the person and the person doesn't talk to you. However, you make certain sure that they can feel your breath on their neck.

6. You memorize someones work schedule who is not your boyfriend or girlfriend.

7. You have Facebook stalked them to the point that you know which High School they attended, their birthdate, their job, their favorite music, and their current status...by memory.

8. You make friends with their mutual friends so you can be at mutual gatherings.

9. You have their phone number in your phone even though you would never in a million years have the courage to call them.

10. You run across the room, leap over a chair, push someone aside, and trip over your own feet, just to pick up the cocktail napkin they dropped on the floor.

HOW TO KNOW IF THEY DON'T LIKE YOU

One way.

They don't acknowledge any of the above communication between you and them more than the phrase "thanks".

What Do You Mean?

People are funny. So many people have things they want to say and never say them. Other people say too many things that no one wants to hear. Often people think they're being "honest" when they're really being rude. And some are truly being honest but they think they're being rude.

As I was walking home from the bus stop the other day I saw a bumper sticker that read

My Son Is In The US Army

I'm sorry, but what is that sticker saying? Is is supposed to be in the form of a question? Like a possible plea for release? Maybe it's sheer pride. My son is and your son isn't. Or, are they asking for pity? Maybe they're saying "please listen to me exclaim my sadness". Now please don't misunderstand this blog. I am not against the troops. I am not making a statement about the war in any way at all. I am not talking about politics. Just the way people express themselves.

Generally I like to be an honest person. But I also know when to keep my mouth shut as to not hurt someone's fragile, and possibly vain, feeling of oneself. Typically I will tell a girl that she has makeup smudged on her face, or, that her "scrunchie" makes her look like she walked out of an episode of Blossom. But if someone honestly believes that they look amazing, or are completely convinced to commit a stupid life decision, I shut down. I don't have the heart to tell them. I step back and decide that they will learn through life. And I listen to their comments and internally feel joy for the education I've received and the wisdom I have inherited.

The Type of Person I Am

This is not a terrible "Do You Know Me" quiz. This post is going to be about me. It's about some things I've realized about myself in the last few months.

First you must know why I felt the need to write this. It's more of a current self-reflection. And it's also spurred by a conversation I've had with a few people recently. These people (plural meaning if you think it's you you're probably wrong. And if you're right then know that I discussed this with even more people than you think) are struggling with life and their perception of life. I would call it "life boredom". They don't know what they want, like, care for, enjoy, do as a hobby, etc. I use to be one of these people but over the years changed to a point at which I can realize when I do have "life boredom". I have told all these people that they need to find out what kind of eggs they like. This means they need to know what they enjoy. I've taken this reference from Runaway Bride. But it's true...and important.

So, below are some things I've realized and things I enjoy.

1. I love to travel. Anywhere. Seriously. Big cities, small towns, even exploring my own town. I like to go to new stores I haven't been in. Meet new kinds of people I never knew. I love it. But when the trip is over I also like to have a good place to call home. I don't like to move, just travel.

2. I want to try things other people have tried. I guess it's a need to place myself in other peoples shoes. This could be why I love the news so much. You learn about new things and new or different circumstances around the world. If someone says they're reading a new series of books...i'll look into it. I think this is a general psychological principal, if you hear about it enough you'll want to investigate it and you might find interest in it. Some might say I'm a "poser" but I think of it more as "when in Rome".

3. I can't stand when parents feed their children crap. I watch this happen everyday at work and it makes me so angry. The children aren't being taught the proper tenants of nutrition and the parents are giving them heart disease and diabetes (or potentially) if they don't stop.

4. I don't like when people complain. I can't stand complainers. Granted we all need to vent. But lately I've noticed that a negative attitude is putrid to yourself, your friends, and society. You're wasting your time telling everyone about your problems and dwelling on things you have no, little, or full control over. And if you have full control then do something about it. Especially if it's living a healthier lifestyle. Don't call yourself "big boned" "bigger girl" "full figured" "sturdy" "pleasantly plump" or any other affectionate term for your lazy lifestyle. Sorry, you can do something about it. Only a small percentage of society suffer from a thyroid problem as their reason for gaining weight.

5. I don't like makeup but I like the way I look with it and I love to buy it. MAC is the best makeup I've found so far.

6. I love to sing. I will sing at work, home, in choirs. I also play guitar. I'm not that good but I eventually want to be.

7. Broadcasting, journalism, and event planning corse through my veins. I use to record myself on tape reading books when I was a child. I love being in a TV studio. I also love planning events. Large or small and any type. I suppose I like leadership opportunities as well.

8. I am a technology freak. I cannot go into Best Buy without spending money. I can't go into the electronics section of any department store without finding a reason to need something technical.

9. I like to run. I really do. I don't like running on treadmills. The good outdoors does it for me. When I run I tend to explore the parts of my town I haven't seen yet which goes along with my traveling bug.

10. I am sentimental. I take photos and save photos. I save ticket stubs. I write in a journal. I love getting awards so I can frame them and put them on my wall. I love traditions and must have pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving and Ham on Christmas. That is the honest truth. And it doesn't matter where I eat these things they just must be there.

Don't Mess With MY King

I am sick and tired of hearing about Michael Jackson. I was sick and tired of hearing about Anna Nicole Smith. But this is beyond awful and hit a new low yesterday during the memorial. That's right. I am going to rag on someone's funeral.

I am beyond disturbed by the blatant misuse of the gospel choir that performed so gracefully in the Staples Center. The gospel choir was singing a song that was written about the Savior Jesus Christ. The poor choice of venue and happenstance for this particular song is what made me angry. the "king" spoken of in this song is NOT the king of pop...it is Jesus. Please do not confuse yourself. Thanks to CNN I can show you how wrongfully sung this song was during the MJ spectaco-thon warp tour jazz fest...I mean memorial.

R.I.P My Money

I was wondering if any of you remembered that dude who went to court for lewd acts against young boys. He was also in excessive debt and changed his face because he was really self absorbed and thought that it would be good to look like a pre-pubescent woman?

Oh yea. All of you remember. CNN remembers. Fox News remembers. TMZ really remembers. All local newspapers remember. All local TV networks remember. All reporters remember to run to all the local record stores and interview all the hippie employees that work in the record stores and who aren't old enough to even remember this strange man who would climb up trees and avoid the public eye while doing everything to get the public eye directly involved in his life. In fact I think he even tried to purchase the public eye from Sotheby's but it wasn't on sale. He was going to place the "public eye" in his ranch.

Well anyhow, that's going to be old news soon. What will hopefully hit the news soon are the things that are going on in the world. Pay attention to your paychecks. They're going to get a bit smaller. The positive side is that you might be able to breathe better in America. But probably not. Mostly because our pollution is circulated towards another country and thanks to the earth moving we get some other countries pollution. So in effect...it doesn't really matter what we do to lower our own pollution. We're just helping someone else.

Oh and foreign oil. Have we tried looking for some on the vast amounts of land we own? I heard South Dakota doesn't have a national park. I think they should find oil in their state and then declare it a national park. Just so I can pay more money.

Just some thoughts.