The Popular Kid

If you're over the age of 19 then you probably don't care about being popular any longer. You're probably in college, or working, and just trying to figure yourself out. You most likely don't cry in your bed at night if you didn't get invited to "that party". Nor are you going to buy the best pair of Nike's so that one dude named Raul doesn't beat you up. Popularity is past you...right?

Wrong.

You still create "invites" and send them to particular individuals. When things happen, you discuss it, post it, splatter it on a ...wall. You "like" certain products, and heaven forbid someone likes you, you hope you both "like" the same things.

It isn't just social networking that has inflamed the desires of cliques among society. It's prevalent in in all aspects of life in the 21st Century. You can blame Snooki, Diet Coke, Calvin Klein, wait...

Marketing. Advertising. The people that know stuff. We must do whatever the people that know stuff are doing. Have you ever stopped to think who knows stuff? Let me open the door to their world. A person in marketing knows how to read people...they know what makes people jump and ask how high. But in the purest form, marketing is simple animal instinct. Whatever gets the person closer to a mate, food, safety, and heightened senses is what will drive that person to purchase, live in, or be involved in that "thing".

Um, I do remember someone once telling me in 2nd grade that I was a mammal. I guess they were right.

iPad or iBaby?

No, there is no new technology called the iBaby. However, I wouldn't be surprised if Apple released that in the next few years. Mostly, this post is about how…just like the iPad, babies are the new fad!

Fad? Who would have a baby just to be cool? The entire Midwest I say! Okay, perhaps that was an unnecessary dig on the Midwest. I mean there are a lot of good features about the Midwest…the arch, corn, tornadoes. But even the Midwest isn't the only region free of this epidemic.

No, I don't think having children is an epidemic like SARS. I do, however, think that the need to have a baby under the age of 18 is. What makes you think that because Sally Joe got knocked up that you will possibly enjoy a blissful motherhood if you do the same? I'll tell you who's given you that notion...it's mainstream TV, and the advent of said reality shows which I will not mention due to copy write infringement. But you know what I'm describing. In fact, in an interview on Nightline, one teen mom (the first televised one) admitted that her friends asked her if it would be easy to get on reality TV if they had a teen pregnancy as well.

This is infuriating to me. Did I mention I was infuriated? Well I AM! I don't care what kind of privileged home you hail from. You are not fit to raise a child if you’re under the age of 18. I don't care how rich, educated, or well mannered you are. This isn't Little House on the Prairie and we're not getting married at age 14, unless of course you're a polygamist in TX. In which case that's a whole other blog post that I can rant about.

So what do you do when you have this little creature? I suppose you'll have to live at home since it's hard to even find a livable wage these days. Oh, did you know they can puke on you? Well they can. And sometimes it's green. Are you prepared for that? Are you prepared for the green puke, green poop, and the green face you'll have when you realize the vile fluids you'll have to dispose of on a regular basis? Also, that baby won't stay a baby forever. Eventually it's going to grow up, go to college if it's intelligent enough, and it will bleed you dry financially.

Don't get me wrong. I'm pro-life. If you make a wrong choice on accident as a youth then I believe you should accept responsibility for that action and raise your child. But the teens that think it's "cool" to have a baby in high school are just plain stupid. Bottom of the barrel stupid. Parents please listen to your teens when they're talking. Make sure they aren't out to make such a rash decision. They probably won't realize the level of real rashes they'll have to deal with when they choose to be "preggers"

Gimmie Gimmie Want Want

I'm pretty sure if you wanted to buy a house, car, groceries, furniture, business, plastic surgery, and spouse in one day you could do it online. Perhaps even in half a day?

Our perception of reality in society is a bit off lately.

"What do you want to do today?"

"Uh, I have to run errands. But we could go out to eat and then shopping first"...

"Yes! But first I have to text six people and make sure they're all "checked in" to where we're going to eat. Then they must join us and fawn over us with compliments and humor"

Now I know that scenario sounds a bit "Sheen", but it's true! We must be plugged into the entire world before we take our next step. All our steps have to be evaluated by 4 "friends" and we don't really make goals anymore.

When I was a child you did things, on the weekends. It required planning. You had play dates or went to the movies. We called each other on our cell phones yes, but we didn't have to update the world every five minutes about our thoughts on the film, and whether Bobby would put his hand on my knee.

This post is pretty fluid. Mostly it's about how you can have and do whatever you want so rapidly that society has lost it's luster. I used to like going shopping but now I fear I could probably get something better online. What if my friend owns it too? What if I get sick of it? Thanks to online social networking I "like" and dislike things quickly.

Can our brains keep up with this rapid pace environment? These are the mental flying cars of our day. Go go go! Leave relationships behind. Do what you want, when you want, with no thought of it's effects until you've moved onto the more interesting venue in your life.

So how do we prevent it?

Invest.

Invest your time. Invest your money. Invest in good people. Invest in good jobs. Make some goals and invest in those.

Eventually you will be able to look back and say you lived a life of quality not quantity.

The 21st Century Man

I have yet to figure out who exactly is the 21st century man. I am perplexed at understanding men these days. I've heard talk of men being so simple. Guys like one thing right? Nope, they really don't. I feel that currently men have the attention span of a walnut. Women, on the other hand, are vastly becoming more educated, successful, and all that blady blah. As we women become a mixed bag of intelligence, beauty, and charisma...the 21st century man doesn't know how to deal with us!

These men now have questions...
Does she want a relationship? What is a modern relationship? Should I be a student, father, businessman? What if women don't want those things? Can I make a career out of what I really enjoy? Do hot chicks dig guys who play video games? Is "Just for Men" okay if you're in your twenties?

And the list goes on. Insecure isn't a word I throw around very often...but that's what so many 21st century men are becoming. Well I say grow a set...of nice cufflinks! Go for what you want. Jump into life! Date those women and work at those jobs that make you bald. Society will be a lot better off with a lot less pansys.

Where The Sun Shouldn't Shine

I think sometimes the sun shines in the wrong locations for people. Take for example the photo I took above. I took this photo in Wal-Mart a few weeks ago. I do not think Sarah Palin should be associated with the Bible. Just because she professes to read it doesn't mean they fall under the same caliber. Quite frankly I believe it acts as a very ostentatious paper weight on her coffee table.

Other places the sun should NOT shine...

Brides who want to compete for plastic surgery for their wedding. For copy write reasons I won't name the name of this show but it rhymes with vital-nasty. And nasty is what it is. Do woman really need to pull a Michael Myers hack job on their bodies for the sake of one over priced day of luxury?

The sun also shouldn't shine on parents who let their kids eat whatever they want. I am so sick of this. YOUR KID IS GETTING FAT. Did you know this? Do you not watch Maury Povich? OBESE BABIES!!!! They are ridiculously interesting to watch on reality TV but not something you should cultivate for the neighborhood side show.

Oprah. The sun should dim a little over Oprah. A co-worker of mine brought up a good point the other day. Does Oprah really need her face on EVERY cover of her own magazine? Do you think perhaps we're sick of staring at her air-brushed bleached teeth?

I also believe the sun shouldn't shine on douche bags. Men that are just jerks. The one's that don't quite care about your reaction to their hairy grunts and ignorant disgusting comments. Men who spend 90% of their time at the gym for the soul purpose of being able to say to promiscuous woman that they spend 90% of their time at the gym. The men who text you at 2:30am thinking you'll actually respond to their request to "hang out". DB's need not exist.


Please post below other places where you feel the sun shouldn't shine (excluding anatomy please)

The Greatest Anthropological Experiment

You're probably wondering where this experiment happens. It is in fact the greatest anthropological experiment known to man. This place is a wonderland of cultures melted and forced into one atmosphere.

Where?

...the gym.


I've been studying the "Gym" for quite some time now. Watching how the mammals ebb and flow amongst each other. I would like to classify some of these creatures for you in this post. I'm sure you will have seen these species before. Perhaps you are one?

Bro

No, he's not your brother. He's your "bro". This is what he's called by his male friends in his species. Bro wears a sleeveless shirt to the gym. It's not appropriate for him to hide is gigantic upper arms. Don't be concerned about his muscle mass though. It's only in his biceps and triceps. The rest is normal. Bro is tall. He's too good to work out so much that be becomes square and his height compensates for him looking like a cyborg. Bro can't be confused with the run of the mill body builders because he has made sure to tattoo himself sufficiently to escape that niche of muscle beasts. To seem inconspicuous he wears a baseball hat of a team from the Midwest that he's never seen play in person. Bro has other bros that he speaks with on occasion. But this bro is a regular and even the gym staff can define him from the pack.

Lashes

This is the lady in the kingdom who likes to wear an unnecessary amount of makeup to the gym. Her hair is pin straight and long. Gently pulled back into a soft wispy pony tail. If she has bangs they fall gently to one side of her face and never seem to look like they've been involved in a deeply heated relationship with sweat. Lashes takes care to make sure she is always wearing brand new sneakers and tight fitting gym apparel. Usually black on the bottom to be slimming and some kind of neon pink top so she'll be noticed. If her hair isn't fake blond it's dark brown. Never an edgy color will you see Lashes attempt. Lashes rigor at the gym involves 20 minutes brisk run on the treadmill, trip to the bathroom, lift 5lbs weights for 20 reps, trip to the bathroom, crunches, trip to the bathroom, attempt at using the dumbbell but then get lost in a conversation with a bro, trip to the bathroom.

Humbly Handsome

This guy is trying not to let anyone know he's kind of a catch. He wears sweats he bought from the college bookstore, baseball cap so no one notices him, and a long sleeve shirt to hide his actual good looking physic. He doesn't want the women in the gym to know he's checking them out so as soon as they make eye contact he looks away. Often he goes to the gym with friends because he doesn't enjoy being alone. He plays college sports but won't go pro and doesn't mind that. The drawback; he'll be there for another 10 years doing the same thing.

Old Man/Young Man

The OMYM is extremely fun to watch. His hair sticks out long under his ball cap from 1984. The same locks are slightly graying. Did I mention this hat was worn backwards? No? Well, it is. He also wears a cut off polyester shirt to mask the gut that is forming from excessive consumption of Pabst Blue Light or any other cheap beer on tap. Shorts, very hairy 50 year old man legs, and white sneakers complete the ensemble. OMYM loves the ladies. Unfortunately for him, hey don't love him back. Something about the giant headphones, scruffy 8am shadow, and the 70's pick up lines just don't make the OMYM sparkle like Edward Cullen.

PS-Geek

This is the guy that's addicted to his PS3, WOW, D&D, and pretty much any game that detracts from normal social interaction in society. The PS-Geek wears really big glasses because he's afraid of contacts. Something about dirt in his eyes turning into syphilis. The PS-Geek doesn't cut his hair and just plain doesn't care. His hope is that if he exercises that someday he'll meet a girl there, or anywhere.

Grams

Grams really doesn't need to go to the gym. She's set. She has kids, family, and a husband who in a million years wouldn't set foot in the gym. Grams was told by her doctor that she should be more physically fit. She has also been reading a lot of O Magazine and feels that she must boost her confidence or at least heart rate. Grams doesn't make eye contact with anyone at the gym and reads romance novels on the treadmill while listening to Josh Groban and REM.

Love Me Love Me

This is the lady in her 20's that hopes beyond everything that she won't give in to that pint of ice cream that she's about to buy after she leaves the gym. LMLM has super low self esteem and changes in the bathroom stalls. She stares at the handsome men in the gym periodically until they notice she's started to drool at which point she drinks from her over-sized water bottle to detract from the moisture on her face. LMLM wears headgear at night and has created atomic wedgies for herself more powerful that Hiroshima.




Well those are just some of the species I've found roaming the gym. Post some species you've seen below this. After all, new species are discovered every day!

Octo-Problem

All right. Before you read this post you should read the link below...

http://www.localnews8.com/news/26323232/detail.html?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter

Now that you've read the above article, I would like to give eight reasons why OCTO mother should not have her children in her custody. And quite frankly, I mean all 14 of them.

1. She doesn't have a home. Actually she hasn't for some time according to that article. Perhaps she owns some grocery bags to put her belongings in, but certainly not a home.

2. She will impose her skewed and Angelina Jolie oriented self image upon her daughters and feminine sons.

3. She's insane

4. When her sons begin boy scouts the other parents will be afraid that "Mama Sule" will try to be the den mother.

5. She consistently smells like baby powder and urine.

6, Gerber only has so much formula and once the pumps have broken it will take an entire staff at McDonalds to feed her family. Of course, that is if she can manage to get an advertising deal with the company in order to pay for food. HGH worked on octomom and it can work on your burger too!

7. There aren't enough hours in the day to teach 14 children how to read.

8. Heaven forbid one of those kids makes it to the White House. Where would they all stay? You better believe mom moves in first!