Thursday, February 23, 2012

If You Were My Sister

So this is what I posted on my sister's Facebook wall. It's a good thing you're not related to me...

Dearest sister. I have decided to talk nonsense on your Facebook wall before I drive the hour home from work. I would like to write many things in length about life on here and feel as though today I should choose your wall. I will discuss the following...

1. What I want to eat for dinner
2. How to be cool
3. Where babies come from

1. I believe that tonight for dinner I will make a salad. Perhaps I will go to the store and buy one of those tubs of spinach. But here's the thing about those tubs of spinach...they go bad quickly. So perhaps I will choose romaine. I will push aside the grandma that's reaching for the last baggy, and I will take it, put it in my cart, and feel no remorse. What shall I add to my salad sister?

2. Being cool is an art. No, you should not be an artist to be cool. Unless you can play the guitar. You must only talk about your accomplishments and how much money you have. When there is ever a silent moment in conversation you must fill it. You must never discuss the "deals" you got on groupon and you should only wear tan from may-september. Questions? Finally, never...and I mean never...let anyone see you drinking Moxie.

3. Babies can now be bought through the Facebook Marketplace, eBay, and Living Social. If you buy them on Living Social then you can get 50% off. Then, if you email ten friends you get an additional 25% off! Be careful, there is fine print. The fine print indicates that if you purchase said infant you will incur spit up, vomit, the color baby pink or blue, influx in expenses, loss of friends, frequent visits from mother/father/in-laws, many "likes" or comments on FB photos of said baby, jealous stares in public venues, yelling, high-chairs, some joy, baby laughs, and potential divorce.

For more information on life lessons visit:

1 comment:

yingshao said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.