Remember The Pen

Okay, enough with the depressing blog posts. It's time to get back to my selfish, cynical, and more comedic side as a writer.

Today I would like to point out the emphasis of remembering the pen. What does it mean to remember the pen? Well, this is a new term I've coined thanks to some poor service recently from some of our vendors at my work.

On more than one occasion a vendor has delivered something that I had to sign for, and forgot his pen. Apparently it is evident that I must be psychic and grab a pen each time the doorbell rings.

Remember the pen means to pay close attention to the little details of dealing with your clients. I add to this, terrible email communication.

Please don't write the body of your email in the subject line. Especially if you work for a technology company. One might say these are pet peeves, but I feel their general peeves, and quite frankly...I would like to put peeves on layaway for a day when I am less busy at the office.

Back to the pen-less vendor. When the scruffy jump suit wearing, doe eyed, 40 something year old man handed me the paper to sign, I said "Do you have a pen?"

Vendor "no"

To which I replied, "you really should have a pen on you..."

Vendor, "It's in the car."

I went to get a pen, at which point I signed the document, then I turned to him and said, "do you need this?" Yeah, it was snarky...and a bit rude. But you know what's rude? Making me walk 100ft to grab a pen because you don't care enough to remember the details.

A bit later, the Account Manager for this vendor came to visit me. She was visiting per an email I sent earlier asking for more information on something. She brought a giant book of information. All the information I could ever dream of knowing about this vendor. BUT she couldn't answer my questions. She didn't do the research, and thus wasted a good 30 more minutes of my time trying to find the answer in her big book of information. I've now learned to never have a big book of information. Also, who still carries a big book of information? Isn't that what the web is for? Show me a small page of information on an iPad.

I digress.

There went 40 minutes of my life because they didn't remember the pen. 

The Gentle

Recently VT suffered a terrible loss after a dearly loved woman was brutally murdered in a small VT town.

This struck closely to me as a woman who lives in VT. Not soon after watching some national news coverage of this event, the same news source discussed the Susan Powell case. Again a story which is one I feel strong about as I know some of the family members, and met Susan.

Neither of these woman had to die, and yet they were lost because they were the meek & gentle. They had loving, and giving hearts that saw the good in others and reached out to or stuck by men who did not deserve their good graces.

I want to speak to all woman profoundly at this juncture: be aware.

It sickens me to know that this is a world where such terrible circumstances can occur, but woman need to learn the signs of danger...and run as quickly as they can. This is no longer the age for "benefit of the doubt". You do not need to be a victim but must know that violence is never acceptable, verbal abuse should not be permitted, and you're not invincible even when trying to do good.

I ask that all woman who read this live by a simple rule: if it feels uncomfortable then turn away from that situation. Do not go back, ever.

This post is not meant to single out women as the only ones who are abused, or to discount the intelligence of anyone who has been put through such a terrible turn of events. This post is to serve as a reminder to NOT become a victim and to build an understanding of what is good and what is safe.

My thoughts and prayers are with the Jenkins & Cox families. May you find comfort and solace.

Salmon

So I told a friend of mine to get her husband to draw a photo of my boyfriend and I eating salmon, because we love salmon. His illustrations tend to be very literal. I find this humorous...

Illustration by: John Hendricks

This also kind of makes me think about how much we're mass consumers in society. I wonder, how do we break this cycle? How do we simply stop living the way we do? If anyone is willing to buy me an electric car and unlimited gift cards to the local organic market I will gladly live a more appropriate lifestyle. Until that point...I will continue to live as pictured above. 


Seriously though, I do love Salmon. 

Lost?

My boyfriend and I were in the Natick Mall in MA. We were trying to find the PF Changs. He didn't think we needed to ask for directions. I went up to the info desk and asked "where is PF Changs?". The man behind the desk handed me a red envelope and said "upstairs to the left". In the envelope was a coupon for 30% off of our meal which ended up saving our table $20! Moral of the story...ALWAYS ask for directions.

If You Were My Sister

So this is what I posted on my sister's Facebook wall. It's a good thing you're not related to me...


Dearest sister. I have decided to talk nonsense on your Facebook wall before I drive the hour home from work. I would like to write many things in length about life on here and feel as though today I should choose your wall. I will discuss the following...

1. What I want to eat for dinner
2. How to be cool
3. Where babies come from

1. I believe that tonight for dinner I will make a salad. Perhaps I will go to the store and buy one of those tubs of spinach. But here's the thing about those tubs of spinach...they go bad quickly. So perhaps I will choose romaine. I will push aside the grandma that's reaching for the last baggy, and I will take it, put it in my cart, and feel no remorse. What shall I add to my salad sister?

2. Being cool is an art. No, you should not be an artist to be cool. Unless you can play the guitar. You must only talk about your accomplishments and how much money you have. When there is ever a silent moment in conversation you must fill it. You must never discuss the "deals" you got on groupon and you should only wear tan from may-september. Questions? Finally, never...and I mean never...let anyone see you drinking Moxie.

3. Babies can now be bought through the Facebook Marketplace, eBay, and Living Social. If you buy them on Living Social then you can get 50% off. Then, if you email ten friends you get an additional 25% off! Be careful, there is fine print. The fine print indicates that if you purchase said infant you will incur spit up, vomit, the color baby pink or blue, influx in expenses, loss of friends, frequent visits from mother/father/in-laws, many "likes" or comments on FB photos of said baby, jealous stares in public venues, yelling, high-chairs, some joy, baby laughs, and potential divorce.

For more information on life lessons visit: www.christalcollette.blogspot.com

The Long Haul

I drive an hour to work, and an hour home...everyday. Boring? Yes. However, I have discovered and learned so much by doing this daily commute. I'd like to share some of the awesome, and frustrating ideals and Vermont intricacies I've uncovered.

1. Vermont does not believe in street lights. We are environmentalists. Should there be one lone spider that is hurt in the digging of the hole for a light pole, we shall reverse our previous decision to provide light. Light that might keep drivers from getting blinded on rainy evenings when rounding corners driving head on towards large trucks carrying materials from far off regions like Canada. Materials such as light poles, and incandescent bulbs.

2. The cheapest gas from Essex to Middlebury is in Middlebury. It is sold at this awkward non-gas station on Exchange St. The gas is self-serve and there is no quick-mart to buy your caffeine infused beer or beef jerky. Behind these gas pumps are giant silos. I feel like I'm in an episode of The Andy Griffith Show when I'm pumping my gas.

3. Brilliant ideas float through my mind while driving. Too bad I can't use paper and pen to jot them down! Here's another brilliant idea; create voice recognition software for the iPhone that actually works. I'm sorry but I don't think my brilliant idea was to "build a water treatment pancake in the north beast".

4. Why do people tear down buildings but leave the company signs up? I really want to go to that Roadhouse chicken restaurant in Ferrisburg but apparently there is no building to go along with their sign.

5. Don't try to put mayonnaise on a sandwich while driving.

6. When drinking 32oz of any liquid, make sure to visit the facilities before you head out on your hour long driving venture. Otherwise, when you do reach a venue with a bathroom, you will look like a drug addict looking for a place to get your fix.

7. If I'm going the speed limit and you're not tailgating me...you're a cop.

8. When you have the chance, stop at a local gas station and ask the following question: "wow, a lot is happening around here these days". To which the person in the store will reply "what?", at which point you will say "what do you mean, what? You didn't hear?". Then you shake your head in disbelief and walk out the door and into your car.

That's all I have. How do you kill time on long trips?

Mommy Bloggers

I am not a mommy...therefore I am just a regular blogger. This is funny...