Selfish McSnarky Pants

So today I realized that I had left my keys at a local restaurant. It's horrible knowing that you can't get into anything. It's like when you go to the White House for a tour and you know you can only stay on that predetermined route with carpet and red ropes; and all you want to do is run off the path and find the president. Yeah...that kind of feeling.

Well, anyhow. It affected me probably more than it should've. I was being a super selfish mcsnarky pants and being whiny. I've noticed that I've been that way a lot lately. So...I'm going to list here the good things in my life. I hope you also have good thing in your life too, or you can at least find the good in what you have. If not, perhaps you should reevaluate. Life could always be worse. You could be dead. And who wants that? I mean is there fountain Diet Coke in heaven? I'll delay that progression so I can be on earth for longer, because gosh darn it I love my fountain Diet Coke.

So here are the things I like about my life. Call them blessings, positives, fortunes, whatever you want to call them. They make me happy so I'm going to list them to feel even better! ... Oh THESE ARE IN NO CERTAIN ORDER. So don't kill me if I put marriage after Mcgriddles.

=Spell check
-Kittens
-The smell in Vermont after it rains
-Shoes
-Family
-Blogging
-The ability to have faith in a religion and the freedom to practice it
-Good friends
-Good roommates
-Clementines
-My roomies cat who is super cute and nice
-Having a car
-My job
-Jeans that make my bum look good
-Guy friends I can just do nothing with
-Girl friends I can talk to about the guys I do more than nothing with ;)
-Food
-Graduating college
-Living in a safe community
-Losing 60lbs
-Being healthy and having the ability to walk, talk, see, and hear
-All the things I've learned from all the jobs I've had
-The ability to talk to anyone without fear of judgement
-The ability to forgive no matter what
-Belief in God and what he's done for me so many times
-Diet Coke
-Knowing talented people and learning from them
-Humor
-All the men I've dated and what I've learned from those experiences
-Cupcakes
-Knowing how to sing and doing it pretty well
-Gospel choirs - and the fact that they accepted this white girl into their choir
-Dance
-Warm weather
-The smell of wood stoves in the fall filing the air outside
-Learning quickly and adapting quickly in most situations
-A comfortable bed and quiet place to sleep
-Finding nice clothes for cheap! I hate spending too much money on clothes. They're all made by the same people overseas. Reduce and reuse!
-The ability to be thrifty when I need to, and enjoying it
-Having traveled all over the U.S. and all the people I've met
-My childhood which was seemingly not good but the experiences made me stronger than I'll ever know
-The sound of rain on a warm summer night
-Sunsets over the lake
-PB & J
-The internet and it being free from regulation
-The two rings I wear, especially the one from my parents.
-Living on my own
-Good smelling candles
-All the AMAZING experiences I had in college and over the last few years with people who have truly enriched my life more than they'll know

What makes you happy? What are you grateful for?

Ignorance Isn't Bliss

With age comes wisdom

BLAH BLAH BLAH

I'm going to take this concept a step back, and SCREAM at college students for just a moment. Are you about to go to college? Are you currently in college? Well you better know what the H-E-Double-Hockey-Bruins-Sticks you're doing there.

No, this post isn't about hockey, or the best teams in the NHL. It is about gaining enough knowledge for yourself in order to prevent you from working at Burger King as a "Shift Supervisor" and thinking you've gained some kind of status.

Today I finished two marketing pieces for my job. The work involved in creating these required me to design, proofread, draft, email, research, and understand the initial request given me. NEWSFLASH---this just in---I didn't major in advertising or graphic design in college. Nope, broadcasting.

But here's the glimmer of hope...I knew in college that I was going to need more than just the skills required to film a news story. So I took an advertising class, and thank heavens...also a course in graphic design. You bet your little orphan Annies bottom dollar it paid off.

You feel stupid? I'm not done. There are still millions of people out there who swear on their mothers grave they won't get Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and for some...a cell phone. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? It's like free marketing for yourself! I've been offered jobs more than once via Facebook and LinkedIn. In fact, I didn't even need to submit a paper resume for one employer, he just wanted to see my LinkedIn profile.

So I want you to go sit in the corner and think about what you've done, or haven't done. Oh and one other thing, the next time you ask me a stupid question I'm going to tell you to use Google.

Lady Men

I'm a bit concerned as of late the state of men in society. Namely, where are they? Ouch Christal, that's harsh!

...too bad Mr.! I've noticed that society is now producing what I like to call "Fem-e-Men" or FEM for short. What are FEMs? Pretty much any dude who has lost the will to act like a man. And who do I blame for FEMs?

Women.

Yes, that's right, you thought you would get some kind of feminine kick out of reading this post didn't you? Well it's your fault that men act like women. We've dumped so much of our lady chemicals all over society that it's ruining MAN-kind. We even created a new chemical called "testrigyn"...yea, I made that up too.

So what is a FEM? Simply put, any man that's put aside most traditional values to live a life devoid of women, power, and esteem. Do I want to see more pride soaked Donald Trumps in the world? Heavens no! But something has to be done about these sissy men.

So how do you break free of being a FEM?

1. Don't be afraid to ask women out, all kinds of women, and yes...if you can, pay for dinner! Otherwise be creative and do something cheap but fun.

2. Stop thinking you're a loser. No man is a loser. No one is a loser period. But men can easily break free of loserdom by just thinking they're not one. Esteem is hott.

3. For the love of all that is good in the world...get a job! So you want to be an artist? Do it on the side. Sorry buddy, but men need jobs. And one job leads to a better job, etc.

4. When a lady enters the room, offer her your chair. Don't sit on the couch like the lazy FEM you are and make her feel worthless because she has to squat on the ground like a dude.

5. Finally, don't wear women's pants. Just don't. Only on special occasions like concerts? Nope, not even then.

Ladies, you won't know you're surrounded by FEMs until you meet some good men. When you do, this post will really enlighten you! But I ask that you stop treating men like your equals to the point that they're afraid to speak to you.