Salmon

So I told a friend of mine to get her husband to draw a photo of my boyfriend and I eating salmon, because we love salmon. His illustrations tend to be very literal. I find this humorous...

Illustration by: John Hendricks

This also kind of makes me think about how much we're mass consumers in society. I wonder, how do we break this cycle? How do we simply stop living the way we do? If anyone is willing to buy me an electric car and unlimited gift cards to the local organic market I will gladly live a more appropriate lifestyle. Until that point...I will continue to live as pictured above. 


Seriously though, I do love Salmon. 

Lost?

My boyfriend and I were in the Natick Mall in MA. We were trying to find the PF Changs. He didn't think we needed to ask for directions. I went up to the info desk and asked "where is PF Changs?". The man behind the desk handed me a red envelope and said "upstairs to the left". In the envelope was a coupon for 30% off of our meal which ended up saving our table $20! Moral of the story...ALWAYS ask for directions.

If You Were My Sister

So this is what I posted on my sister's Facebook wall. It's a good thing you're not related to me...


Dearest sister. I have decided to talk nonsense on your Facebook wall before I drive the hour home from work. I would like to write many things in length about life on here and feel as though today I should choose your wall. I will discuss the following...

1. What I want to eat for dinner
2. How to be cool
3. Where babies come from

1. I believe that tonight for dinner I will make a salad. Perhaps I will go to the store and buy one of those tubs of spinach. But here's the thing about those tubs of spinach...they go bad quickly. So perhaps I will choose romaine. I will push aside the grandma that's reaching for the last baggy, and I will take it, put it in my cart, and feel no remorse. What shall I add to my salad sister?

2. Being cool is an art. No, you should not be an artist to be cool. Unless you can play the guitar. You must only talk about your accomplishments and how much money you have. When there is ever a silent moment in conversation you must fill it. You must never discuss the "deals" you got on groupon and you should only wear tan from may-september. Questions? Finally, never...and I mean never...let anyone see you drinking Moxie.

3. Babies can now be bought through the Facebook Marketplace, eBay, and Living Social. If you buy them on Living Social then you can get 50% off. Then, if you email ten friends you get an additional 25% off! Be careful, there is fine print. The fine print indicates that if you purchase said infant you will incur spit up, vomit, the color baby pink or blue, influx in expenses, loss of friends, frequent visits from mother/father/in-laws, many "likes" or comments on FB photos of said baby, jealous stares in public venues, yelling, high-chairs, some joy, baby laughs, and potential divorce.

For more information on life lessons visit: www.christalcollette.blogspot.com

The Long Haul

I drive an hour to work, and an hour home...everyday. Boring? Yes. However, I have discovered and learned so much by doing this daily commute. I'd like to share some of the awesome, and frustrating ideals and Vermont intricacies I've uncovered.

1. Vermont does not believe in street lights. We are environmentalists. Should there be one lone spider that is hurt in the digging of the hole for a light pole, we shall reverse our previous decision to provide light. Light that might keep drivers from getting blinded on rainy evenings when rounding corners driving head on towards large trucks carrying materials from far off regions like Canada. Materials such as light poles, and incandescent bulbs.

2. The cheapest gas from Essex to Middlebury is in Middlebury. It is sold at this awkward non-gas station on Exchange St. The gas is self-serve and there is no quick-mart to buy your caffeine infused beer or beef jerky. Behind these gas pumps are giant silos. I feel like I'm in an episode of The Andy Griffith Show when I'm pumping my gas.

3. Brilliant ideas float through my mind while driving. Too bad I can't use paper and pen to jot them down! Here's another brilliant idea; create voice recognition software for the iPhone that actually works. I'm sorry but I don't think my brilliant idea was to "build a water treatment pancake in the north beast".

4. Why do people tear down buildings but leave the company signs up? I really want to go to that Roadhouse chicken restaurant in Ferrisburg but apparently there is no building to go along with their sign.

5. Don't try to put mayonnaise on a sandwich while driving.

6. When drinking 32oz of any liquid, make sure to visit the facilities before you head out on your hour long driving venture. Otherwise, when you do reach a venue with a bathroom, you will look like a drug addict looking for a place to get your fix.

7. If I'm going the speed limit and you're not tailgating me...you're a cop.

8. When you have the chance, stop at a local gas station and ask the following question: "wow, a lot is happening around here these days". To which the person in the store will reply "what?", at which point you will say "what do you mean, what? You didn't hear?". Then you shake your head in disbelief and walk out the door and into your car.

That's all I have. How do you kill time on long trips?

Mommy Bloggers

I am not a mommy...therefore I am just a regular blogger. This is funny...

I Want to Ride My Bicycle

I've had a few people recently ask me how to use social networking sites. This kills me. Actually, it infuriates me. A while back I learned that if I was going to learn something I'd have to get into the program and use it. This happened because I asked someone to teach me how to edit video on FCP and they said...we can't. You'll have to teach yourself. This was for my college degree in broadcasting...but that's a different rant.

Anyhow, as I grow up in this technological world, I realize that no one is going to add training wheels to my technology. I simply have to learn how to ride the bicycle of social media and advance my skills on my own. You would be so surprised what you can teach yourself. I really cannot stand the excuses for not using social media when it's crucial that you get on board with it already! Excuses like "I've tried but it's all too fast for me" or "You're just younger so you're used to these types of things".

I'm sorry, did you hear me saying to my parents..."you're older so you're used to riding a bicycle". "I just don't understand where I put my feet on the peddles". It's the same principle. Or, even worse...I bet people felt pretty stupid for telling Henry Ford that the car just wouldn't catch on...or that it was "too complicated".

Seriously people, get a grip! Just use the product, site, etc. Stop making excuses and take a leap of faith. Your computer is not going to blow up because you decided to tweet a disjointed sentence. Oh, and I have attribution to this post as I know a woman in her 70's who uses social media regularly and other computer based programs with no worries.

So no, I will not hold your hand through your first tweet. I'm pretty sure they tell you how to do it when you sign up. Take your training wheels off...and go join the rest of the world. 

Practice Makes Better

This is my lunch break I am giving myself and therefore I will write. In 2005 I had contemplated changing my college major from broadcasting to marketing & advertising. Silly me, I didn't change it. I had some kind of crazy notion that I somehow I would make broadcasting lucrative and exciting for myself.

After a short 10 month stint at WCAX working in news production on the weekends, I realized it wasn't the "dream" career I had created in my head. Same old topics of scummy politicians, cows, and a new restaurant opening up in town.

Please don't think I want to downgrade the news business. Those reporters work long hours, and some of them uncover information that is priceless to society. Other reporters do find a way to make their job into a work of art. Those are the most talented of the bunch. I personally just didn't have the patience.

After working as a manager in fast food, and a minion at a printer company answering phones...I was asked by a CEO (and acquaintance) via LinkedIn to apply for his daughters job. Honestly, I really didn't know what I was applying for. I knew the pay was better and the superiors breathing down my neck were minimal. What I didn't realize was that I would also have unlimited Diet Coke and the ability to engage and enhance my talents.

I took one graphic design course, and one advertising course in college. I knew I enjoyed designing and event planning but now it has become 75% of my job description. I've even been able to establish a social networking presence for my company.

So what is the point of me blabbing on about my job? Well, 1. few people actually know what I do. 2. I am so sick and tired of people complaining about their job. If they don't like their career path then explore something different. I'm not perfect at design...but practice has made me better!

View my most recent designs here