Lost?

My boyfriend and I were in the Natick Mall in MA. We were trying to find the PF Changs. He didn't think we needed to ask for directions. I went up to the info desk and asked "where is PF Changs?". The man behind the desk handed me a red envelope and said "upstairs to the left". In the envelope was a coupon for 30% off of our meal which ended up saving our table $20! Moral of the story...ALWAYS ask for directions.

If You Were My Sister

So this is what I posted on my sister's Facebook wall. It's a good thing you're not related to me...


Dearest sister. I have decided to talk nonsense on your Facebook wall before I drive the hour home from work. I would like to write many things in length about life on here and feel as though today I should choose your wall. I will discuss the following...

1. What I want to eat for dinner
2. How to be cool
3. Where babies come from

1. I believe that tonight for dinner I will make a salad. Perhaps I will go to the store and buy one of those tubs of spinach. But here's the thing about those tubs of spinach...they go bad quickly. So perhaps I will choose romaine. I will push aside the grandma that's reaching for the last baggy, and I will take it, put it in my cart, and feel no remorse. What shall I add to my salad sister?

2. Being cool is an art. No, you should not be an artist to be cool. Unless you can play the guitar. You must only talk about your accomplishments and how much money you have. When there is ever a silent moment in conversation you must fill it. You must never discuss the "deals" you got on groupon and you should only wear tan from may-september. Questions? Finally, never...and I mean never...let anyone see you drinking Moxie.

3. Babies can now be bought through the Facebook Marketplace, eBay, and Living Social. If you buy them on Living Social then you can get 50% off. Then, if you email ten friends you get an additional 25% off! Be careful, there is fine print. The fine print indicates that if you purchase said infant you will incur spit up, vomit, the color baby pink or blue, influx in expenses, loss of friends, frequent visits from mother/father/in-laws, many "likes" or comments on FB photos of said baby, jealous stares in public venues, yelling, high-chairs, some joy, baby laughs, and potential divorce.

For more information on life lessons visit: www.christalcollette.blogspot.com

The Long Haul

I drive an hour to work, and an hour home...everyday. Boring? Yes. However, I have discovered and learned so much by doing this daily commute. I'd like to share some of the awesome, and frustrating ideals and Vermont intricacies I've uncovered.

1. Vermont does not believe in street lights. We are environmentalists. Should there be one lone spider that is hurt in the digging of the hole for a light pole, we shall reverse our previous decision to provide light. Light that might keep drivers from getting blinded on rainy evenings when rounding corners driving head on towards large trucks carrying materials from far off regions like Canada. Materials such as light poles, and incandescent bulbs.

2. The cheapest gas from Essex to Middlebury is in Middlebury. It is sold at this awkward non-gas station on Exchange St. The gas is self-serve and there is no quick-mart to buy your caffeine infused beer or beef jerky. Behind these gas pumps are giant silos. I feel like I'm in an episode of The Andy Griffith Show when I'm pumping my gas.

3. Brilliant ideas float through my mind while driving. Too bad I can't use paper and pen to jot them down! Here's another brilliant idea; create voice recognition software for the iPhone that actually works. I'm sorry but I don't think my brilliant idea was to "build a water treatment pancake in the north beast".

4. Why do people tear down buildings but leave the company signs up? I really want to go to that Roadhouse chicken restaurant in Ferrisburg but apparently there is no building to go along with their sign.

5. Don't try to put mayonnaise on a sandwich while driving.

6. When drinking 32oz of any liquid, make sure to visit the facilities before you head out on your hour long driving venture. Otherwise, when you do reach a venue with a bathroom, you will look like a drug addict looking for a place to get your fix.

7. If I'm going the speed limit and you're not tailgating me...you're a cop.

8. When you have the chance, stop at a local gas station and ask the following question: "wow, a lot is happening around here these days". To which the person in the store will reply "what?", at which point you will say "what do you mean, what? You didn't hear?". Then you shake your head in disbelief and walk out the door and into your car.

That's all I have. How do you kill time on long trips?

Mommy Bloggers

I am not a mommy...therefore I am just a regular blogger. This is funny...