MY BLOG HAS MOVED

To my loyal, and most beautiful and wonderful followers. I've UPGRADED! I decided to create a blog that is really worth reading. Something that isn't the incessant rant found here.

www.christalcollette.com is my new blog URL!

Ciao! 

Manners 2.0

All right. Perhaps this post is being written because it's been quite the Monday. A good Monday, but Monday in traditional fashion.

I think I've posted about manners before. I'm not sure why poor manners infuriate me so. I think it is because it is a very clear indication of the downgrading morale in our society. Of the "give me, give me!" generation with their Transformers gummy snacks, and endless mind-numbing cartoons that teach nothing like Sesame St. did about 1, 2, 3, and how to treat minorities.

Moving along. Most of my posts are incited by actual events that transpire in my life. I would like to outline the few people who I encountered in Middlebury, VT today. These folks need to purchase the Rossetta Stone for Manners 2.0 STAT!

1. Jaywalking Jerk Faces (JJF for short)

I had three JJF's in front of my car today. Why are they jerks? Not because they were jaywalking (which I did plenty of at BYU-Idaho), but because they didn't give the courteous "thank you" wave. I'm sorry, but if you don't want me to turn you into New England granite pancake than you need to acknowledge that I slowed my jalopy for you to cross the street. It's just basic manners.

2. The "excuse me" Afterthought

If you aren't aware. Saying excuse me...after you've pushed me into a display of batteries in the local pharmacy is not proper manners. I'm pretty sure you're supposed to say "excuse me" BEFORE you push your giant lethargic frame into my personal bubble.

Which manners are important to you? Do you have similar stories?

Remember The Pen

Okay, enough with the depressing blog posts. It's time to get back to my selfish, cynical, and more comedic side as a writer.

Today I would like to point out the emphasis of remembering the pen. What does it mean to remember the pen? Well, this is a new term I've coined thanks to some poor service recently from some of our vendors at my work.

On more than one occasion a vendor has delivered something that I had to sign for, and forgot his pen. Apparently it is evident that I must be psychic and grab a pen each time the doorbell rings.

Remember the pen means to pay close attention to the little details of dealing with your clients. I add to this, terrible email communication.

Please don't write the body of your email in the subject line. Especially if you work for a technology company. One might say these are pet peeves, but I feel their general peeves, and quite frankly...I would like to put peeves on layaway for a day when I am less busy at the office.

Back to the pen-less vendor. When the scruffy jump suit wearing, doe eyed, 40 something year old man handed me the paper to sign, I said "Do you have a pen?"

Vendor "no"

To which I replied, "you really should have a pen on you..."

Vendor, "It's in the car."

I went to get a pen, at which point I signed the document, then I turned to him and said, "do you need this?" Yeah, it was snarky...and a bit rude. But you know what's rude? Making me walk 100ft to grab a pen because you don't care enough to remember the details.

A bit later, the Account Manager for this vendor came to visit me. She was visiting per an email I sent earlier asking for more information on something. She brought a giant book of information. All the information I could ever dream of knowing about this vendor. BUT she couldn't answer my questions. She didn't do the research, and thus wasted a good 30 more minutes of my time trying to find the answer in her big book of information. I've now learned to never have a big book of information. Also, who still carries a big book of information? Isn't that what the web is for? Show me a small page of information on an iPad.

I digress.

There went 40 minutes of my life because they didn't remember the pen. 

The Gentle

Recently VT suffered a terrible loss after a dearly loved woman was brutally murdered in a small VT town.

This struck closely to me as a woman who lives in VT. Not soon after watching some national news coverage of this event, the same news source discussed the Susan Powell case. Again a story which is one I feel strong about as I know some of the family members, and met Susan.

Neither of these woman had to die, and yet they were lost because they were the meek & gentle. They had loving, and giving hearts that saw the good in others and reached out to or stuck by men who did not deserve their good graces.

I want to speak to all woman profoundly at this juncture: be aware.

It sickens me to know that this is a world where such terrible circumstances can occur, but woman need to learn the signs of danger...and run as quickly as they can. This is no longer the age for "benefit of the doubt". You do not need to be a victim but must know that violence is never acceptable, verbal abuse should not be permitted, and you're not invincible even when trying to do good.

I ask that all woman who read this live by a simple rule: if it feels uncomfortable then turn away from that situation. Do not go back, ever.

This post is not meant to single out women as the only ones who are abused, or to discount the intelligence of anyone who has been put through such a terrible turn of events. This post is to serve as a reminder to NOT become a victim and to build an understanding of what is good and what is safe.

My thoughts and prayers are with the Jenkins & Cox families. May you find comfort and solace.

Salmon

So I told a friend of mine to get her husband to draw a photo of my boyfriend and I eating salmon, because we love salmon. His illustrations tend to be very literal. I find this humorous...

Illustration by: John Hendricks

This also kind of makes me think about how much we're mass consumers in society. I wonder, how do we break this cycle? How do we simply stop living the way we do? If anyone is willing to buy me an electric car and unlimited gift cards to the local organic market I will gladly live a more appropriate lifestyle. Until that point...I will continue to live as pictured above. 


Seriously though, I do love Salmon. 

Lost?

My boyfriend and I were in the Natick Mall in MA. We were trying to find the PF Changs. He didn't think we needed to ask for directions. I went up to the info desk and asked "where is PF Changs?". The man behind the desk handed me a red envelope and said "upstairs to the left". In the envelope was a coupon for 30% off of our meal which ended up saving our table $20! Moral of the story...ALWAYS ask for directions.

If You Were My Sister

So this is what I posted on my sister's Facebook wall. It's a good thing you're not related to me...


Dearest sister. I have decided to talk nonsense on your Facebook wall before I drive the hour home from work. I would like to write many things in length about life on here and feel as though today I should choose your wall. I will discuss the following...

1. What I want to eat for dinner
2. How to be cool
3. Where babies come from

1. I believe that tonight for dinner I will make a salad. Perhaps I will go to the store and buy one of those tubs of spinach. But here's the thing about those tubs of spinach...they go bad quickly. So perhaps I will choose romaine. I will push aside the grandma that's reaching for the last baggy, and I will take it, put it in my cart, and feel no remorse. What shall I add to my salad sister?

2. Being cool is an art. No, you should not be an artist to be cool. Unless you can play the guitar. You must only talk about your accomplishments and how much money you have. When there is ever a silent moment in conversation you must fill it. You must never discuss the "deals" you got on groupon and you should only wear tan from may-september. Questions? Finally, never...and I mean never...let anyone see you drinking Moxie.

3. Babies can now be bought through the Facebook Marketplace, eBay, and Living Social. If you buy them on Living Social then you can get 50% off. Then, if you email ten friends you get an additional 25% off! Be careful, there is fine print. The fine print indicates that if you purchase said infant you will incur spit up, vomit, the color baby pink or blue, influx in expenses, loss of friends, frequent visits from mother/father/in-laws, many "likes" or comments on FB photos of said baby, jealous stares in public venues, yelling, high-chairs, some joy, baby laughs, and potential divorce.

For more information on life lessons visit: www.christalcollette.blogspot.com

The Long Haul

I drive an hour to work, and an hour home...everyday. Boring? Yes. However, I have discovered and learned so much by doing this daily commute. I'd like to share some of the awesome, and frustrating ideals and Vermont intricacies I've uncovered.

1. Vermont does not believe in street lights. We are environmentalists. Should there be one lone spider that is hurt in the digging of the hole for a light pole, we shall reverse our previous decision to provide light. Light that might keep drivers from getting blinded on rainy evenings when rounding corners driving head on towards large trucks carrying materials from far off regions like Canada. Materials such as light poles, and incandescent bulbs.

2. The cheapest gas from Essex to Middlebury is in Middlebury. It is sold at this awkward non-gas station on Exchange St. The gas is self-serve and there is no quick-mart to buy your caffeine infused beer or beef jerky. Behind these gas pumps are giant silos. I feel like I'm in an episode of The Andy Griffith Show when I'm pumping my gas.

3. Brilliant ideas float through my mind while driving. Too bad I can't use paper and pen to jot them down! Here's another brilliant idea; create voice recognition software for the iPhone that actually works. I'm sorry but I don't think my brilliant idea was to "build a water treatment pancake in the north beast".

4. Why do people tear down buildings but leave the company signs up? I really want to go to that Roadhouse chicken restaurant in Ferrisburg but apparently there is no building to go along with their sign.

5. Don't try to put mayonnaise on a sandwich while driving.

6. When drinking 32oz of any liquid, make sure to visit the facilities before you head out on your hour long driving venture. Otherwise, when you do reach a venue with a bathroom, you will look like a drug addict looking for a place to get your fix.

7. If I'm going the speed limit and you're not tailgating me...you're a cop.

8. When you have the chance, stop at a local gas station and ask the following question: "wow, a lot is happening around here these days". To which the person in the store will reply "what?", at which point you will say "what do you mean, what? You didn't hear?". Then you shake your head in disbelief and walk out the door and into your car.

That's all I have. How do you kill time on long trips?

Mommy Bloggers

I am not a mommy...therefore I am just a regular blogger. This is funny...

I Want to Ride My Bicycle

I've had a few people recently ask me how to use social networking sites. This kills me. Actually, it infuriates me. A while back I learned that if I was going to learn something I'd have to get into the program and use it. This happened because I asked someone to teach me how to edit video on FCP and they said...we can't. You'll have to teach yourself. This was for my college degree in broadcasting...but that's a different rant.

Anyhow, as I grow up in this technological world, I realize that no one is going to add training wheels to my technology. I simply have to learn how to ride the bicycle of social media and advance my skills on my own. You would be so surprised what you can teach yourself. I really cannot stand the excuses for not using social media when it's crucial that you get on board with it already! Excuses like "I've tried but it's all too fast for me" or "You're just younger so you're used to these types of things".

I'm sorry, did you hear me saying to my parents..."you're older so you're used to riding a bicycle". "I just don't understand where I put my feet on the peddles". It's the same principle. Or, even worse...I bet people felt pretty stupid for telling Henry Ford that the car just wouldn't catch on...or that it was "too complicated".

Seriously people, get a grip! Just use the product, site, etc. Stop making excuses and take a leap of faith. Your computer is not going to blow up because you decided to tweet a disjointed sentence. Oh, and I have attribution to this post as I know a woman in her 70's who uses social media regularly and other computer based programs with no worries.

So no, I will not hold your hand through your first tweet. I'm pretty sure they tell you how to do it when you sign up. Take your training wheels off...and go join the rest of the world. 

Practice Makes Better

This is my lunch break I am giving myself and therefore I will write. In 2005 I had contemplated changing my college major from broadcasting to marketing & advertising. Silly me, I didn't change it. I had some kind of crazy notion that I somehow I would make broadcasting lucrative and exciting for myself.

After a short 10 month stint at WCAX working in news production on the weekends, I realized it wasn't the "dream" career I had created in my head. Same old topics of scummy politicians, cows, and a new restaurant opening up in town.

Please don't think I want to downgrade the news business. Those reporters work long hours, and some of them uncover information that is priceless to society. Other reporters do find a way to make their job into a work of art. Those are the most talented of the bunch. I personally just didn't have the patience.

After working as a manager in fast food, and a minion at a printer company answering phones...I was asked by a CEO (and acquaintance) via LinkedIn to apply for his daughters job. Honestly, I really didn't know what I was applying for. I knew the pay was better and the superiors breathing down my neck were minimal. What I didn't realize was that I would also have unlimited Diet Coke and the ability to engage and enhance my talents.

I took one graphic design course, and one advertising course in college. I knew I enjoyed designing and event planning but now it has become 75% of my job description. I've even been able to establish a social networking presence for my company.

So what is the point of me blabbing on about my job? Well, 1. few people actually know what I do. 2. I am so sick and tired of people complaining about their job. If they don't like their career path then explore something different. I'm not perfect at design...but practice has made me better!

View my most recent designs here

Good Things

It's come to my recent realization that the last few blog posts I've written have been fiercely negative. Well, negative to me. I'm quite a positive person. I thought it might be fun to showcase some of my favorite things, websites, etc...in this blog post. I hope you enjoy these things too...

1. Mastercuts. The price is low and they do an amazing job on my hair. If you live near Burlington, VT then ask for Sarah, she's the manager and da bomb!

This is the cut circa November 2011

2. SnackTools. This site helps you create some cool digital items for your marketing. I created a flipbook with the eDOC style guide I created! Visit their site here

3. Twitter. I've been using this a lot lately as people get annoyed with me posting on FB. You can find me @cc636


5. TuneIn Radio. This iPhone App is AMAZING! I found my college radio station on here, and a sweet GotRadio.com mash-ups station too! (Download the app here)

4. My Mr. Okay, cheesy, I know...but as of lately, he is one of my favorites! 

We dressed alike for a holiday party. Our goal was to win an ugly sweater contest, although we were the only ones who really dressed up. The boy on the shirt is the little guy from "A Christmas Story", also one of my favorite things. 

You're Killing Orphans

I'd like to proclaim in this blog post that the Kardashians are killing orphans.

Yes, that's a strong statement. How, do you ask, are they killing orphans? All right. The Kardashians are not literally killing orphans...but that is what I think of when I see how much money they waste on useless crap like their giant homes with an unnecessary amount of rooms and bathtubs.

As you watch the show (yes I'm guilty) you see them cut from one girls family home to another. Of course it makes sense that as the "K-Gals" get married they procure a home. But does it have to be the size of one of the embassy's in D.C.?

This brings me to the orphans. Mother Teresa had nothing but the glasses on her face, her bible, and the clothes on her back...yet she was living in ultimate bliss. She traveled the world visiting the impoverished and helped so many even though she had nothing.

Don't get me wrong. I love to shop. But if I had unlimited funds you better believe I'd be booking a trip overseas to hand out some Gucci to the needy. Or, perhaps helping those in U.S. community? The Kardashians could feed hundreds every month with the cash they spend to gas up their Escalades.

This isn't to just knock the Kardashians. I'm referencing all reality TV stars who aren't contributing real art and are getting paid to run their polished yappy mouths. I'm okay with paying money for cable to pay for hard working actors who spend hours a day slaving over script memorization and building the essence of the characters they're trying to portray. I'm also all right with paying journalists a decent wage.

Oh...wait...let me rant about that for a moment. A journalist makes on average $20,000-$30,000 a year if they're lucky. According to www.celebritynetworth.com Kim Kardashian made $40,000 per episode! Putting her net worth around 35 million. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Dead orphans. No excuses.

Find out more about Kims wealth here: http://www.celebritynetworth.com/richest-celebrities/kim-kardashian-net-worth/